'AITA for inviting someone to my friend’s engagement party knowing it might cause drama?'
"AITA for inviting someone to my friend’s engagement party, knowing it might cause drama?"
I (23F) have been friends with Jenette (22F) for 4 years now, and Jeanette is engaged to Jake (23M). She’s kind, funny, and has always been a supportive friend to me. However, I’ve never liked her fiancé, Jake (23M). Jake and I have never gotten along, I felt like he wasn’t a good match for her. He’s the type to make rude jokes, flirt too openly, and has a horrible ego.
Although I’ve tried to tell Jeanette gently that her fiancé was not the best, I didn’t have any concrete reasons he was an ahole, just my intuition so I kept most of my thoughts to myself for a while because Jeanette was so happy with him. I’d assumed they might break up eventually.
When they announced their engagement, I was happy for her but deep down, I felt like it was a mistake. Last weekend was their engagement party at their apartment, and I have to admit I went into it feeling petty. I invited a good friend of mine Clara, who Jake had once hit on before he and Jeanette got serious.
I didn’t have a plan to “trap” him per say, but I wasn’t exactly being innocent either because I knew in my gut that Jake would do something. Neither Clara nor Jeanette was aware of this. Sure enough, Jake gravitated toward Clara almost immediately. Clara told me he’d been flirting heavily and even suggested they sneak off together.
I told Clara it was up to her what to do and Clara decided to approach Jeanette directly and tell her everything. However, Clara told Jeanette AT the party. Jeanette stayed calm and asked Clara to lead Jake to their bedroom, where she waited. Jake took the bait, and Jeanette caught him in the act and it was impossible for him to argue that he had pure intentions.
It was a whole mess. Jeanette threw Jake out, and the party ended in tears and chaos. Now, Jeanette is depressed and furious. As of now, she hasn't suspected that I brought Clara to the party on purpose as she’s dealing with the fallout and I haven't had the guts to admit that I brought Clara on purpose.
I feel awful for how it all unfolded, but I feel like Jeanette deserved to find out before she committed to him. That being said, I can’t deny that I went into the situation knowing it might blow up. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Hour-Membership-6831 said:
ESH and do NOT tell anyone you do this. Take it to the grave. I understand why you did it but it was an ahole move to do so. Your poor friend just got humiliated in front of everyone. Now it's her ex's fault for humiliating her but you did set her up for it. Regardless, be there for her now and support her. Do not tell anyone ever.
SubstantialQuit2653 said:
NTA. Please please please, whatever you do, do NOT admit to Jeanette that you had a gut feeling that bringing Clara would create chaos. Maybe 5 years down the line you can admit this, but not now. If you tell Jeanette now, she could run back to jake and make you the bad guy.
FWIW- I think you were smart to bring Clara because Jeanette needed to see what she was getting into and you love her and worry that she would ruin her life marrying jake. But intentionally creating the atmosphere where Jeanette's relationship imploded is a secret you should keep if not forever, then for a very very long time.
RedBirdWrench said:
So your little plan worked. KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT. Telling Jeanette you made this happen will only add to her trauma. Step away, let her grieve for her relationship, and do some soul searching of your own. Your intentions may have been good, although you admit to pettiness. This was a terrible way to go about this. ESH.
OnlyThePhantomKnows said:
NTA. A day/month of pain versus a marriage cycle of pain? You did your friend a solid, but understand it probably cost you that friendship (and maybe more). Expect to be punished for doing what was best for your friend. If Jake wasn't a snake, Clara being there wouldn't have mattered. You put her guy to the test and he failed.
Full-of-Bread said:
ESH. So Jake is definitely a cheating ahole, no doubt about it, good riddance. However, you brought a guest to their party without their knowledge with the plan to meddle. “I went into it feeling petty." “I didn’t have a plan to trap him, but I wasn’t being innocent either. And you won’t even tell her that you facilitated the end of their relationship.
If I found out a friend did that to my relationship, I’d cut off the cheating partner and the friend. I know you think you’re the hero, but you went about it the completely wrong way. You can never know what is going on in a relationship. Personally, I’d have tried harder to warn the friend about Jake rather than launch a grenade at their party, presumably in front of friends and family.
MedicinalWalnuts said:
NTA. The only AH here is Jake. If he had been a good guy who was 100% committed to Jeanette, nothing could have lured him into that bedroom except his fiancee.
But, Jake is a cheating dog who was eager to do the deed with someone else the night of his engagement party. He was willing to throw it all away and risk Jeanette walking in on them. If it hadn't been Clara, it would have been someone else. You saved Jeanette from a lifetime of misery.