'AITA for insulting my stepmom after my half-sister made a move on my fiancé?' UPDATED

"AITA for insulting my stepmother during family dinner?"

My (27F) mother died of an illness when I was seven, and my father (52M) remarried when I was nine to my stepmother (42F). Prior to getting married, my father and stepmother did have an affair, while my mother was ill. Their affair resulted in "Rose" (20F), my half-sister. Growing up, I have always resented my father and stepmother.

Rose and I have not had the best relationship, and my father has been openly biased towards her, while my stepmother would often pick my side in arguments. I am engaged to my college sweetheart "Josh" (27M) and we will be married in two months. We are also currently expecting our first child. I am on good terms with his entire family, and I am particularly closest to his sister "Emily" (25F).

Last week, we had planned a double date movie night. Something came up, and Emily's date was unable to attend. It so turned out that Rose had heard my phone call with Emily, and she pleaded me that she wanted to attend the movie night event with the extra ticket. I didn't want Rose to join in, and so I told her that I was sorry and that I didn't want her to be there.

She complained to our father, who yelled at me for being an ungrateful sister and useless like my late mother. I was hurt by this, and so I relented and allowed Rose to accompany us, after my stepmother begged me. The four of us ended up going to the movie theater together. During the middle of the movie, I felt incredibly nauseous and hence left to the women's restroom with Emily.

Afterwards, I decided to take a walk to feel better, and Emily said she wanted to give me company. Although Josh asked me if I needed him to come, I told him he could enjoy the movie. After the movie was over, Josh pulled me aside and said that after Emily and I left, Rose had been flirting with him and tried to kiss him multiple times. He told me he was annoyed and uncomfortable and this only made me feel angry.

The next day (I slept over at Josh's house), I yelled at Rose for behaving inappropriately towards my fiance to which she responded "Maybe I'll be the one marrying him."

To which I responded, "What else can I expect from you, when you're the daughter of [insert stepmother's name]". My father screamed at me for insulting his wife. My stepmother started crying and said that she loved me like her own daughter and would never expect this coming from me.

AITA? I think I could be the AH because I've rarely seen my stepmother cry during family dinner, and I think that I may have hurt her feelings. I've never liked her from since I was a child, but she's always treated me nicely.

I feel that my hormones made me a bit more sensitive than usual and I snapped. I spoke about this matter to Josh, and he is furious that my stepmother and dad made a whole scene to make me feel bad. So, AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

baobab77 said:

NTA. They had an affair while your mother was dying. Just because you may have never mentioned it before, does not mean it didn't affect you. Rose and her mother were called out for their behavior and are now mad over facts? Don't want to be called out for immoral acts that impact other people? Don't commit them.

OP responded:

I agree with you. My fiance thinks my stepmother was faking her crying, but I'm not 100% sure about that.

SpeedBlitzX said:

I'm going with NTA with the reason that your father insulted your deceased mother, and then got offended when you insulted your Step-mom for the actions they've both done. He shouldn't be saying insulting things like that then get offended when someone gives him a taste of his own medicine.

As well as in terms of your step-mom feeling offended and crying, that doesn't take away from the fact she hooked up with your father when your mother was fighting for her life. When your father should have been by your and your mother's side.

OP responded:

My stepmother has always been nice to me, but I've figured it's probably because she feels guilty for having an affair with my father while she was acquainted with my mother and I (for reference, she was my father's secretary). Despite my dislike for her, I've decided to apologize.

780no said:

NTA truth hurts. She’ll always be a mistress that slept with a man with a dying wife. I recommend cutting your sister out before she tries to do the same thing…

OP responded:

My fiance suggests I get a restraining order from her, before she causes any harm to our baby. I don't know if she would really go to that extent, but again we were never close and she's always been a bit rude towards me, so I'm not 100% sure what to do about that.

Last_Caterpillar8770 said:

NTA, but Dad and sister are. Your father is the worst of them all. Saying such horrible things about your mother. I would not invite any of them to your wedding and I would move out ASAP. Good riddance to bad rubbish. The only one here with any type of remorse for anything seems to be stepmom. She at least tried to be kind. Though past behavior I can understand your unwillingness to like her.

OP responded:

I do not plan on inviting my father or sister to the wedding. Although my stepmother is kind, I do not plan on inviting her either, as I do not feel close to her and I still harbor some resentment from years ago. I will be moving out in two months when I get married.

And Dontdrinkthecoffee said:

ESH yeah. Everyone sucks except Josh here, keep him because he seems to be a decent sort. You only suck a little bit because of the way you lashed out, but I don’t really feel like that’s your fault because of all the misery you’ve been through.

You know your stepmother has done bad things, but it wasn’t she who hurt you at that time so I think taking it out on her instead of Rose wasn’t great. It sounds like she tried to make up the horrible things she did to you- but at the same time, she still sucks.

I think your dad sucks the most, how can he talk that way to you about your mother?! If you haven’t already, maybe look up narcissism and check out the support threads for narcissist parents, might help you deal with his nastiness I would highly advise talking to a psychologist about all your childhood trauma because you have a lot to work through there.

She later shared this update:

Following the incident, I decided to apologize to my stepmother, after avoiding her for two days. I said that I was very frustrated that my sister "Rose" was acting disrespectful and inappropriately towards my fiance, and that instead of taking out the anger on Rose, I ended up taking out the anger on my stepmother.

I did however ask her to tell Rose to stop behaving in such a crude manner around my fiance, which we both feel is uncomfortable. Her response to that was "Rose is only a little girl so she's probably just playing with you. Don't take this too seriously, your sister is a very kind person."

I was a bit taken aback by her answer, because I don't know if Rose is putting on a facade in front of her mother, or if it's my stepmother who's really acting. Following this conversation, I gathered my entire family and informed them that my fiance and I had made a decision regarding our wedding. I told them that I was not going to invite them to the wedding.

I also said that I had already spoken to my fiance's family about this, and my FIL has agreed to walk me down the aisle. My dad was very enraged by this and he said I was an ungrateful daughter for not letting him walk me down the aisle. Rose said that I was a cruel sister for not inviting her to the wedding, and that she had wanted to be my maid of honor.

My stepmother looked very disappointed and said that after our conversation today, she thought we had resolved everything between us. She told me that after my mother died, she thought that I thought of her as my second mother, but she now knows she was wrong. I told her that no matter how nicely she treated me, no one can ever replace my mother.

To that, my father yelled at me for being an ungrateful daughter (yes, again) and he told me that from now on, I was no longer his daughter and that I was not going to receive any inheritance. He told me to get out of his house, to which I replied that I would be moving out in two days. I was incredibly frustrated with this conversation overall, and I left to my fiance's house.

There, I was warmly greeted by my MIL, who offered to make me a meal. I spoke about my plan to move out in two days, because I was pretty much kicked out. My MIL said that I would always be welcomed and loved here. She told me that she's glad she has another daughter to take care of and gave me a hug.

I started crying, because those were just the words I needed to hear after a terrible week. I thanked her for being sweet to me, and hugged her back. Overall, this incident made me realize that perhaps I would have been much happier if I had moved out of my house a while ago. Thank you to those who gave me my advice on my original post. Enjoy your new year!