'AITA for inviting my stepsister to my wedding?' 'The groom is her ex-boyfriend.'

"AITA for inviting my stepsister to my wedding?"

I (25f) am getting married to my fiancé (26m) in December. He is my stepsister's ex-boyfriend. I know I’ll get flamed for that and I’m not even going to defend it.

But the context is, Chloe and my fiancé got together when they were 16, and dated for a few weeks. He broke up with her and asked me out (I was 15 at the time). We have been together ever since.

I could throw out a million excuses or mitigating factors but I won’t. It just boils down to…I cared about him more than I cared about Chloe (we were never close or considered each other family).

I apologized to Chloe, and in the years before Chloe moved out I never brought my fiancé to our house. I never expected Chloe to forgive me, and if I were her, I probably wouldn’t have either. Chloe never spoke to me again beyond a greeting if we were in the same space. My fiancé and I moved away at 18 so apart from Christmas I never really see Chloe anymore.

However, I did send her a courtesy invite to the wedding because I know it meant a lot to my stepdad that she be invited. I never expected her to come though I would have been fine if she did. I just put it out there.

Instead, I get a message on Instagram from Chloe, reaming me out for inviting her because apparently I’m pressuring her to come. I said there’s no obligation on her side but she disagrees, saying that now I’ve put myself in the position to be the bigger person she looks bad if she doesn’t come (my stepdad and his family have been wanting her to drop the grudge for years and it’s caused issues).

I don’t know what else I could have done. My friend said it was harsh to invite her but I think not inviting her would have been beyond rude, and it would have hurt my stepdad who is contributing a lot of money to the wedding.

I’m not saying Chloe has to come or not come but I don’t think I’m the AH for reaching out and at least giving her the option considering her siblings, cousins, and dad will there.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

lamiatw said:

NTA. They dated for a few weeks in high school ten years ago?? No reasonable adult would even consider that person an "ex" in the context of the person getting married. She needs to get over it.

Apart-Ad-6518 said:

NTA. "Chloe and my fiancé got together when they were 16, and dated for a few weeks. He broke up with her and asked me out." It was a few weeks in H S & he was honest enough to break up with her first.

"Saying that now I’ve put myself in the position to be the bigger person she looks bad if she doesn’t come." I think you did all you could here & you gave her the option not to come. It sounds like her family want her to drop her grudge & in these circumstances there doesn't seem to be any reason for to hold onto it.

Perfect_Calendar9847 said:

NTA. Dating for a couple of weeks in high school is not noteworthy enough to still be holding a grudge ten years later. An invite is not a summons, she doesn’t have to attend.

If you were never close and never considered each other a sibling, then it’s no different to any high school break up. There’s no real betrayal because you didn’t have a relationship other than the one forced upon you by your parents marriage.

ButterflyBakeryVT said:

NTA. She was clearly hurt at the time, but there does exist a timeframe to be able to move beyond it and I think that 10 years is there. So it's ok for you to invite her and it's ok for her to not come.

Putrid_Roll_7952 said:

YTA. Chloe has made it clear she wants nothing to do with you, but apparently having daddy warbucks paying for your wedding is more important than respecting what Chloe wants.

StorageAlive said:

YTA - For sure it is childish of her and whatnot, but if a person doesn’t like you and wants to go low/no contact that should be respected. Even if we think the reason is not valid. I think it would have been nicer to either not invite her at all if it is cristal clear that she doesn’t want to be there.

Or if it is not completely clear contact her first informally and ask her if she wants to be invited or not before sending any official invitation. And if not or no response tell stepdad that it is not a good idea and to respect her wish of no/low contact.

NotCreativeAtAll16 said:

NTA. You were pressured to invite her, and she's feeling pressure to attend, but the pressure isn't from you. The AH here is the stepdad trying to make everyone act like one big happy family despite not being one.