'AITA for wanting to bankrupt my ex-wife? I'm tired of paying off her car loan!'
"AITA for wanting to bankrupt my ex-wife?"
YeezusWoks says:
My wife and I legally separated two years ago and filed for divorce last year. During the divorce, we agreed that I would keep the house, refinance it, and pay her the 50% of equity owed. She was bringing in six figures, and I only made about $58k during the marriage, so she paid me spousal support.
Because she put the down payment on the house, I decided to give her an extra 10% of the equity split, as I believed that to be fair. We also had two cars that we needed to refinance to take each other off the loan. Well, none of this happened, of course, because I chose to keep things amicable between us and didn’t seek legal counsel. I filed the divorce paperwork myself.
Fast forward to February of this year. I get a call from Carmax trying to collect a debt. My ex-wife missed a car payment. We talked about it. I understood that things come up, and I said I wouldn’t mind making the payment this one time as long as she paid me back.
I was still peeved, though, as I suspected that she missed her payment for the same reason she had failed to make an alimony payment a few months back: she’s financially supporting her new unemployed, daddy-of-four, felonious boyfriend. March comes around, and I get another call from Carmax. April, May, June, and July—calls from Carmax every month.
By May, I was already concerned. I come to find out that she has accumulated an exorbitant amount of debt in one year, the length of her new relationship. Her credit is almost non-existent, but she’s buying Great Danes, guns, shopping on Temu, and traveling around the U.S. with her boyfriend and kids.
I continued to make payments on her car because I didn’t want my credit to be affected by her inaction. She was paying me back, but it was like pulling teeth. By June, I got fed up and asked her to either refinance or sell her car, which, of course, she refused to do.
I kept pleading with her, trying to make her understand how much financial stress this was putting on me, and I let her know that I felt as though she was taking advantage of me. July rolls around, and I make another payment. This time, the Carmax paper bill was sent to her house.
In the first week of August, I get a call from her boyfriend, who yelled and berated me. He demanded to know why my ex and I were still talking. I told him that she owed me money and that I needed her to get rid of her car because I was the one making payments on it. A week went by, and I hadn’t heard anything.
She had already blocked me at this point, so I sent her an email requesting to know details about the car. As usual, she was uncooperative, and it took me telling her that I would drive to her house and pick up the car myself to sell it. That did it. The next day, she sold the car.
She emailed me a few days later, demanding a timeline for refinancing the house. I told her I wouldn’t be refinancing anything until we met with a mediator to ensure that she is held accountable. This is a house, not a car. It took seven months to get her to do anything with the car, and I was still owed alimony and car payments.
The mediator would facilitate the distribution of our remaining assets, as I can no longer trust or even communicate with her effectively. She replied by telling me that she will not be “subjected” to my “demands” any longer and that she is entitled to 100% of the equity.
She also said that because she already “fulfilled” her divorce agreement by selling her car (not true—she still owes me money, so nothing is fulfilled), I am now in contempt of court because I have not deposited 100% of the equity from a house that I haven’t even begun to refinance, as I need legal assistance with it.
To make matters worse, she told me she needs the money ASAP because she’s getting married. However, she wants me to deposit the money into her account. She is refusing to go through with this the right way because I suspect she doesn’t want to disclose her finances. She is, after all, helping her ex-felon boyfriend run a business that cannot legally operate in the state.
At this point, there is no salvaging this “relationship” that I was trying to keep with her. I wanted to do things amicably, with a mediator, and come to an agreement on the house. We emailed back and forth a bit more about how I would be seeking legal counsel if she refused to go to mediation and settle this like civil adults who once loved each other so dearly.
I still do love her, which is why it hurts so much, but I am also at the point where I am ready to lawyer up and take whatever assets she has left to get my money back and legal fees paid. Am I the az^#*ole here?
Here are the top rated comments in response to OP's post:
Colestahs-Pappy says:
God dude, get a freaking lawyer already!
Boeing367-80 says:
Divorce should have been contingent on total separation of assets and liabilities. This guy was way too concerned with being seen as a good guy and far too little concerned with taking care of business.
Limp_Razzmatazz_792 says:
What a doormat. If he late a few payment, she will not hesitate to put his a%@ in jail. If you want to be ruined form someone who doesn't care about you, be my guest.
donname10 says:
NTA. Proceed. Stop doing anything for her. Keep communication through email. She's no one to you right now. Do everything legally to protect yourself. She's an adult, she can do whatever she wants and so do you. Your love for her will destroy you.