'AITA for my future stepbrother saying absolutely heinous things about his mom?'
"AITA for my dad's fiance's son disrespecting her in front of me?"
Beneficial_Two857 writes:
My dad (40s) is engaged to a woman called Angie (40s). Both my dad and Angie have kids. Dad has me (16M) and my sister (14F). Angie has a son (17M), another son (15M), and a daughter (12F). Dad and Angie started dating two years ago. We all moved in together in January and they're getting married in September.
My sister and I lost our mom five years ago. I think Angie's kids lost their dad too, but I'm not really that sure. I see Angie as my dad's fiancée, and when they get married she'll be his wife. I don't call her my stepmom and I won't. She's not going to be my actual parent here—just the woman my dad's with. I didn't think that would be a big deal.
But we've had some issues over me not calling her my stepmom and because I go to my dad for parenting stuff and not her. Like if I need permission for something or when I want something signed, I go to my dad. I tell him about talks with my guidance counselor about my options when I graduate and not Angie.
We all do the same. So my dad and Angie pulled all of us in for a "family meeting" and brought up how none of us use stepmom or stepdad and how we're not treating this like a family and a two-parenting unit like it is.
Angie told her oldest that he has a stepdad now and he should be working on that father-son bond and getting his advice on things. He told her to f^#k off and go f*%k herself and that my dad is nothing but the d&!k she rides and that's all he'll ever be. She didn't say anything about that. Neither did my dad.
The two of them focused on me next, and Dad said some stuff, but Angie jumped in and basically took over. She said I have two parents again and I need to start calling her my stepmom and treating her like a parent because this won't ever work if I only show Dad that same level of trust and respect.
She said she is here to be my parent. I laughed at the two of them and said she's not my parent too. I said she's going to be Dad's wife. I can respect that. I can respect them. But she's not my parent and I'm not about to treat her like one or call her my stepmom. I said if she doesn't like it, she can leave.
They focused zero on what I said, and all their anger was about me laughing. They said it's so disrespectful to laugh in their faces like that and that it's a serious topic of conversation and I'm ruining everything. Dad told me I owed Angie an apology, and Angie said I needed to get a better attitude and realize she'll be my parent whether I like it or not and I won't have a say.
It made me mad that they were so angry at me but not at her son who said all of those disrespectful things to her. How is laughing worse than that? I didn't swear at anybody or call her just the woman my dad f^*ks.
I told them they were hypocrites for getting so mad at me laughing when her son did what he did minutes before. I told them if that was how they were going to be, I'd keep my mouth shut and would count down to my 18th birthday and peace out.
They said my reaction was over the top, and I said I had nothing more to talk about because I'll get in trouble for rolling my eyes while her son could probably punch my dad square in the face and get away with it.
Ever since that talk, things are tense and they're still annoyed at everything. It did come back up that I need to start calling her my stepmom. But I ignored that because I'm not engaging when I know it'll backfire on me. AITA?
Here are the top rated comments.
m1st3rb4c0n says:
Low key you and her children should get along just to spite them.
asafeplaceofrest says:
Wait...you're a minor child, why are they putting this burden on you? NTA. If they were here asking, I'd tell them they need to see to it their children's needs are met first and that all the kids are okay with their upcoming marriage, before going ahead with the wedding. If they plow ahead in spite of your reactions, they are just asking for trouble and turmoil.
OP responded:
She's acting like it's a done deal that she will be. I met this woman in November so not even a year yet so that makes it even crazier that it's all happening this way. It's not like I'm saying you guys can't get married or anything. But she and dad are demanding a lot.
Acceptable-Bowl-5609 says:
NTA. Your Dad and his fiancé seem utterly clueless. They have chosen to be together and that’s great for them, but to not consider how the children feel is not normal (especially if a parent has been lost). You can’t just cram a bunch of people into a house and call it a family. I’m sorry you lost your mother and that you’re in this situation.