"WIBTA if I suggested an infidelity clause in our prenuptial agreement?"

Getting married. We will have a prenuptial agreement. We have been together for over 5 years. Last year while I was out of town for an extended time period, she had an affair. I wish to never experience that kind of pain again. I have forgiven her and asked that she never speak to this person again. She reluctantly agreed after a spout about me trying to control her.

My stance is that I don't want to be in the relationship if she is still communicating with him. I don't want to control her, but I also want to make sure I'm happy and comfortable. That is my boundary. She obviously still has feelings for this person in that she talks about "letting the things you love go."

Part of me shakes my head in disgust, but part of me is empathetic and I understand it is hard to let things go that you love. It's a hard situation for her to be in as well. As far as I can tell, she has held up her side and not communicated with this person. Regarding the prenuptial agreement, it is, for the most part, to protect her parents' assets. I have no issue with this.

Would I be an a$$hole for suggesting an infidelity clause be added to the prenuptial agreement?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

simplylisa said:

NTA, but since she still have feelings for this person why are you getting married. This is asking for trouble. Even if she doesn't communicate with him, she still is having an emotional affair, even if one sided.

[deleted] said:

OP do not marry this person. She doesn’t love you, she loves comfort and you are comfortable. NTA, but seriously do not marry this person.

claypolejr said:

"She reluctantly agreed after a spout about me trying to control her." This is not the woman you want to marry.

"It's a hard situation for her to be in as well." Ah, rubbish. She betrayed you.

DrFishTaco said:

NTA - why are you marrying her when she was reluctant to give up contact and admits to feelings for him

He has since added these edits to his original post:

Edit: Answering a few questions here. I believe it was a mistake during a difficult time in our relationship. I believe as humans we are a victim of our own primal instincts at times. To me, once and done is a mistake to be forgiven. A repeat is a different story. As long as it's once and it is rectified and boundaries respected, I am willing to forgive and move on.

Edit 2: To clarify, this infidelity clause would not void the entire prenup. Edit 3: I do not want to share income generating assets or have any contact with her if it were to happen again. I would rather sever and split them as wholes to never need contact.

We(the two of us) have a few income generating assets and I would move to take one in total and split the remainder equally. I have no interest in pegging her parents financially for her mistakes. I am thinking the clause would affect how the assets we share are divided. I would rather move on completely instead of it being a nasty splitting mess. I see it similarly to the initial idea of the prenup.

Edit 3: Thanks for all of the replies. Seems to be a general consensus of do not marry this person. I'll answer some questions I've seen repeatedly.

Why would you marry someone who...

I have made mistakes in the past and I do not repeat them. I learn and move on. It seems the question here is: does she see it as a mistake and does she actually love me? At first she did not see it as a mistake, which was devastating and infuriating at the same time. Over time she has been in tears multiple times about the mistake she has made.

I see her feeling remorse for this and not wishing to do it again. Since giving my boundaries of no contact, she thanked me for drawing a line. I don't know if I've actually been able to process that statement completely. I do trust that she does not wish to do this again.

However, the pain of the first time was enough for me. If it does happen again, I wish for there to be clear instructions on asset distribution so I can have the least amount of contact with this person possible. I am not looking to punish anyone financially. I do want it to be known that I will not tolerate the behavior and that her agreement to not talk to this person is legit enough to ink it down.

Later, he added this update:

UPDATE: I just got off the phone with her. I explained my discomfort with her reactions to multiple situations and said I am leaning heavily towards an infidelity clause with contacting this person specifically to be a breach of said clause. We ended the conversation calmly and we will see what unfolds...

He then further explained himself in the comments:

I believe that if you develop feelings for someone, they don't just go away. In my mind, if she told me she didn't have feelings anymore, I would be more suspicious because I feel she would be lying. Instead, she is being painfully honest. I would be a hypocrite if I didn't respect that or at least appreciate it.

I have learned a great deal about myself, her, and our relationship this past year. I have subscribed to the idea that our previous relationship is dead and we are navigating our new one. I plan to discuss couples therapy very soon.

The way in which the prenup situation unfolds will tell much about the way this relationship will be or not be in the future. I really appreciate all of the comments. I realize I could be heating up my own cook pot.

Good luck, OP.