'I found messages on my MIL/boss's computer that change my entire view of her. What do I do?'
"I found messages on my MIL/bosses computer that change my entire view of her. What do I do?"
I work at my husbands family business that builds custom homes. I met my MIL when she came into the design firm I worked at to pick out some options for a client. She and I hit it off and after she’d come in a few times she set me up with her son. Fast forward 7 years and I coordinate all the builds and consult with clients on design for the 50+ year old family business.
My MIL is technically my boss but we operate a lot like equals and she’s been taking some steps back. She and I have always gotten along great and she has felt like the mother I never got to have growing up.
So last Friday I was packing up to go home and on the phone with my husband before he got a flight for an annual weekend away with friends. I was distracted and accidentally grabbed my MILs computer instead of mine. I didn’t realize it until I was home and wanted to look up some fixtures for a project in our own house.
Once I knew I texted her to let her know to which she said no worries, she was ‘unplugging’ this weekend anyway and to do whatever I needed on it. I was just browsing and unintentionally clicked on a linked email on a stores contact page. We use MacBooks and as a lot of Apple users know, that will usually pop up to send an email using your default mail app.
I closed the draft and when i went to close her email app I saw an email from a recently hired apprentice titled ‘our weekend getaway itinerary’. I froze. I realized this was her personal email and I couldn’t help myself but to click on it.
I found both explicit and romantic messages between this 22 year old male apprentice and my married 47 year old mother-in-law and boss. I slammed the computer shut and just went to bed, staring at the ceiling for quite a while.
My husband was gone all weekend and only got home today. I had been spiraling all weekend on how to handle this. I certainly wasn’t going to bring it up to my husband while he was gone. But I went to the office and had to see my MIL yesterday and could barely keep my composure.
I found every excuse to lock myself away in my office and be busy. So now my husband is back and I’m wondering what to do, do I tell him, how do I even do that, do I go to his mom and confront her, do I go to his dad and tell him, help?!
What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:
macehood said:
If you’re going to tell your husband, bring proof.
snafe_ said:
Screenshot everything. If you're tech savvy enough SS on the laptop, open a private browser to email them to yourself, delete the SSs and delete them from the trash. Otherwise, just use your phone to take pics. Tell your husband, he's going to know something is off with you and you'll worry yourself sick if you don't tell him.
Is there a chance your MIL & FIL have an open relationship? Your options would be to hire a Private Detective, or inform the MIL and get to come clean, or inform the FIL so he can decide how to move forward, Or do nothing.
OP responded:
There’s no chance they have an open relationship, my FIL was cheated on in a serious relationship with someone he thought he would marry and it crushed him. He has always preached loyalty and monogamy in relationships to my husband since he was a teen.
Icy-Passion7259 said:
Please mind your business... 47 year old woman is still a young woman.. a 22 year old male is an ADULT! yall need to respect your boundaries. This is not a corporate office, this is a family owned small business... If you want to inherit this business, and stay married, I recommend you handle this like a grown woman.
Who are you to interfere? You mentioned nothing about a father in law, are they still married? Is she cheating? again, maybe they have an open marriage? maybe the dad cheated for years.. you don't know and this is not your place. Sometimes we need to mind our business.
OP responded:
Yes 22 is an adult. But he’s also an employee, and she is still married and her husband, my FIL, is strictly monogamous.
While it may not be a big corporate office it’s also not just a small family business. It’s been build up for 50 years and builds luxury homes and is quite large. But I don’t care about inheriting it. Would it be nice one day, sure. But I won’t compromise my own morals to inherit a business when my career will be fine either way.
gigidiva13 said:
You're right, human beings aren't perfect. Your MIL isn't perfect either. You snooped, she possibly cheated neither of you are in the right. Leave her alone and move on.
OP responded:
I feel like there’s a difference between seeing an email on a device I was given permission to use and being unfaithful to your husband with someone significantly younger who you also employ.
MolleROM said:
Are you sure it isn’t your husband meeting this person? ‘Our weekend getaway itinerary’ the same weekend your husband is going away? Sounds like an awfully big coincidence.
OP responded:
This weekend for my husband is an annual trip he’s done with friends for 6 years now. And he FaceTimed me drunk from a bar one night to say he missed me so no, I’m not worried haha.