'AITA for not changing my wedding catering because one vegan hates mushrooms? Then don't be vegan!'
"AITA for refusing to change my wedding catering to accomdate my one vegan, gluten free guest?"
Agreeable_Gift979 writes:
My fiancé “Daniel” and I are in the process of planning our wedding. We recently decided on a catering service that we thought was the best option within our price range and would satisfy all of our guests’ dietary needs. Most significantly, Daniel’s brother has a tree nut allergy, so we needed a service that would accommodate that, which limited our options.
About a week ago, my cousin “Meredith” reached out to me, letting me know she is now eating vegan and gluten-free for health reasons. Meredith is known to hop on trends only to move on to something else the next month, whether it be clothes, food, etc., so I highly doubt she will still be vegan and gluten-free by the time the wedding rolls around.
Still, we had not finalized our menu yet, so I sent her the catering website and asked her to pick what she wanted. A few minutes later, Meredith informed me that the only vegan gluten-free entree was a mushroom dish and said, “You KNOW I despise mushrooms.” (I had no idea. I also had no idea she was vegan and gluten-free.) She asked if there was another catering company I could use.
I told her no—both Daniel and I looked through the menus for companies that satisfied all dietary needs of our guests and picked the one we liked the most. I didn’t say this, but it’s also a matter of principle and not just which food we like—asking us to change our catering service to accommodate her WANT, not her need, is incredibly self-centered, and if I agreed, I would be reinforcing cr%#py behavior.
She complained, “Everyone’s needs but mine,” and I retorted, “Your needs are met. If you do not like mushrooms, perhaps you can eat beforehand.” I thought that would be the end, but the next morning I woke up to several messages from Meredith with links to catering companies.
A lot of them were all vegan or all gluten-free (I am NOT subjecting my guests to a vegan or gluten-free wedding), and some of them were companies Daniel and I had already looked at. I told Meredith my decision was final and that if she pressed more, I would uninvite her from my wedding. She has not bothered me since.
I asked Daniel what he thought, since he is my voice of reason, and he said that I shouldn’t have threatened to uninvite Meredith over some text messages. He even said that if she just really hated mushrooms and had no real reason to be vegan or gluten-free, we could pick a different place and it wasn’t a big deal.
It's easier for us to change so early in the process, and there were lots of other options we liked. I told him it’s not just about the food or the hassle of change—it’s about principle. Daniel said if I was really that petty and just wanted to teach Meredith a lesson, I should let it go. Does not changing the catering company make me an AH?
Here are the top comments:
AmbitiousAd2463 says:
NTA (Not the A^@$0le) at all. Like you said, she’s asking you to change your caterer to accommodate her wants, not her needs - I think it’s reasonable to get upset if your wedding didn’t have options for her dietary restrictions.
However, if there is a vegan gluten free option, it’s not your responsibility to make sure it’s something that she will like. More importantly, it’s your wedding, you should be making sure you cater food that you and your fiancé would enjoy. It is meant to be your day
Kayhowardhlots says:
NTA. Meredith/Kennedy is being deliberately difficult. I'm always curious about these people who expect weddings to be just changed on their whims. Have they not heard of contracts? I doubt your catering company would be willing to forgo your deposit because of one relative.
decentlyfair says:
NTA I am vegan and have been for many years but I still wouldn’t expect you to change anything to suit me. If I didn’t like the option for vegan I would bring something with me, have had to do that before and no doubt will again. It is a me problem so I need to solve it. So does your cousin.
TemptingPenguin369 says:
NTA. Meredith or Kennedy or whatever is suffering from "new vegan syndrome" and hasn't learned that the world doesn't (literally) cater to her chosen diet. After 30-plus years, I just ask politely to see the menu and figure out what I can put together to meet my needs and see if I can put together something to eat.
If I can't, I eat beforehand. The idea of asking someone to change their caterer to meet my needs is beyond audacious and is completely rude. This is a wedding, not two weeks in the wilderness, and she will survive missing a meal.
What do you think?