'AITA for being upset that I found out my wife was pregnant via social media?' PLOT TWIST
"AITA for being upset that I found out my wife was pregnant via social media?"
I'm 29, and she is 27. We've been together for 4 years, married for 2, both from the same hometown but currently living in a different city. She’s at our hometown for a family event, and I stayed back due to work. We've been trying to get pregnant for 3 months, and now it’s happened. The problem is the way I found out about it.
My friend congratulated me by posting a screenshot in our group chat—a screenshot of an Instagram story posted by one of my wife's friends. The post showed my wife crying and hugging some of her friends, with the caption, "You are going to be the best mom."
I called her right away, and she answered pretty quickly, saying, "I have news, babe." All I said was, "I know, you're pregnant." She replied, "Wow, babe, how did you know?" I just said, "Saw it on Insta. Didn't think to call me first, huh?" She said, "What? I didn’t post anything."
I responded, "Yeah, but your friends did. That’s one way to find out I’m going to be a dad, thanks," and I hung up. I was furious. She kept calling me, but I didn’t answer until my sister called shortly after.
My sister asked me what was going on because she’d just arrived at my in-laws’ house, and everyone was freaking out, fighting, and my wife was locked up in her room. I told her what happened, and she said, "There’s no way she would do that." I replied, "Well, she did." My sister said she was going to find out what was going on.
A little later, my sister called me back and explained everything. By that point, I’d calmed down, thinking it was just a cr*^py friend who decided to post without permission. But my sister filled me in on the details: My wife was late on her period, and while hanging out with a friend, they thought, "What if you’re already pregnant?"
So they bought a bunch of pregnancy tests, all of which came out positive. They freaked out, told her parents, and then texted some friends in town to come over. From the time she found out to the time her friend posted on Instagram, only 2 hours had passed. My wife told at least 10 people before telling me.
OP added some extra context.
For the record, my sister told me that the argument going on when she arrived was because the other friends were upset with the one who posted on Instagram. Apparently, they all thought it was a shitty thing to do and were mad at her. But they also couldn’t understand why my wife hadn’t told me sooner.
I finally called my wife, and she was crying. She apologized and said she’d been planning to surprise me, which was why she hadn’t told me yet. I was skeptical and pointed out that if she’d really wanted to surprise me, she wouldn’t have been ready to tell me right when I called.
She went silent, and I told her I needed some time to think. She yelled, saying I couldn’t just walk away and that we needed to talk about it. I replied, "Why do we need to talk? So you can lie again?" and I hung up.
A ton of people have been messaging me, but I’m honestly exhausted. I don’t know why, but this has drained me. I’ve cried randomly, which is unusual for me; I’m not a crier. This isn’t supposed to be a huge deal, but it feels like I’ve been hit by a truck.
My sister sent me a message that really stuck: "Hey, I know this sucks, and it was crappy of her, but don’t let this ruin it for you. You’re going to be a dad. You’re going to be an amazing dad. This is great."
The only thing keeping me going right now is knowing that I’m going to be a dad. I’ve dreamed of this, and all I hope is that this baby is healthy. I’ll probably swallow my pride and pretend I’m fine just to avoid making my wife too emotional during the pregnancy. But I’ll do that tomorrow. Tonight, I’ll just sulk.
Here are some top rated comments from readers.
vitorramosleak says:
That's some sh%#ty behavior indeed from that one friend. Who the hell steals a pregnancy announcement lmao.
joaovitorsb95 says:
Damn, that actually sucks. Only way I would be on your wife side here is if she was planning on doing some kind of surprise to get your reaction, but you catching her on a lie pretty much ends that possibility. All I can say is that I hope you baby is healthy and good luck with fatherhood.
Last-Ad5452 says:
NTA and my thing is…she was so excited she told everything….but you. Called her parents and random ass friends…but not you. Her husband, partner and life and father. I would be hurt and also it would make me question things. You should have been one of her first thoughts. Not last.
Amamboking2 says:
So I got four kids. There is a reason you wait till 12 weeks.
7 days later OP came back with this update:
Hello again, Things have settled down now, and I feel like I have all the information, so I’m here to give y’all an update.
When I got to my in-laws’, my wife was sitting on the sidewalk waiting for me. She jumped on me and kept apologizing, just hugging me and saying how sorry she was. We went to her room, and I told her I was really tired and wanted a nap before our talk. We slept holding each other.
When we woke up, our talk felt like an endless circle—me asking what happened and her saying that she was stupid and that it was her fault. She kept saying it didn’t matter what happened because she screwed up a big moment in our lives. I kept asking, but she just repeated that she messed up and that nothing else mattered.
Eventually, she said she didn’t want to give me excuses and that the right thing for her to do was take responsibility and apologize. I eventually gave in, told her she was forgiven, and said everything was fine.
Still, I went to talk to her friend—the one who was with her all day and bought the pregnancy test with her. Her story was that, right after my wife tested positive, they spent about an hour freaking out and talking about ways to tell me or surprise me.
Eventually, my mother-in-law got home, and they told her. Together, they decided to invite their girlfriends over to discuss ways to tell me. The friend went over all their ideas, and I 100% believe her.
She also said it was discussed with the group that I didn’t know yet and that they should all keep quiet for now because we hadn’t decided when to announce it. She says the one girl who posted it on Instagram absolutely did it on purpose. She had been told not to say anything to anyone, and, at that point, they were even discussing ways to tell me with her.
The picture she posted was taken when another friend had just arrived and heard the news. For some reason, she decided to post about it right then and there. Apparently, when they confronted her, she initially claimed she didn’t know she wasn’t allowed to post it.
She stuck to that lie for a while, but eventually, she just told everyone she didnt give a shit and left. She blocked everyone in the group, and we haven’t heard from her since.
No one knows why she did it. They don’t know if she’s jealous of my wife or something else. At this point, we don’t care. She’s blocked on our end too, and we want no contact with her.
My sister later confirmed the friend’s story. When she first called me with details, she was under the impression my wife had just told everyone and forgot to tell me. But after talking to other friends and my mother-in-law, she told me basically the same story.
I was also told by the friend I spoke to, my mother-in-law, and another friend that when I called my wife, she basically said, “Screw it, I’m telling him right now,” and was super excited to do it.
Me and my wife talked again during our trip back home, now with me having most of the details and she told her side, basically identical to what my sister and the friend told me. She was again very apologetic and kept saying that im her number 1 priority, and that this was one of the dumbest things she has ever done.
We have a couples counseling appointment next week at her insistence. I honestly don’t think it’s necessary, but she believes I need a space to fully express my feelings. She’s worried I forgave her too fast and that I’m bottling everything up. Honestly, her concern about my feelings is already enough for me to forgive her and chalk this up as a one-time thing.
We also had our first appointment with an obstetrician—first because it’s obviously the right thing to do, but also because many people warned me about the risks of miscarriages in early pregnancy.
My wife’s last period was about six weeks ago, and the doctor said it was a bit early for an appointment. Still, they ran a bunch of tests and confirmed my wife is indeed pregnant. So far, everything looks fine. Thank you all so much for caring about a random stranger.
Here's what people had to say after the update:
Seems like things woked out, thats great! Honestly, I think you are completely right with that one friend, just block her from your lives and forget about it. No reason she will give you will bring you any satisfaction or joy, just foget about her.
sadhubTA OP
Yeah, honestly, never really liked her, never said anything because she was friends with my sister for a long time and it didn't matter to me, but now I know my gut feeling was correct.
I think if you set any consequences from this event it’s that friend is cut off for life, and so is anyone who still gives her information about you or your wife. She’s evil, there’s no redemption.
Your wife learned a lesson. It proves again the saying "Two people can keep a secret if one of them is dead.". At the second child you should be informed as the second person. Cause with too many confidants it will always end badly.
But I really like it that you two are ok with each other again. Good luck with the pregnancy! Cause yes, most couples I know only tell others after the 3 month mark about a pregnancy.
I get the one friend she was with. I get her mom who came home. But why was it a good idea to make a party out of it? How many friends do you need to have there in order to find a way to tell your husband?
Not to mention they're still a month or more within the risky window of the pregnancy. Normally, you keep that in the family until the end of the first trimester.
2 months later OP came back with this update:
Short recap: I was here 2 months ago to ask if I was an idiot for being upset that I found out about my wife's pregnancy via social media. A friend of her's posted it without permision, before she had the chance to tell me. At the time it was aparent she knew she did something fucked up and did it on purpose, but she did not give any explanation for it and blocked everyone we know.
Now I'm back to share the reason, as we found out why my wife's friend (we'll call her Carol) did what she did. She was having an affair with my FIL, and she posted it as some weird power play.
Apparently, they have been seeing each other for three years now, but according to my FIL, during the first two years, they were together only four times in total. This past year, apparently, they developed a relationship, and my FIL was promising to leave my MIL for her.
First, from my perspective, I’ve lost all the respect I had for my FIL. I used to look up to the guy, but this is nuts. Look, my in-laws’ marriage was not great. They separated a couple of times in the past, and before the pandemic, they were discussing divorce. Apparently, the pandemic helped them rekindle the relationship, but to me, it still felt like they should just divorce.
My MIL is a very nice woman—I like her a lot, just like I used to like my FIL. They both look very good for their age (50s); they’re rich, they go on dates, take trips, but there was resentment there. You could feel it in their voices when they talked to or about each other.
So while it would have been terrible for them to cheat, it wouldn’t be surprising if either of them had. It would be an asshole move, but I wouldn’t judge too much. But then you go and cheat with a woman half your age, who is friends with your daughter, and who you’ve known since she was 13 and you were in your 40s? Just fucking gross.
But most importantly my wife is pretty sad. She’s disgusted, as she should be, and has been saying she doesn’t know if she’ll ever forgive her dad. Apparently, it was a common joke in her friend group that she had the “hot dad.” She hated it, and Carol was the one who made that joke the most, so that’s another layer of complexity to unpack.
My MIL has moved in with us temporarily, just to get away from the town where everyone now knows what happened. She doesn’t even seem sad though; she looks mostly mad and annoyed. The pregnancy looks like it will be a good distraction for them, and my MIL will be a big help with that.
The way it came out is that Carol apparently got drunk after christmas and sent pics of her and my FIL together to an ex who was hitting her up. The ex then sent them to his friends, and the gossip spread around.
She has reached out with an apology, and in it, she admitted she posted about my wife’s pregnancy out of jealousy toward my MIL. It was honestly super weird and didn’t make any sense. My wife didn’t respond, just blocked her again.
My FIL has tried to reach out to us a lot, saying this is an issue between him and MIL, and that we shouldn’t get involved or judge him for it. Yeah, right. In the beginning, he was even saying he loved Carol and was doubling down. A week later, he was promising my wife that he’d never even look at Carol again if she’d just talk to him. I’ll follow my wife’s lead on this—whatever she decides, I’ll support her 100%.
As for our relationship, it’s back to what it was. She was a bit distant after the pregnancy reveal fiasco, but once I told her I missed her clinging to me, she’s been all over me again, and it’s amazing.
Ever since this thing with her dad came out, she’s been sad, but I made a joke that she’s been playing up her sadness a bit to get more cuddles, and she laughed and confirmed, lol. So I think everything is going to be fine. The pregnancy is going well according to our doctor. Apart from this mess, things are ok.
TL:DR: FIL was having an affair with the friend that posted the pregnancy. Its a big mess, but other than that things are ok.
Here's what people had to say to OP after this update:
This is not a twist I was looking for. Take care of your wife. And good luck to both of you!
Seriously, this whole thing is a trainwreck, but OP sounds like he's got his priorities straight. Wishing them all the best!
This is the kind of story that you know has to be real. I mean, who would ever imagine something like "My wife's friend revealed her pregnancy against her wishes as an FU because she's been sleeping with my wife's dad for four years"? Even an expert at Mad Libs couldn't come up with that.
ewwwww your FIL is a creep and your wife's best friend shld never be seen by either of you ever again.