'AITA for refusing giving up my dog because of my fiance's daughter's allergy?'

"AITA for refusing to give up my dog for my fiancé’s allergic daughter?"

TheAngelRaisedBySin writes:

I (34F) have a golden retriever, Max. He’s been with me for seven years, and he’s more than a pet—he’s family. My fiancé, Tim (37M), recently moved in with his 9-year-old daughter, Emily. Emily is severely allergic to dogs. Not the “take a Benadryl and you’re fine” kind—she breaks out in hives and experiences serious breathing issues.

Tim knew I had Max from the start, and when we were dating, he swore it wouldn’t be a problem because they didn’t live with me. But now that they’ve moved in, it’s a constant issue. Emily’s allergy flares up every time she’s here, and now Tim is demanding I rehome Max “for her safety.”

I’ve suggested every compromise I can think of: keeping Max out of her room, constant deep cleaning, investing in air purifiers, and even boarding Max part-time when Emily is over. But none of it is good enough. Tim says I need to “put Emily first” and get rid of Max completely. He also made it clear that if I don’t, we might need to rethink the wedding.

I told him flat-out that I’m not rehoming Max. I love Tim and Emily, but Max is family, and I’m not dumping him like an old piece of furniture. Tim says I’m selfish and “not ready to be a stepmom.” His family has piled on, saying I’m prioritizing a dog over a child, and now I’m the villain of the week. My friends are split—some agree with me, while others think I’m being heartless.

Here are the top rated comments.

Rich_Restaurant_3709 says:

NTA - it says a lot to me that he moved in with OP. My guess is he did know how bad her allergies are, but he likes OPs living situation more than his own, and was hoping to strong arm OP to get his way. This is not a good look for him either way. Here are the scenarios:

A dad who is so clueless he has no idea how bad his daughter’s allergies are. A dad willing to disrupt his daughter’s life by moving in with someone (instead of having OP move in with him), and having that new environment be a hazard to her health. A partner willing to put his daughter’s well being at risk just to get his way

Any one of these would be a deal breaker for me. By any chance is your financial situation pretty stable? Do you have a decent amount of career success? I don’t want to jump to him using you OP, but damn this does not seem like a guy you should spend your life with.

WhereWeretheAdults says:

NTA. I agree with Tim. It is time to rethink the wedding. He is not putting his child first over your dog, he is putting his child first over you. As a father, he is entitled to do that. He is not entitled to the "my way or the highway" act.

As a partner, you are free to evaluate if that is the life you want in a marriage. The other way to look at this is to remove the conflict from the picture and look at his actions. He moved in to your home. Now he is unilaterally making demands. That is a red-flag.

lmchatterbox says:

NTA for not giving up the dog, but you guys shouldn’t have moved in together. I don’t see how it would work out. When I started dating my husband, I lived alone with my dog and my cat. I told him we were a package deal. It was all 3 of us, or none of us, because I commit to pets for their whole lives. That worked for me, but my husband didn’t have an allergic child from a previous relationship.