'AITA for taking my son out of my will because he hates me over an accident I couldn't control?'
"AITA for removing my son and grandson from my will after he assaulted me?"
Hurtboomer writes:
I’m a 64-year-old who likes to stay fit and loves riding motorcycles. This incident happened in January this year. My son, his wife, and my grandson were visiting. My grandson (11) wanted to go for a ride on my bike. I made sure he wore proper safety gear before we went out.
Unfortunately, we were rear-ended in an accident. I got out unscathed, but my grandson broke his arm. To say I was devastated would have been an understatement. I let the driver go because I needed to take my grandson to the hospital.
The cops were called, and the driver responsible was arrested. At the hospital, my son and his wife rushed straight to my grandson, ignoring me entirely. When we got back home, I tried to talk to my son, but he slapped me across the face and told me they were never coming back. I was very hurt but genuinely believed there had been a misunderstanding and forgave him as I understood he was distressed.
Over the months, I sent multiple apology letters and tried to contact them, but they ignored me. On November 3rd, my grandson’s birthday, I sent him a LEGO set. Later, my son called, saying my grandson wanted to talk to me. I was very happy and answered the call, only to hear my grandson say he hated me and to "go f*** off, old man."
A week later, the LEGO set was returned, smashed to pieces, with a note saying that if I ever tried contacting them again, I’d meet the same fate as the Legos and they were going completely no-contact.
Something broke in me. Since I couldn't do anything else, I decided to change my will. I removed my son, daughter-in-law, and grandson. I drafted a new will, stating that if I die right now, all my savings, assets, and life insurance—totaling $400,000 to $500,000—would go to donations for old age homes and orphanages.
I did set aside $50,000 for my grandson’s future college expenses, but he’ll only receive it when he’s 21. I had the will written by my lawyer and signed it in the presence of witnesses.
Recently, my daughter-in-law’s father (a lawyer) must have found out. My daughter-in-law called me, saying I was wrong for punishing them since the accident was my fault. She also said they’d only allow supervised visits with my grandson if I wanted a relationship with him.
I told her I’m old, not a fool, and reminded her that they were the ones who went no-contact. I told her not to contact me again and blocked her. My son and grandson both keep calling me, but I'm not picking up. Gold diggers. I genuinely wanted a relationship with my grandson, but I refuse to spend my twilight groveling for scraps of their approval. I'm done.
I do know about attorney-client privilege. It's just that I didn’t think what happened was a clear violation. I called my lawyer continuously, and he finally picked up. He said he didn’t tell anyone about the will and suggested it might’ve been the witnesses. Right now, I don’t know whom to trust, and I have scheduled a meeting with him tomorrow to discuss the issue more specifically.
OP added some extra context later:
I would like to clear up a few things. Yes, my son and his wife knew and gave permission for the rides. We didn’t go on long rides—5 minutes to the ice cream shop, 10 minutes through an alternate route back home—so he’d be with me for a total of hardly half an hour.
Yes, he wore safety gear: helmet, gloves, boots, and knee pads. I bought them specifically for him. No, I didn’t know the leak was such a major issue, and now I’m researching the laws regarding this in our country. I’m definitely taking steps if there has been an overreach.
Someone asked why I don’t know much about the law since my wife was a lawyer. Well, she wasn’t a practicing lawyer. Although she had her license, she only took on three cases throughout her career and never practiced as an attorney seriously.
Here are the top rated comments:
big_girl11 says:
Definitely NTA. Your son and daughter-in-law are completely in the wrong for treating you with such disrespect and refusing to have a relationship with you. It's your choice how you want to distribute your assets and it sounds like you have good intentions for donating to charitable causes.
Your grandson's behavior only reflects the poor parenting he has received from your son and daughter-in-law. Stay strong and don't let them manipulate you.
JoeMalc1995 says:
Absolutely agree! NTA it’s your money, and you have every right to decide how to allocate it, especially when it’s for a charitable cause. The entitlement your son and daughter-in-law are displaying is disappointing, and their refusal to maintain a relationship over this speaks volumes about their priorities.
Your grandson’s actions are indeed a reflection of the values being modeled for him. Stay firm, and don’t let guilt or manipulation sway your decisions you’re doing something meaningful with your resources.
LunasMoonlitDream says:
You are not responsible to tolerate abuse, even from family.
RenaH80 says:
I’m still stuck on how they found out about the will. That makes no sense. Regardless, you can leave anything you want to anyone you want. NTA for changing your will…. But I think there are other factors not shared.