'I’ve received kids toys and books for my birthday…AITA for losing it?' UPDATED
"I’ve received kids toys and books for my birthday…AITA for losing it?"
My wife (42) of 11 years and 2 boys (2,5) organised a few presents for my birthday today (42). I said that I wanted something special for me, and it didn’t even have to be a gift, maybe a card and something small then to go out for dinner and drinks and have some alone time.
This morning I was pleasantly treated to some gifts hurriedly stuffed into a bag. Upon opening them I kinda lost it. The gifts were 2 Bluey Children’s books, two Nintendo switch games (Mario Party and Switch sports) some switch accessories and a children’s dumpling making kit (I am a chef of many years)
AITA for losing my s%^#? I think birthdays should be about the individual on that day, I mean it’s supposed to be a day where you at least get to eat cake guilt free… I would have been over them moon with some socks, boxer shorts and some kids drawings on a mug or something goofy like that.
Looking at the gifts here there is not one thing that’s just for me, when pressed wife said “They are so you can use them to play with the kids” and when asked why there wasn’t anything specifically for me the response came back “The boys wanted stuff they could do with you…” 🙄
She is working right now (remote from home on a Sunday) and I am looking after the kids till she finishes at 1pm. So it’s a little difficult to play and such and keep a happy demeanour. The anger has subsided but now I feel sad and guilty for wanting a day to be about me…
Here's what people had to say to OP:
You're 42 and still concerned with birthday gifts? Wtf
Yes, YTA
Hmm, I didn’t want them or anything really just something more like a moment that I could remember my kids at this age. It’s more along the fact that there is nothing really personal there.
Yes YTA. I would be appalled if my husband was angry with the gifts I got him. You’re 42. Act your age.
Someone cared enough to get you something. Lot don’t have that. Stop being picky
Would you ever gift your husband something that wasn’t for him???
I can't help but want to hear a rundown of all the presents and help your wife has received over the last couple years.
The majority have been either things she has asked for specifically, dinners and nights out. She doesn’t do surprises well so I steer clear of them.
Her birthday was just two weeks ago. Her present was a new set of Birkenstocks, a specific set of makeup and a full date day. So out at an exclusive cafe in the morning for brunch, Lunch at her Favourite spot. Then I had the kids looked after and we went out for Cocktails, a Greek feast (her favourite) and a wine bar to finish the evening.
As a father I would be happy with these gifts for my kids to play with me. Yes you should have got something for you. But your kids love you and want to spend time with you cheif. Go do it.
Definitely frustrating! Highly suggest talking with your wife once you feel ready. Be honesty about how it hurt and hopefully she can understand.
This is great advice, I’ll be doing this later on today. ☺️
Well, at least you didn't get cleaning material or something related to you having to do chores like my friend did ;) “The boys wanted stuff they could do with you…” I can kind of see this happening if they were in a store, but I would also think your wife would buy her own present for you that is not a kid's toy.
My now ex gifted me 2 kitchen appliances for Christmas. I wanted to cry. I mentioned to him that I wanted something like a Sephora gift card, or a microphone, or clay (I like crafting). The kitchen stuff was the complete opposite lol.
Oh my God, I think it’s the worst when somebody is gifted household items specifically for everyone in the house for a birthday or Christmas. Oh look a vacuum. wtf! That’s a household item.
Normalize asking for specific things you want for yourself. My wife and I do this and everybody wins. If I wanna add something extra I think she’d enjoy, whether she does or doesn’t, she still gets the specific items she asked for and vice versa.
Being grown up like this is fun
"Edit and update: So many mixed responses and comments. It’s been overwhelming."
So, to try and make the best of the situation I opened the dumpling kit and started to make Bao buns with the boys. Needless to say they were excited for the first 10 minutes but soon moved on to other games soon after. 😑
After my wife finished work she and I had long discussion outside away from the boys and she apologised profusely stating she had all the best intentions and knew that I was planning to buy these things for the boy’s birthdays later on in the year…
In response to if there was another present later or something planned…There was nothing planned to do anything for the rest of the day except head to the pub for a quiet dinner.
So being a hot day I took us down to the beach, swam with the kids, and we picked up some doughnuts (in lieu of a cake) and pizza on the way home to have a little celebration. Now everyone has gone to bed and I’m just chilling with the dog listening to the thunderstorm outside. Might have a cheeky rum 😊 I may not have received the best start to the day but thanks to all who helped make it better.