'AITA for telling my ex I was in the hospital so I didn't have to spend father's day with him?'

"AITA for pretending to be in hospital to avoid my ex on father’s day?"

Expert-Virus-8751 says:

I (25F) am currently 5 months pregnant by my ex-husband (gotta love American Midwest early marriages). It’s not like we hate each other, but our relationship did not end on good terms, and I quite literally had to leave our home in the middle of the night because every time I tried to leave him, he would beg me to stay and I would give in.

I just knew I couldn’t raise a baby with him, so I had to do a runner. We got married at 19 and 23, and we are currently 25 and 29. Anyway, my dad and I do not speak, so my tradition on Father’s Day was to hang out with my ex, even before we were together, as we’ve always known each other growing up.

Even though we’re splitting, he’s been insistent on taking me out this Father’s Day since he’s going to be a father this year and he considers it his first Father’s Day.

The issue here is, he still has feelings for me and he wants me to take him back. Every time I try to see him (for doctors' appointments or lawyer meetings), he begs me to take him back, and it’s just not nice.

I told him a few times (like 10+) that I was not going to see him this Father’s Day because my family has started a tradition of doing a big family cookout for Father’s Day.

I told him that I wasn’t comfortable going out because being pregnant has me attached to a toilet or a trash can, and I told him I didn’t think it was right for us to be going out together anymore since we’re exes. He’s asked to come to the cookout, which is a no-no because my older brother is crazy. He said that he would pop by with a gift, and I turned that down.

Eventually, I got the message that he wasn’t taking no for an answer no matter how many times and ways I said no. I lied and told him that the cookout was actually going to be held 3 hours away at my uncle's ranch, and he said, "Bet, I’ll drive over in the evening to see you." This was the night before Father’s Day, so my hands were tied. This is where I may be the AH.

I waited till morning and then said that I had vomited so much the night before that my mom took me to the hospital and I was being treated for dehydration. I said it was a minor issue, but I was going to be kept all day and I couldn’t make it. My brother was in on it and volunteered to be the person who kept him updated all day on my condition.

Turns out, he wasn’t happy with that, so he drove down to the town where I said I was going to be and went to the local hospital and asked to see me. Obviously, he found out I lied, and he’s extremely pissed at me.

My ex-in-laws, who I still get along with, are so mad at me and want me to apologize for wasting his time. I don’t believe I did anything wrong because he would not take no for an answer, but they have said that I should’ve known how much he cares about me and not lied about being in the hospital, no matter how minor the fake illness was. AITA?

OP responded to some comments:

mugcupcinnamonroll says:

NTA (Not the A%@$ole). He was going to show up no matter where you went, what you did or what you said. You’re just trying to be free for the first time in your adult life. I second the motion of a restraining order. He is never going to let you go, and this is just a preview of the rest of your life because he thinks he can wear you down, because he always has before.

OP responded:

I’ve been trying my best to keep it civil for the baby because I grew up with warring divorced parents but involved the law is looking more and more necessary each day.

Competitive_Swan_570 says:

NTA OP, I guess you try and talk with him about your boundaries and how his repeat crossing of those boundaries affects you and the baby.

OP responded:

I’ve tried a million times. I may have to get someone else involved.

HumanPersonDefNotBot says:

NTA. Next time try explicitly saying "you are not invited. Do not follow me. I can and will file harassment=stalking charges against you. I DINT WANT YOU THERE."

OP responded:

I did. At one point I yelled on the phone "I don’t want to f*%@g see your ugly a^& on father’s day, f%^k off and hang out with your father" he hates his dad so I thought mentioning him would make it sting a little but he thinks my anger is just a little temper tantrum and he says some stupid sh&t like ‘you’re so cute when you’re angry."

brightanxiety says:

Definitely not the a^#%ole here. You tried so many times to tell him no, and he just wouldn't respect your boundaries. You had to do what you needed to get some peace. Don't let anyone make you feel bad for that.