'AITA for refusing to give my 16 year old daughter an allowance because she can earn her own money?'
AITA for not giving my daughter and allowance after her 16th birthday like I promised?
SearchSenior6144 writes:
This is about my middle daughter, Kara. I informed her a few months ago that I would stop giving her an allowance when she turned 16. I did this because she is old enough to earn her own pocket money by getting a job or babysitting for anyone in the family.
It is also good job experience for her to work and really understand getting a paycheck, not to mention learning how to interact with coworkers. Multiple family members have younger children and are always asking for any relatives who can babysit, so there is something quite easy for her to do if she doesn't want to get a part-time job.
I did the same thing with my older son, and he got his own job at the local pool. There are plenty of jobs around the area, so that is not an issue. I made it clear I would help both of them get a job, and when my son asked, I helped him with his resume.
So her 16th birthday came and went. She asked me where her allowance was, and I reminded her that she isn’t getting one anymore. This started an argument, and she thinks I am a jerk for doing this. My husband also thinks I should give in, but I am not.
OP responded to some comments:
Anxious-Necessary-83 says:
Was the allowance earned by doing chores/work? If so, are you now expecting her to perform that work for free?
OP says:
No, they got it no matter what. We didn’t pay for chores, chores were just something everyone had to do to make the house function. Didn’t want them to correlate chores to moeny since you don’t get money when you do chores as an adult. Chores are just something you have to do, if you want a clean house.
Melodic_Arm_387 says:
Do you provide all her essentials, including clothes if she needs them?
OP responded:
Of course. The allowance is just fun money like going to the movie with her friends.
Remarkable_Inchworm says:
NTA. 16 is a perfectly reasonable age to begin part-time work. (Younger than that is really impractical - most places can't hire kids younger than that unless they're "off the books" and that's not a good idea for anyone.)
OP even gave Kara an easy solution - babysitting for friends/family. She doesn't even have to find a job. And work history is something she can put on her college applications in a couple of years.
Sounds like the kid is a little lazy and/or entitled; this is a great way to cure her of that. And if OP did the same with older brother, I'm not sure why Kara would be surprised that this is the expectation.
Comprehensive-Gur469 says:
NTA. Also I think a lot of people commenting YTA are children themselves because she could literally just babysit one day every two weeks or so. They’re acting like she’s being forced into the work force lol. And I assume you still pay for her necessities and this allowance is for things she wants (jewelry, a pretty top) / her outings?
I’m a 20 year old college kid and really wished my parents made me get a job for just a few weeks or something. Learning discipline and time management with a job is incredibly more difficult than high school because everything is structured and laid out for you (parents make you food, make you wake up, make you do homework, etc).
I struggled a lot my first year in college because so had no such discipline. The only exception I see is if she is in very important clubs / sports that are important for her college admissions and future as very competitive things like that create that discipline anyways
What do you think?