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Couple’s decision to dismiss family name tradition for baby ignites holiday drama with in-laws. AITA?

Couple’s decision to dismiss family name tradition for baby ignites holiday drama with in-laws. AITA?

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"AITA for dismissing my IL's attempts to convince me to follow their family baby naming traditions?"

My husband and I (both 20s) are expecting our first child and we have decided not to do what his family typically does by using family first names and middles names as our baby names.

We both have our reasons. I don't have a family. I was a foster kid. My birth family is shit. I never found a forever family in the system. My husband said it would feel weird to pick from just his side. Especially when we already have his last name.

He doesn't want it to seem like I'm unimportant and I appreciate it because it does make me emotional when I think about having to say we named our kids after family but it's only his side. Just adding some salt to the wound of being unwanted as a kid.

My husband's reason is he would be under a tremendous amount of pressure to choose to use names from his mom and stepfather's sides of the family and not from his late dad's side.

While he would prefer to use names from just his parents sides. It would be a big deal though. Most importantly because there was already some drama over our last name.

His name was changed when his mom remarried to his stepfather's and he changed it back as an adult. That was a very sensitive and sore point for them and he doesn't want to juggle their feelings when we're meant to be the parents and naming the children as a couple and not with his family.

The news got around because a relative had wanted to use the name of a recently deceased relative for their unborn child. Our baby is due first and the relative wanted to check if we were using it.

My husband said it was fine. But the relative was like you sure, could you change your mind, etc. My husband said we weren't using a family name at all. This was kept quiet for several weeks and then the relative blurted it out during an extended family dinner and my husband's family were acting like the world was ending.

I know my ILs feel strongly about this but it was an overreaction, I thought. They tried to change our minds and my husband's mom and stepfather were very outspoken about how much it meant to them and how they felt my husband should follow it for the kids. He said we were the parents and we didn't want to but that "wasn't good enough" according to them.

Over the holidays they kept trying to approach me about it and I said I was only talking names with my husband. They didn't give up and tried to convince me that it would be good for the baby and how I should want to use family names. I told them to give up because I wasn't listening and wasn't going to listen.

They told me it was so rude to dismiss them like that when they're only trying to be caring grandparents. They told me I should be grateful they want us to keep the tradition. My husband told them to leave me alone and we needed some space if they're going to be like this. AITA?

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:

NTA. This is a decision between you and your husband. Personally, even after the name is decided, I would not share it with anyone until after birth. It will just result in more hounding/insults due to them not approving.

"He said we were the parents and we didn't want to but that "wasn't good enough" according to them." Well, they're wrong. It's your choice, you have valid reasons for not wanting to follow their tradition, and even if you didn't it wouldn't matter because you're the parents. I'm glad your husband is being supportive, and I hope his parents come to understand that it's not their decision to make.

"only trying to be caring grandparents"? Bullshit. More like "only trying to be controlling grandparents". NTA.

And "doing it for the kids" and "it would be good for the baby" like... it's a name, you're not giving your kids a superpower, they will survive not having the same name as the rest of the family. They act like they paid for these names and trying to make sure they got their money's worth.

(OP)

I never thought of it that way but you're not wrong. It would make more sense if people had to buy names and you wanted to get the most out of your money.

NTA. The only two people who have to agree on the names are the two parents. What anyone else thinks is irrelevant.

NTA. If they continue to push, tell them that IF you use family names, you will ONLY use names from your husbands late father’s side because, well, tradition. That should shut them up in a hurry.

NTA. Urgh. The parents said no should be enough reason. We also refused to name after family. When they kept suggesting it, my spouse told them he didn't believe in naming children after the living, but should one of them croak before the baby is born, we would consider using their name. Strangely, no one was dying to share a name. 😂😂😂

When somebody mentions naming your baby both of you should stand up and walk out of the room without a word. Repeat that a few times. If after 3-4 times they continue to do it, just leave the place and go home. Without saying anything. Happens on the phone? End the call. They call you again? Don't pick it up until the next day and if they start with the same topic end that call as well.

So, what do you think about this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?

Sources: Reddit
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