'AITA for throwing away my husband's Father Day gifts after his awful Mother's Day plan?'
AITA for throwing away my husband's Father's Day gifts after his poor showing on Mother's Day?
StatisticianClear106 writes:
My husband and I have two kids (a 6-year-old boy and an 8-month-old girl). For two weeks leading up to Mother's Day, he told me that he had an entire weekend planned for me.
This is not normal, but there have been years in the past where I complained and felt hurt because he didn't really do much for me on Mother's Day, even though I always went all out for him on Father's Day and felt unappreciated.
So, I thought he finally understood where I was coming from and was going to make it special for me this year. I quite literally only asked for a massage, and he repeatedly said that he couldn't just give me a massage because it "wasn't enough." So, like... I don't know. At this point, I truly thought this man went all out.
Anyways, Friday rolls around and a bunch of people start showing up. He invited a good 10-15 people over. I think I knew two people. He called it the "Mother's Day bonfire." We had a fire, alright, but I was the one who chased the kids around all evening (my 6-year-old, while holding the baby, and some other person's two kids because they weren't watching them) and quite literally no one spoke to me.
I wasn't acknowledged until the very end of the evening, and that was by my husband's buddy who told me he was "stealing" my husband to go out four-wheeling. It's like 11 PM at this point, and everyone (except me) was drinking. I said my husband wasn't going anywhere.
I even said this to my husband: "You're drinking; you're not going anywhere." He took that as an "oh, I need to find a DD and then I can go." So, he asked the neighbor to drive him around and took off with everyone.
I'm extremely hurt at this point because this was my promised weekend, and I got stuck with other people's kids, wasn't spoken to at all, had a mess to clean up, and now my husband is taking off. I explain how hurt I am the next morning.
He says he gets it, apologizes, and says he just had too much to drink and wasn't really thinking clearly. Okay, I get it. It's whatever. We didn't do anything Saturday because he spent half the day sleeping off a hangover.
Well, Sunday rolls around, and his boss calls him at 6 am and asks him to come in to work because they are short-staffed, and he said yes. So, I expressed hurt and said, "but it's Mother's Day." And he says, "I know, I'm sorry, I just don't want to pass up the opportunity for more hours." Which, I get that too.
So, whatever. He gets home at 5 pm and starts getting the kids dressed and ushered toward the door, so I'm thinking we are finally going to celebrate. We end up going on a walk (I love walking), but five minutes in, he's complaining and has us turn around because of the black flies (they weren't even bad).
So, again, I'm disappointed. When we get back home, he lays down on the couch and says, "oh, your gift is in the truck." So I go down, and it's a $5 storage container for sugar/flour. I do like stuff like this, but I'm so hurt at this point.
I asked him if I could at least get a massage, and he says, "I'm sorry, babe, I'm just so tired," and falls asleep around 8 pm when he usually doesn't even go to bed until midnight/1 am. I just sat there crying. I took the three gifts that I already bought him for Father's Day and chucked them in the trash can.
Personalized items that cost me more than I want to admit, but I don't even care anymore. He found them in the garbage this morning and asked me what they were and why they were in the trash covered in food, and I told him they were his Father's Day gifts and left it at that.
He's now saying that he "tried" to make my weekend special and that he's hurt by me throwing away his gifts to retaliate against him for it not turning out the way he wanted it to.
Scary-Cycle1508 says:
NTA (Not the A^#%ole). But please, for the love of everything...stop making excuses "he said he drank too much. Okay, I get it." "He said, I just don't want to pass on hours. I get it."
Sit him down and tell him what an utter dissapointment this mothers day was because all he did was do things that HE wanted and what were fun for HIM. That he left you with children to wrangle that weren't even yours, on a day that should be celebrating you while he did things that he wanted to do.
Trailsya says:
NTA. Is he always like this? Because then stop having more kids with this guy.
she_who_knits says:
It didn't turn out the way he wanted it to because he planned it for himself, not you. Thoughtless, selfish and drunk is no way to get through life.
RememberCakeFarts says:
If anything it feels like he celebrated Father's Day early, so he doesn't need anything else. Come father's day I hope that OP just goes and get a personal massage then take a nice long walk in peace.
What do you think?