'I want to BLAST my late husband’s family to the moon.' AITA?
"I want to BLAST my late husband’s family to the moon."
My spouse died 14 years ago, unexpectedly of natural causes in our early 30’s. I raised two kids solo at home for a decade. It was a struggle in all the ways. Additionally, between the ages of 31-38 my maternal grandparents with whom I was close and my mother (last living parent) died.
As an only child, it was a lot to figure out on my own. I have been minimal to NC with my husband’s family for a decade. I never put up roadblocks for the children to have relationships with their father’s family, and encouraged them to do so. They have made their own opinions of them through observing behavior and practice.
I was always “trash.” Grew-up on the wrong side of the tracks. The basic fact that I’m conventionally attractive and articulate were my only saving grace when I was married. They are mean people, appearance is everything. My son once said, all smile and no humanity.
My mother-in-law was raised with live in help. When I first met her, she asked me where I was from and if my family had emigrated here (there) from a specific area to work in a specific industry.
I said, well, yes, they had to work in that industry but it was to pay the mortgage on their farm. The men would work in that industry during the week and farm on their days off; the women ran the farm with help from the younger children and grandparents.
My MIL then said that her family had also emigrated for that specific industry…but, of course, they were shareholders and my family probably worked for her family. I was 21 years old at the time and that comment took my breath away.
I knew in my bones, this is going to the way it was going to be with her. It was so offensive, and just rolled off her tongue. Nose up. My great grandfather was a child laborer in that industry, starting at 11 years old. It was a dangerous, abusive and exploitive industry.
The thing is there’s no more money, and my MIL has been play-acting for decades. Riding on the coat tails of old money appearance. She misappropriated 25K donated after my husband’s death to myself and children.
I had to retain legal representation for her to return the rest of the money and signed a gag order to never speak of it. They traveled the world, I struggled with low wage jobs and was on state insurance.
They harassed me for years to repay my late husband’s inheritance that they gave him to re-side and window our duplex (we lived in it too). My attorney filed a cease and desist order 7 years ago, threaten a civil suit if they didn’t stop.
Six weeks after he died, in-law’s cornered me alone in my apartment and demanded money. I wrote them a check for 10K (25K inheritance) and told them to leave. My late spouse’s life insurance was 50K; I paid for the funeral 8K (discounted kindly) and 6K for repairs to his leased vehicle.
I was working as a waitress at the time and driving a hand me down old Buick from my grandparents. My MIL had just bought a summer car, SAAB. The remaining money helped float us for a year.
They went to Greece for a month while being behind on their property taxes. You can’t see tax debt, but you can see extravagant travel. I could go on and on with examples.
It was toxic, abusive. I second guessed myself, confidence was very low. It took years of therapy and legal consulting for me to fully grasp the extent. It made me become who I am today, and for that I am grateful. Not a silver lining, reality.
I’m back in school and slated to graduate in two years; career focus is hospice nursing. Raised good kids. I’m well liked. And they loathe me, openly within their family and are terrible about me to my kids.
Both of my kids have grown into well adjusted, compassionate, accomplished young adults. Full academic scholarships to highly selective universities. My youngest kid is graduating from an Ivy League University, the only granddaughter. And they are not attending, blaming me as reason.
I think it’s years of buildup, ASD and perimenopause rage, I just want to put them on blast. Publicly humiliate them. The political climate is likely a factor, too. I am so sick of vulnerable people being treated like trash. Will I do it? Probably not. Ultimately, just my sucking air is enough of a slap back to them. Oh, but I want to.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
OP you should be proud of yourself for the way you've raised your family all on your own. You should be proud that despite all their vitriol, you're on your own path now! Don't let anyone take away from that!
These people sound like they've respected you, and they never will. I know it's frustrating because they've hurt you so much, but sometimes the best revenge is just living your best life and leaving them to roll in their own pool of hatred. Good luck with nursing school, and congratulations to your children!
NTA Air that dirty laundry.
I'm fond of the "don't do what you would be ashamed of other people finding out you did". Nothing wrong with telling the truth, with evidence is even better. NTA whatever you decide to do, although nasty people tend to be emboldened when their bullshit stays in the dark.
I would ignore and move on. I don't think the blast, revenge or blow up would actually make you feel better. (Often it is just the thought of it is better than the reality) Bitterness really only hurts the vessel that holds it.
So let it go, and allow them to stew in their own bile and bitter while it eats their heart away. Congrats and enjoy your freedom PS that was the advice given to me by my own sister, also a hospice nurse for 20 years. Wise.
NTA if you did but I don't think it will give you the closure that you believe it will. The thing about narcissists who lack even basic levels of empathy like your in laws, is that they feed off attention. Good or bad, positive or negative, it's all just drama that feeds the beast of needing to be the centre of everyone's universe. The best revenge is to simply ignore their existence.
The people in their circle either know their true colours and will take all these swipes at you with a pinch of salt. Or they will be easily convinced you are the true source of all problems. Either way, it's not a battle worth fighting. Just live your best life and enjoy your amazing children, you really have won the war.