'AITA for embarrassing my friend by playing a voice recording of her daughter?'

"AITA for playing a voice recording to prove to my friend her daughter isn’t non-verbal?"

obviouslytraumatized writes:

So I (30f) have a friend (34f) who has a “non-verbal” daughter (3f), let’s call her Allie. She isn’t diagnosed or anything, but everybody says she doesn’t talk at all. I watch her four days out of the week in my in-home daycare. Although Allie doesn’t speak much around other adults, she communicates her needs to me very well and says small things to me frequently.

Last week I was in the bathroom (I keep the door cracked so I can listen and make sure everybody is safe), and she walked by and said, “Ew, you stinky.” I laughed and told her mom what she said, and I was met with, “SHE ISN’T VERBAL, WHY WOULD YOU MOCK HER?”

I reassured her that Allie has spoken to me quite a few times and I thought that it was a huge milestone. She told me she didn’t believe me and that it was messed up that I would make up something like that to upset her. I told her that I wasn’t trying to upset her, but I wasn’t lying either, so I didn’t press the issue further.

Here’s where I might be the AH. I decided to record Allie (a voice recording, not her face) telling me her name and what her favorite animal is. Fast forward to yesterday. She had a birthday party for her other child.

At the party, I was socializing with other family members and I mentioned the funny things Allie has said to me. Turns out the person I was talking to was her sister, and she started yelling at me, saying, “SHE IS NON-VERBAL, WHY ARE YOU LYING?”

Both her and her sister started berating me, saying that it is messed up that I’m making this up about Allie being verbal. At this point, I was tired of being called a liar. I have two disabled children, and my son was non-verbal for many years. So while everybody was staring at me, I decided to prove my case and play the voice recording.

Everybody was shocked, and my friend told me to leave. I told her I didn’t want to cause issues, but I’m not going to be berated and called a liar. She said that I crossed the line recording her daughter and that I’m an a&#@ole for embarrassing her at the party. Now I feel horrible and am wondering if I should have just let it go.

OP added context in the comments.

saucisse says:

This made my "call CPS" Spidey senses tingle. What on earth is happening in that home that this child will not talk in front of her family?

OP responded:

I used to have Allie at the daycare I was previously working at when she was a baby. I ended up leaving because the other teachers were borderline abusive emotionally/verbally to the toddlers in the room next to me.

I called state on them multiple times but nothing was ever done. I left there two years ago. My friend said she continued at that daycare up until two months ago. She confided in me saying that Allie was abused at the daycare but didn’t get into details.

I told her why I left the daycare and that’s when she asked for a spot at my in-home daycare and I obliged. Since then I have noticed that Allie get scared very easily (lf she drops something she immediately get scared and says I sorry I sorry. But other than that I haven’t seen really any other signs. But I’m also not a psychologist of any sort so I’m not exactly sure what to look for.

imnotreallyhere-why says:

NTA. Why are they so fixated on the child being non verbal like its some kind of badge of honor? Are they getting some kind of benefits out of it?

OP responded:

I’m not really sure. My son was nonverbal until he was almost 5. His first word was “pizza” and I was so elated that I threw a party.

What do you think?