'AITA for protecting my nephew's money and refusing to let his mom access it?'
"AITA for protecting my nephew's money and refusing to let his mom access it?"
My sister and family overall have poor money management skills, and my nephew, recognizing this, asked me to control his money for him since I am more responsible and manage my money well. He values responsible financial management, and after discussing it with him, I agreed.
He’s only a junior in college, but he’s earned a decent amount of money through little jobs he’s done here and there, as well as lifeguarding in the summer. When he needs money for something, I give it to him.
Originally, his account was linked to my bank but in his name, so I can do easy transfers for him when needed. Now, recently, his mom (my sister) and her husband somehow bought a house way beyond their means.
I really don’t know how they got approved, but now they are drowning in bills and consistently behind. My sister called her son in college and asked him to give them what he has so they can cover some bills. My nephew, being the honest kid he is, actually told them how much he has saved, upwards of 5k, and they wanted all of it.
He said no because he’s saving this money for when he graduates so he can buy a car or maybe move out and start his life. My sister then forcefully tried to go to his bank and demand money be withdrawn, but she was denied since I am the main account holder. My sister called me and insisted I transfer her the money because it’s her son, and she has a right to that money.
I stood my ground and said no; it’s not fair to take from him and what he’s worked for, especially since I know for a fact they won’t pay him back. My nephew offered them a compromise of giving them 1k free and clear, but they want all of it, and I refuse to release it as my nephew has told me he doesn’t want to.
Now my sister has called our mom and the entire family to make me look like a controlling b$#ch and saying how I am trying to parent her son and teach him bad manners and not to help family. She’s telling everyone I should give her control of the money cause it’s her son.
So, AITA for standing my ground and refusing to give my sister access to her teenage son's money, even though he and I both think it's in his best interest to have responsible financial oversight? I’m wondering if I am since they really need it and may lose a lot without it, but my nephew said no, and it’s his money.
Here are the top comments from the post.
Aggressive-Bed3269 says:
NTA (Not the A%^hole) - Your sister and her husband are absolute garbage parents. The audacity to demand thousands of dollars of their child's money who doesn't even live with them anymore is straight up BANANAS.
The awful entitlement to march into a bank and try to demand that child's money is pathetic and abusive. Fight fire with fire on this one. Make sure EVERY EAR that will LISTEN knows that your nephew came to YOU to manage and protect their money, and not the other way around.
Make sure everyone knows that even their 20 year old(ish) son knows how bad they are with money. SO much so that he needed, and sought out on his own, external help with his money to avoid the mistakes that his parents have repeatedly made.
What a great decision your nephew made to entrust you with their money. Absolutely brilliant. Stand your ground, don't give that money up.
UponHerEyes says:
NTA- this is literally why he asked you to help him. You would be TA if you caved. Any relatives who disagree do not have his best interest at heart.
INFO- how old is he? Junior in college normally means 18-19, which would be an adult. In any case, his parents should not be stealing his money. I'd say the same thing if he was 12 and they wanted to dip into his college fund.
ed_lv says:
NTA. You are doing exactly what your nephew wants and needs you to do, and kudos to you for that. If anyone from your family starts b%@ching at you for not giving her access, tell them they are welcome to donate money themselves.
SelfImportantCat says:
NTA. You are protecting your nephew from your AH sister. Don’t give in - continue to support your nephew in this. He may need you if his parents get really petty and start telling him not to come home.
You said it yourself - your sister bought a house she can’t afford. Not your problem and not nephew’s problem. You weren’t consulted in their purchase. They should adult and figure it out. (I am assuming they are not paying his college tuition.)