'AITA for ignoring my wife after she threw away my late wife's home videos to help me move on?'
"AITA for ignoring my wife for throwing away my late wife's video tapes?"
Much_Bed_2383 writes:
I am writing this because I don’t know what to do. I have a daughter with my late wife, and her name is Eleanore. Her birthday is coming up in two weeks, and she’s turning 18. Background: My late wife, Cloé, and I had been dating since college.
We got older and ended up getting married, and after our wedding, she shared the news with me that she was pregnant. I was excited that we were expecting our first child. Since it was our first child, we bought a video camera and made little tapes and snippets of her whole pregnancy—wholesome things such as us just joking around, having lunch, or talking to our unborn child through the camera.
We made a promise to only show Eleanore the tapes on her 18th birthday. Fast forward two years after her birth, Cloé passed away due to a drunk driver crashing into her car as she was coming home from her mother’s house.
I was devastated by her passing and went into a deep depression while having to raise our two-year-old daughter by myself. My friends tried to get me to go out again and start dating, but every time I did, I felt like I was betraying her.
Years later, when Eleanore was 13, I met Wendy. We met at a gathering for my sister’s birthday and instantly hit it off. She didn’t mind that I had a daughter because she had two kids herself and had just gone through a divorce. Two years later, we got married.
Now, back to the present—Eleanore’s 18th birthday is coming up, and I kept all the tapes to show her. I was excited to show her the tapes, and a week ago, I was talking to Wendy about it when I noticed her expression change from happy to uncomfortable.
Wendy always gets uncomfortable when I talk about my late wife. I don’t say things like, “Why can’t you be like Cloé?” or “Cloé was only supposed to be my first love,” but I talk about her in a way that gives my daughter a mental picture of what her mother was like. Wendy has always told me that it makes her sad that “she can never be like her.”
Cloé was a model and later started working on her fashion career. Don’t get me wrong, she was a really beautiful woman, while Wendy has two kids in college and is “not in the best shape,” in her own words.
I love both women for who they are, and I’ve never had a preference, but I feel like Wendy is developing some jealousy toward Cloé. I told Wendy that I love her just the way she is, and she broke down crying.
The next day after that incident, she came up to me and apologized for the way she had acted the night before. I told her it was okay and that I was glad she felt comfortable sharing her feelings. I gave her a tight hug and a kiss on her forehead.
She asked to see where the tapes were, and I showed her the box of videotapes of my late wife in my closet. Things were fine until yesterday morning. I was looking for the tapes because I wanted to put them in a prettier box for my daughter. When I went to find them, the box wasn’t in my closet. I looked everywhere until I walked downstairs and saw my wife lying on the couch watching TV.
I asked her about the box, and she told me she threw it away with a neutral expression. My heart dropped. I asked her what she meant, and she told me that I talk about Cloé too much and that I need to move on with my life—so she threw them away as a “head start.”
I was fuming with anger because not only had she thrown away what I had left of Cloé, but she had also thrown away my daughter’s big surprise. We quickly got into an argument, and when she noticed how angry I was, she started apologizing. It got to the point where I started crying and locked myself in our bedroom.
It’s the morning, and I’m writing this in my office, going through my computer, trying to find old files or any type of video of my late wife to give to my daughter. Sometimes my daughter still cries that she never got to “meet” her mother, and I really thought the tapes would bring her closer to her.
I’ve been ignoring my wife for the past day, and she’s been texting me nonstop about how sorry she is, but I really just can’t look at her right now. It’s gotten to the point where our mutual friends are texting me to accept her apology and get over it since Cloé died over 10 years ago.
But I’m trying to ignore them all because they’ve never had someone so close to them die. I am working on finding these files, and I’m starting to think I was overreacting. I don’t know what to do, and I really need help.
Here are the top rated comments.
gagglebear says:
NTA. But your new wife is. To act sorry about throwing a tantrum, then using your sympathy/empathy to show her the videos just so she can throw them away out of spite? Especially knowing your plans for them with your daughter? Shed be my ex-wife real soon if I were in your shoes.
ThatGirlSince83 says:
God I hope this is fake because if not that woman is a f%#$ing monster. Divorce her immediately.
jacobharris40 says:
She did it on purpose out of jealousy.
orangemummy says:
Just to be clear on the timeline of the incident— she knew the tapes were for your daughter and THEN threw them away? I’d be ignoring her forever. NTA.