Woman shocked to learn her husband’s friend introduced her to his mistress during dinner. AITA?
"AITA for judging my husband after he introduced me to his friend’s mistress?"
Throwaway-202401
So me (25f) and my husband (30m) went out to dinner with this friend he’s always talking about and I didn’t got the chance to meet before. My husband told me he’s married with kids, and he’s always inviting us out but we have kids too.
I am a SAHM with no support system close by, so in order to go out we had to arrange child care. I asked who’s coming to dinner and he mentions this friend and “his girl”, other couple that I do know and us.
Dinner was really nice, I had a great time and actually clicked immediately with this woman, most of my husband’s friends are bachelors so I found it cool that he’s friends with this couple I can relate more to, we even planned a trip during the dinner and they showed us all this amazing places they’ve traveled to.
When is time to leave we all got out of the restaurant but she’s on the restroom, it’s freezing cold so we said bye and I told his friend “say bye to your wife, it was really nice to meet her” he looked at me, laughed and says “she’s not my wife” I am SHOCKED so I go like “oh sorry my bad.”
We got in the car and I’m speechless, so my husband asks me what’s wrong and I asked him what was that about, isn’t she the mother of his kids? Is she basically his mistress? He explained to me that he’s on an arranged religious marriage so it’s different and “this is the girl he actually loves and takes everywhere”
That doesn’t make me feel better at all cause a lot of our arguments are about me feeling like the trophy wife holding it down at home while he’s living his best life with his bachelor friends, I know at least other 2 friends of his that cheat openly on their wives the same exact way, and he always says he’s nobody to judge them.
So I told him I just think is sh*tty that most of your friends play to have wifey at home taking care of the kids while they’re out living their best bachelor lives, and that if it was me the one always hanging out with cheater he would feel some type of way too.
I can honestly say I relate to my closest friends, they’re good woman with good values, I don’t see how I could hang out regularly with cheaters and woman I simply don’t relate to, so at this point I’m just not buying it that he’s the only one different in his friends circle.
I don’t know if I’m being insecure, but I really feel stupid, and now he’s the one that’s upset because I ruined the night based on something that is out of his control and that he’s nobody to judge his friends personal life.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
MaybeTypical8680
NTA. It’s totally fair to feel weird about this. Finding out your husband’s friend brought his mistress instead of his wife would throw anyone off. Plus, if a lot of his friends openly cheat, it makes sense you’d be uncomfortable with that crowd.
Your feelings are valid, especially if it makes you question things in your own relationship. It’s not about controlling who he hangs out with, but about how it impacts you and your values. He should at least understand why this bothers you instead of brushing it off.
xLovelyLace
I agree. It is completely reasonable to feel unsettled by the situation. Discovering that your husband’s friend is with his mistress instead of his wife would definitely raise eyebrows and concerns.
It’s understandable to feel uncomfortable about being around people who openly cheat, especially if it conflicts with your values. Your feelings are valid, and it’s important for your husband to recognize how this affects you rather than dismissing your concerns OP. NTA.
FairyFartDaydreams
NTA Birds of a feather flock together is an expression for a reason. I would be questioning your husbands values if all his friends cheat.
KeyBox6804
OP NTA if my husband’s friends all cheat I would be watching him like a hawk, which is a total breakdown of trust. We are definitely judged by the company we keep.
adelineshoo
NTA, your husband supports people who cheat. What u did is completely ok and justifiable. There's a huge chance hes gonna cheat on u OP as well.
xFeminineFlair
I agree. It is concerning that your husband is supporting someone who cheats, especially when it affects your relationship. Trust is crucial, and his actions raise red flags about his values. You have every right to feel justified in how you reacted. Protecting yourself and your boundaries is important OP. NTA.
Cute-Profession9983
If he only hangs out with bachelors and cheaters, well... You're judged by the company you keep, and your player husband is a walking red flag of infidelity...
abstractengineer2000
"he’s on an arranged religious marriage so it’s different" OP's husband comment is idiotic. No religion supports mistresses. if he says this is allowed, OP might want to take a good look at her husband. The other guy is a cheater. and he who associates and excuses cheater might be one himself.