'AITA for not letting my ex access our son's savings account cause she needs money?'

"AITA for refusing to allow my ex access to money I saved for our son?"

No-Narwhal3759 writes:

My ex and I (both 30) share a 12-year-old son. We broke up when our son was 4 weeks old. We shared physical custody from the time he was 14 months old, and I had visitation prior (as is standard because our son was breastfed).

When our son was 4, my ex remarried. She now has four additional children with her husband, and this is where her desire for access to the money I’ve saved comes in. I saved for my son and set up an account that only I can access for now.

My ex was never part of this arrangement, so I never added her to the account. I also have it protected so that, should anything happen to me, my ex won’t gain control of it.

One of my ex's children was diagnosed with a rare type of cancer. Their household has experienced a lot of changes, and my son has struggled with those changes. I help where I can.

For instance, my son still goes to his activities (paid for by me), I put extra in his lunch account at school so he can always get a school lunch (his preference over a packed lunch from home), and I went a little bigger for Christmas, which I always start planning early.

My son has always known I’ve been saving for his future. He mentioned it to his mom after she told him they were cutting all expenses on their end, including anything set aside for him and his half-siblings’ futures.

This led my ex to ask me about the amount I’ve saved, which I declined to disclose. She then asked for access to the account, and I refused. She suggested I give it to her to help cover the cost of care for their sick child, but I refused.

My ex tried to get our son involved, and he told me he didn’t want to keep giving things up and didn’t want her to take his money. I promised him that wouldn’t happen. My ex sent me a breakdown of what they want the money for. I reviewed it, but I had already told her I would not take our son’s money and give it to her for her other child.

I explained that my duty is to our son, not her other children. She responded by calling me names, so I ended the call. She then sent a text asking how I could say no to helping a sick child.

I replied that their sick child was not my responsibility and that my responsibility is to ensure our son has a good life—the child I had with her, not the children she had with her husband. So far, my son hasn’t had to deal with any fallout (hopefully never). However, my ex has sent several texts since, and her husband has sent a few of his own. AITA?

Here are the top rated comments with some responses from OP.

Beautiful-Peak399 says:

NTA. Have you considered increasing your custody? It sounds like your son is going to be put in the middle and possibly guilt-tripped about this which could make things awkward at their house, especially with the other siblings.

OP responded:

We're building up a file right now in case it gets to that point. But my lawyer says we are not there and would anger a judge more than anything if we made an attempt over what has happened so far.

Cloverhart says:

I'm glad you're already talking to a lawyer so you're ready if necessary. I'm sure you are but remember to document, especially the harassment.

OP responded:

I've had a lawyer to help me with custody issues from the start. I know some do it themself but I always feel like you're extra protected having one.