'AITA for doing a 'Scott's Tots' and not pay for my niece's college tuition?'
"AITA for refusing to pay for my niece’s college even though I promised to years ago?"
MassiveEvidence5930 writes:
When my niece was around 10, I made an offhand promise at a family dinner that I would help pay for her college one day. At the time, I was single, had a high-paying job in tech, and no real financial responsibilities. I loved her like a daughter, and I genuinely meant it, assuming I would always be in a position to help when the time came.
Fast forward to now: she just turned 18 and got into a good (but expensive) private university. The problem is, my life looks nothing like it did back then. I got laid off during the pandemic, took a huge pay cut when I changed careers, and recently had my first child. Between daycare, rent, and trying to rebuild my savings, we are barely scraping by. I simply cannot afford to cover her tuition, not without sacrificing things my own kid needs.
When I explained this to my sister (her mom), she was furious. She said I “made a promise” and now I am “abandoning” my niece. I offered to help in small ways, like buying books, helping with housing if she chooses a local school, or co-signing a loan, but that was not enough for them. My niece barely speaks to me now, and my sister told our whole family that I “lied for attention.”
Now I am getting side-eyes and guilt-trippy texts from other relatives. A few are saying I should not have made the promise if I was not going to follow through. But I never imagined my life would take such a turn, and I did not expect them to act like I am a villain for not being rich anymore.
I still care about my niece and I want her to succeed. But I have to put my own family’s needs first. I feel terrible, but also a little angry that no one is acknowledging how much my situation has changed. AITA for refusing to pay for her college even though I said I would years ago?
Here are the top rated comments.
Quiet-Hamster6509 says:
I'm hard-pressed to believe your niece held onto this promise for eight years. It seems more likely that her mother kept reminding her and pushing her to attend an expensive private university because of a random verbal promise made by her sibling, something she clung to as if she were entitled to it.
Kris82868 says:
Help pay for college and pay for college in total are different things. Which did you promise?
immediateallaboutme says:
Did your family not know you had lost your job? Did they not know you had a child? Did they not see your struggles? They're deluded if they think you lost everything but somehow kept a secret pile of cash somewhere. NTA.
HottieDollex says:
Financial situations aren't set in stone. I lost everything in my divorce right before my nephew started college. Had to break a similar promise. It sucked, but you can't set yourself on fire to keep others warm. Protect your financial health first.
What do you think?