'AITA for keeping the kids from their dad?' 'I have primary custody.'

"AITA for keeping the kids from their dad?"

My ex and I have 2 kids (4f 6m). I have primary custody and my ex has them on weekends. I had to attend a conference 6 hours away from my house from Wednesday-Monday. I asked my ex if he could keep the kids and he was only willing to do it if I gave half the child support back for the month. I said no and he told me to figure something out with the kids.

My good friend and our former nanny lives almost exactly halfway to the conference. She’s had the kids overnight plenty of times, her kids get along great with my kids, and her husband is great with the kids so it worked out great. They also have a pool with a water slide and a trampoline so my kids had the time of their lives.

Yesterday my ex texted me to ask who has the kids so he could pick them up. I told him they were with my friend and I’d be happy to set up a meeting place and time whenever he was able to pick them up. He asked why I had them so far and I told him he refused to take them and told me to figure it out and I don’t have many friends or any family in the area so I figured it out.

He tried to tell me I need to have my friend meet him halfway because it’s ridiculous for him to drive almost 3 hours to see his kids. I told him to figure it out and he blocked me in retaliation. He has FaceTimed the kids though and told them he will not be seeing them this weekend because I won’t let him pick them up.

I was in the room and told him the reason he isn’t seeing them is because he refuses to drive 3 hours to pick them up for the weekend. Now I’m getting texts from his mother and brother calling me a horrible mom for keeping the kids away from their dad and making him look bad to the kids.

My friend and her husband say I didn’t do anything wrong but I’m wondering if I’m the a for taking them here and calling him out in front of the kids.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

ApprehensiveBook4214 said:

NTA. Block the mom and brother. There's no reason for them to be involved. Going forward I recommend using a court approved parenting app for all communication. Don't subject yourself to his vitriol. It will also prove you gave him first right of refusal if he tries escalating this if this happens again. Keep record of each time he opts to miss a visit in case it becomes a habit. You never know when you'll need documentation of his actions.

BSBitch47 said:

NTA. Idk how some are saying you are TA. He didn’t want to help out and accommodate for your work trip so you had to make other arrangements. It should be his responsibility to pick them up, even if it is 3 hours away since he is the reason the kids are that far away to begin with. Block his mom and brother too. And you are not keeping him from the kids. He just doesn’t wanna make the trip, that’s totally different.

MercuryRising92 said:

NTA - but you can call him out differently in front of the kids. You could have said - oh dear John, there must have been a misunderstanding. Janice can have the kids ready for you to pick up anytime Saturday. When do you want them to be ready? They are looking forward to seeing you!

Federal-Night5305 said:

NTA. When I was in college, my dad drove 4 hours to take me out for lunch and spend the afternoon, then another 4 hours home that night, just because I was homesick. If he wanted to, he would.

Jocelyn-1973 said:

NTA. He tried to put this on you in front of his kids, you corrected it. You made him look bad? No, he tried to make YOU look bad, so you had to correct it.

Feisty_Demand_6934 said:

NTA! Sounds like he needs a reality check on what parents do for each other and for the kids. A half month of child support for an extra few days?! Hahaha! You did the right thing by "figuring it out," well done.