'AITA for refusing to change my entire wedding catering plan for my brother's GF?'
"AITAH for refusing to hire a different catering company for my wedding?"
SwimmingLogical4009u writes:
I (28F) am getting married in April. My brother (34M) reached out about the catering because his girlfriend, Jessie (37F), is Jewish and needed a kosher meal. I was fine with that. We already had guests with nut, dairy, and gluten allergies, so I just added it to my list of special meals to accommodate.
When I told him what I planned for appetizers, dinner, and dessert, he got upset, saying that what I chose wasn’t kosher. I was confused because I had planned a specific meal for Jessie. He explained that it wouldn’t work because kosher isn’t just about the food itself but also how it’s stored and prepared.
If the catering company I chose wasn’t kosher, certain foods would be stored together, prepared at the same time, and served at the same meal, which violates kosher rules. He told me I’d need to hire a catering company that specializes in kosher meals and completely change my reception meal plan.
I’m not doing that. I plan to have a seafood bar, which is a big no-no for kosher diets, along with several other dishes I couldn’t serve at my wedding anymore. Nearly every food I planned—my favorites—would have to go. Plus, I looked into it, and hiring a kosher catering company would raise my bill by thousands.
I told my brother I was sorry but couldn’t do it. He got angry, saying I was purposely excluding his girlfriend. When I suggested she bring her own separate meal, he got even angrier, saying it was horrible of me to expect that from her.
I think they’re being ridiculous. Why should I change the entire menu for my wedding, something I’m so excited about, to accommodate my brother’s girlfriend? Why would I spend an extra $3,500 on food I don’t even want just because she doesn’t want to bring her own Tupperware of food to the reception?
My brother said I’m prioritizing superficial things over family, which honestly made me laugh because they’ve only been dating for four months. She’s not family. He had to throw a fit just to get her invited to the wedding because he didn’t even know her when RSVPs went out.
I haven’t even met her. And now I’m expected to change so much about my big day for her? AITA? I didn’t think about having a meal delivered from another restaurant. But a big part of the issue my brother is presenting is that there would still be non-kosher foods at the wedding.
Here are the top rated comments from the post.
AdLeather2708 says:
NTA. I have celiac. Because of my constant worry of cross-contamination, I bring my own food with me everywhere. I never expect anyone to provide me food with my strict diet. Your brother is being an AH. It’s not his wedding, he isn’t required to attend.
Impossible-Cattle504 says:
I am both an orthodox jew(kosher observant) and a caterer. Most caterers know how to handle this, and most kashrut observant Jews understand and accept special meals at non kosher events. It can be handled in many ways, ranging from a frozen meal heated up to a restaurant or caterer prepared meal on their own china with their own utensils, glasswear, etc. Depends on what you are looking for.
Sounds like this is coming from your brother, not his girlfriend, the one for whom it's relevant. He sounds either completely ridiculous or, like he is being deliberately obtuse and picking a fight. Only you can Guage that. Honestly, I would stop indulging him, reach out to the girlfriend, ask her if she is actually interested in attending, and what that would take. Seems like something is missing here.
ryneches says:
Hopefully the brother just really likes his girlfriend and doesn't understand what he's talking about. If she's dating a non-Jew, odds are good that she's not going to freak out if she sees someone eat a shrimp.
BroomRyder31 says:
NTA. So he thinks it's horrible of you to be okay with her bringing her own meal, but he has no clue how horrible it is for him to expect you to completely change the menu for your wedding?!? That's irrational, selfish, and hypocritical at best. Just tell him that since he's offering to cover the $3,500 difference, you'll see what you can do!