'AITA if I change my wedding RSVP after having a plus-one rescinded?'
"AITA if I change my wedding RSVP after having a plus-one rescinded?"
I have a friend from college that is getting married in 2 1/2 weeks. I got the invitation for the wedding a week ago, and the invite had a QR code which brought you to their wedding website on the knot.
The wedding is on a Friday, is very last minute, and I will have to take time off of work to attend. I am friends with the Bride from college, and we have one mutual friend who is also invited. The mutual friend that we share, however, is unable to attend the wedding so I will not know anyone at the event aside from the bride.
When I went to RSVP on the knot, it gave me the option to add a plus one. I have never seen this option before without having a plus-one invited, so I assumed I was allowed a plus one. I am not in a long term relationship, but because I won’t know anyone at the wedding, I asked my friend to attend with me, and added her to my RSVP.
A few days later I got a text from the bride saying that I don’t have a plus one and shouldn’t have added my friend and that I cannot bring her. She said she still wants me to attend and that I can make friends with the other guests at the wedding even though I don’t know anyone.
I’m guessing bride & groom gave me the plus-one by mistake, but she didn’t say so or apologize for the confusion, just told me that I shouldn’t have added anyone. I am very socially anxious and am now very nervous about attending the wedding on my own.
I get very uncomfortable in situations where I don’t know anyone, and now I don’t really want to use my PTO to attend a last minute wedding where I’m not going to know anyone.
AITA if I change my RSVP to no since I won’t know anyone at the event? I feel trapped because I did technically say I was free when I RSVP'd yes, but it was contingent on being able to bring a guest to keep me company.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
East_Parking8340 said:
You can absolutely change your mind. Frankly, the lateness of the invite heavily implies that you are a seat filler for others who either canceled or said no. It’s likely, however, that your relationship with your friend will never (fully) recover - considering you were not a first choice I doubt this will have much impact on your life going forward. NTA.
PleaseCoffeeMe said:
Change your rsvp, don’t bother giving an excuse. You were invited 2 1/2 weeks before the wedding, which means you were a B or C level guest, who only got an invite because not enough A levels decided to attend. If they ask, just say your friend was your transportation. NTA.
casscatla said:
No. You're fine. Just be sure to change your RSVP to no before the due date. If she asks you about it, just answer that you're really socially anxious. Then don't engage with any more questions. You have a perfectly legitimate reason to say no. The rest is gravy.
WittyAndWeird said:
With that short of notice it’s likely you didn’t make the cut of the people they really wanted there, and now they’re just looking for people to fill the seats of those who couldn’t make it. If it were me, I’d cancel and just accept that the friendship will probably be over. NTA.
CuriousEmphasis7698 said:
NTA. You can completely change your mind about attending. Given the last minute nature of the invite it sounds like inviting you might have been an afterthought. Don't put yourself out to attend an event where you will only know 1 person, who (given that it's the bride) is not exactly going to be free to keep you company.
magictubesocksofjoy said:
NTA - this sounds awful and the short notice is awful and not being able to bring a friend is awful.