'AITA for leaving my husband and kids because I don't want to be a SAHM?'
"AITA for leaving my husband and kids?"
TheRealCybertruck writes:
Hi everyone, I (38F) am a stay-at-home mom—well, I was until recently. I’m married to my husband (40M), and we have twin daughters (14F). I left my job about a month ago, but the truth is, I’ve never been able to hold a job for long since I got married.
Every time my daughters get sick (which happens a lot because they both have asthma), I’m the one who takes them to the doctor, manages their medications, and stays up all night during their asthma attacks. My husband? He doesn’t really help with any of that.
To be fair, he’s responsible when it comes to work and provides financially—our bills are paid, and we live comfortably. And honestly, I like taking care of the house. Having a clean home gives me a sense of peace. But here’s the thing: no one lifts a finger to help me.
I cook, clean, do laundry—everything. And when my husband and daughters come home, they just… relax. Not even a “thank you.” They won’t wash their own plates or uniforms, even after I’ve asked—begged—them to help.
I’ve had this conversation with them more times than I can count. Five times? Ten? I lost track. But since I’m starting a new job tomorrow, I told them things had to change. I said I’d keep doing most of the chores, but they needed to do simple things—like washing their own uniforms and not leaving dirty dishes behind.
And I told them, point blank, that if I found even one dirty plate left behind, I’d leave and go stay with my mom. They told me I was stressed and gave me this book, How to Stay Sane as a SAHM, which made me feel awful.
Well, guess what? Today, after school, they ate lunch, left their dirty dishes on the table, and went on with their day like nothing happened—not even 24 hours after I asked for help. So, I packed a bag and left to stay with my mom. And you know what really hurts? They didn’t seem to care. No one called me, no one tried to stop me. It’s like I’m invisible.
I told them I’ll be back in a few days—maybe a week—but I feel so empty and unappreciated. My mom thinks I’ve spoiled them too much, and maybe she’s right. But is it really too much to ask for a little help? So… AITAH for leaving?
Here are the top rated comments.
davekayaus says:
NTA, but stay away and out of contact for longer than you said. If you go back, it will be a defeat and you will get even less respect than you do now. They think you have a need to be home and cleaning up after them. Prove them wrong. Spend a month out of contact and focused on your new job. If nothing else, I think doing this will change your own view of yourself.
PensiveCricket says:
You're not going to want to hear this, and I say it as kindly as possible - but YOU and your husband created this. Your daughters are a product of the environment you created. SO what do you do now? They don't care you left, but will they care if you take away what does matter to them? Phones? TV? Ground them? Don't let them play sports they love?
You need to reel it in now and stop spoiling your daughters because your mother is right. Leaving your kids and your husband isn't the answer. Being a mom that implements appropriate rules and consequences when they are broken, is. And you need your husband on board with this.
ZaharielNemiel says:
NTA - They have taken you for granted, it’s time that all three of them grow up and learn that life is not all flowers and Netflix. Things don’t just happen and they need to get on with their own chores or risk losing you forever. You’re no one’s slave and learning this will stand them in good stead for the future.
MetaTn says:
NTA at all. You didn’t leave them—you gave them a wake-up call. You’ve been holding everything together for so long that they just assumed you always would. It’s not wrong to expect basic respect and effort from the people you take care of. Stay at your mom’s, let them feel your absence, and see if they finally get it. You deserve to be appreciated, not just expected.