'AITA for letting my vile stepsister be homeless instead of sharing my inheritance?'
"AITA for not sharing my inheritance with my stepsister leaving her homeless and broke?"
Radiant-Zebra9924 writes:
I, a 28-year-old woman, have just received a fairly large inheritance. It includes a farm with 80 acres of land, with two separate houses on it, and just over $750,000 in cash, among other things, from my grandparents.
My stepsister, a 32-year-old woman, and I have never been close. When my mom and stepdad got together, she made it quite clear that we aren't family and that she doesn't like me or my mom. She's a single mom with four kids and is really struggling.
Our country is in the middle of a housing crisis and a cost of living crisis, and they have just been evicted from their rental property for non-payment of rent. They are currently living in one room at a pretty crappy motel paid for by the government.
My husband and I already own a nice three-bedroom unit and are fairly financially comfortable even without my inheritance, due to a lot of hard work on our part.
When my inheritance came through, I gifted my mom and stepdad the money to clear their mortgage, so they now own their own home, along with enough to go on their dream holiday. As soon as my stepsister found out about the inheritance, she called me, being all sweet and nice for about five minutes, asking about my husband and two kids, etc.
Then she asked when she would be getting her share of the money and when they could move into the largest house on the farm. It took me about five seconds to start laughing before telling her that I'll only be helping family. I hung up and blocked her.
I'm now being called a selfish spoiled brat by quite a few people. I feel that since she has never treated us as anything but scum, she doesn't deserve anything. I do feel bad for the kids and want to set up a small trust fund for each of them that they can only access when they turn 18.
For anyone wondering, the inheritance came from my deceased dad's parents, with whom I've had little contact, and it came as a huge surprise. I honestly know what it's like to grow up with not a lot. So, am I the a^@*ole w for leaving my stepsister homeless and broke?
OP responded to some comments:
Dazzling-Fig-IAGG says:
NTA (Not the A^#&ole). Your stepsister is only being nice (and not even all that nice .... 5 minutes of niceness hardly qualifies) because you have something she wants. Do you think she would help you? Would she set aside money for YOUR kids?
Definitely don't help her in any way. Your parents can help her more that they own their house free and clear (thanks to you). If they don't want to let her live with them or help her out financially (because now they can, right?) that should tell you something.
I recommend saving your money in case you start a family of your own. If you have extra when your step nieces/ nephews go to college, then you can consider helping them out. If you promise the money and end up needing it yourself, you'll just get more hate. She should be saving on her own to take care of her children's education.
OP responded:
Thank you. I knew exactly why she was being nice thats why I laughed. She definitely wouldn't. I am starting a trust fund for the kids which she can't touch as I want them to have at least a chance in life. They are good kids despite their mum and I do feel bad for them. .
My mum and step dad have tried to help her numerous times but my mum has had enough and she is banned from their house. My step dad agrees with my mum and me and I have it in writing that the money I gifted them will not go to her. If they want to buy clothes, toys, send a gift card to help with food that's fine.
My husband and I do have 2 kids and admittedly we are financially comfortable and our kids shouldn't have to worry about their education or first homes even without my inheritance. My husband and I both worked hard for this though and didn't have help. I wasn't expecting this inheritance as it came from my dad's parents who I have had little contact with.
ArpeggioTheUnbroken says:
Your stepdad is responsible for helping her if anyone in your family is. That is something him and your mother can sort out if they choose to. There is nothing wrong with helping her but the way she expected it after ignoring you is pretty gross. A trust fund for her children is a really great and kind idea.
Anyone who confronts you should be reminded that they can be of help to your step sister if they feel so strongly about it. It isn't about being selfish. She is hardly more than a stranger to you by it seems her own choice.
OP responded:
Thank you. My mum and step dad aren't in a position to help her more then they have in the past. My inheritance came from my deceased dad's parents not my mum's. If she treated me and my mum with any decency I would have been more then happy to help.
I have told those who hate me for it that they can support her. I just feel bad for the kids as they are genuinely good kids despite her and want them to at least have a chance at a good life. Growing up I tried to be at least civil and she was just a b^#$h so I've given up years ago.
lemon_charlie says:
She said it herself, you and your mum aren't family to her. She never tried to build a relationship with you as a stepsister, and so she's not able to cash that in for, well, cash, or a better living situation. NTA. You are being generous with the trust funds, and if you do act on that don't tell your stepsister or she'll try to get that money for herself because she thinks she's owed it.
OP responded:
Thank you. I will be setting them up under lawyers guidance so she can't touch them.
What do you think?