'AITA for not letting my in-laws drive my infant without a car seat?' UPDATED 2X
"AITA for not letting my in-laws drive my infant without a car seat?"
Basically my wife’s parents are stubborn and don’t want to have a car seat in their car. My child is 11 months old, and they think a seatbelt on top of a towel is fine. I am putting my foot down and refusing to allow them to transport my child in their vehicle.
This is causing a rift, and my wife says I should just let it go, because they did the same thing with her when she was young and she never got hurt. AITA?
Edit: Wow this really blew up. I should add some context. My in laws are usually sane and good people, but are from an eastern bloc country and so a bit old school in some of their thinking
Here's what people had to say to OP:
If they can’t respect basic safety requirements like using a car seat, it raises serious concerns about their judgment in other situations. It’s not worth taking chances with your child’s well-being.
Never leave the kid alone with these grandparents.
I should mention that they are litigious. They’ve threatened to sue my wife’s brother for access to see his children more often after he stopped bringing them around due to some different safety concerns.
YTA for even entertaining that question. If as a parent this is the kind of poll you take, I’d question YOUR fitness to parent.
In the same post OP added this update:
Alright based on the advice here, I called my father in-law and told him I would buy them a car seat, but they will need to use it if they want my child in their vehicle. He said he would think about it.
5 minutes later, my wife comes storming in screaming at me for going behind her back, so I guess he wasn’t impressed and called her. Anyway, she called me a “f------ p----” and I told her she can leave. And she did. So yeah… guess I’m a single dad now?
My wife is back home now and has apologized. She agrees that our child should ride in a car seat. My in-laws are going to watch him tomorrow and she has agreed to tell them that the baby must be in a car seat. Maybe I’ll provide another update in a few days.
2 days later OP came back with this update:
So first thing this morning I head to Walmart and pick up a car seat for my in-laws. The plan was they were taking my kid for the day, as I work and my wife had a lengthy medical appointment.
My in-laws arrives, I set up the car seat in his car, father in-law is a bit grumpy but mostly okay. They leave with my kid and all is well.
I usually get home from work at 5:30, but I got home a bit early today. Just as I’m pulling in the driveway, my in-laws pull up next to me. My father in law looked at me like a cat with a canary in his mouth. I get out of my car and walk up to theirs, and my child is sitting on a fucking stack of folded towels and covered in a blanket with a seatbelt strapped across him.
I lost my s%^&. Words were said and I told them they’re never seeing their grandchild again. I also called the non emergency police line, and they said I can come in and file a police report and they’ll refer it to the prosecutor’s office. I am going down there tomorrow on my lunch.
My wife doesn’t want me to pursue charges. She says it’s just how her parents are. She knows I’m mad but she has always had a tough time going against her parents. Part of me wants to just never let them near my kid again, but I don’t think it’s realistic given how close my wife is to her parents.
So tough spot. I want to pursue charges - I’m pi$%ed. Pretty sure it’s gonna cost me my marriage though. So yeah, fun day…kid is sleeping safe and sound at least.
Here's what people had to say after the update:
NTA, what the serious??? You bought the seat and set it up in their car and they couldn't use it??? Don't let them drive your child anywhere. I don't know about the legal stuff, but, at a minimum, child doesn't ride with grandparents again.
Don't let anyone tell you this isn't serious or that you are overreacting. You child's safety is at risk. I had a car accident with 2 very young kids in car seats, and the car seats saved their lives. They were actually much better off than I was.
Ouch. Obviously NTA, you know this. What I will say is that... if pursuing charges is going to cost you your marriage (and assuming you're not otherwise interested in getting a divorce), is that going to mean more opportunities for your wife to leave your kids with her parents and them being in danger again?
I guess my point is that I might consider not pursuing charges in your shoes if my wife could in turn accept that her parents don't get to watch the kids without supervision anymore. Period.
File charges. Tell your wife it's time to choose between her child's safety and her incredibly stupid parents.
Yep, I think I’m gonna do it