'AITA for kicking my brother's long-term partner and her kids out of 'his' house?'
"AITA for kicking my brother's long-term partner and her kids out of 'his' house?"
I (44M) about 16 years ago purchased my first house. Within about three months of purchasing, I got a job offer a couple of states away that was too good to pass up. So, I planned to move and sell the house at likely a loss.
My older brother had a family with two young kid, but couldn't get approved for a mortgage due to bad credit. He floated the idea that he rent the house from me, at least for a bit, and we agreed.
A few years later, my brother's marriage fell apart. Apparently there was cheating on both sides. They got divorced, wife and kids moved out, he paid child support, and he moved his affair partner in. Affair partner has two young kids (3 & 1 at the time), neither are my brother's kids.
The partner is someone I have tolerated, but never liked. I think the feeling is mutual. But, my brother has continued to rent from me through the years. He was always the only person on the lease with the partner listed as a occupant. The lease is month-to-month.
A couple of months ago, my brother died unexpectantly. I went and spoke to my attorney because I want to sell the house, give some money to my brother's bio kids, and put the rest away for a nest egg. I told my brother's partner that she needed to leave the home, she refused.
So, I am going through the formal eviction process. So she says the house is my brother's house and how dare I kick his partner out of his house. That obviously is not the case. Her and some family members are calling me an AH for kicking her out of my "brother's" house and making her kids leave the only home they have ever known. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
INFO: What is the reason that you need to sell the house?
CorgiIndividual4376 OP responded:
I don't need to sell the house (it is paid off), but I have no interest in keeping it. I have only kept it for my brother. He was a good tenant and I trusted him to not abuse it. I don't really trust his partner.
Q:how old the kids now???i think they are adults now right?
CorgiIndividual4376 OP responded:
They aren't. They are 15 and 13.
INFO: Did she continue making rent payments? If not, you are overcomplicating this.
CorgiIndividual4376 OP responded:
No, she hasn't. She can't even afford the discounted rent I was charging. She hasn't worked in like 10 years.
NTA, but consult an attorney and be sure to evict her the correct way. I see no reason for not selling your house. Don’t let anyone guilt trip you into making decisions that you want to make. You don’t need anyone’s permission to sell your home and move forward with your life.
CorgiIndividual4376 OIP responded:
My lawyer is involved in all of this.
Send an evaluator to the house and ask him to record and take photos of everything. She might trash the place as revenge and you won't get any money back if she is broke as I guess she is. Better safe than sorry, and be clear if she gets ideas over destroying your property this will become a criminal case, not civil.
You had an agreement with your brother, who unfortunately passed away. There was never an agreement between his partner. Unfortunately our legal system is whacked so it may be difficult to get her out.
CorgiIndividual4376 OP responded:
It won't be. The process is pretty straight forward here.
I can usually get an eviction in under 30 days. In California it's a nightmare. Depends largely on where OP is.
CorgiIndividual4376 OP responded:
It is Midwest. My lawyer specializes in real estate, including evictions, and personally knows all the judges that handle evictions in the county. It really is straightforward where the house is.
INFO How old are the kids? Does their mother work? Has she paid the rent since your brother died? I would be inclined to be generous with the move out time -- say three months rather than one month.
CorgiIndividual4376 OP responded:
15 and 13, she has not paid rent, and has not worked in like 10 or so years.
Offer her the chance to match any offer on the house.
CorgiIndividual4376 OP responded:
I could make that offer, but there is no way she could afford it. I made offers similar to my brother over the years and he couldn't afford it. And he was the sole income earner.
Are you actually suggesting he marry someone he doesn’t like who doesn’t like him in order to be a father to some other father’s children?
CorgiIndividual4376 OP responded:
Someone who was with my brother for a dozen years no less. Yeah, even if we were on great terms no way in hell would I do that.
If you were in Denmark, even if you sold the house, you could not evict her just for that. The new owner would just have to take over the lease until the tenant either moved out or failed to pay rent.
You need to find out if that is also the case where you are. If so, you could sell it as a rental property with a tenant already occupying it and paying rent.
CorgiIndividual4376 OP responded:
That isn't the case here at all.
Well, in order to preserve the family, a man must often step in and fill in for another man, in this case a deceased brother. Family is the most important thing for without it, we are doomed. He has a house, she has children. She is single now, and he is single too. What gives?
CorgiIndividual4376 OP responded:
The vast majority of people would get the "ick" if asked about being in a relationship with a sibling's significant other. I am no exception.
People are getting caught up in OP's phrasing and failing to see the situation for what it is. OP wasn't giving away the house out of generosity, they were renting it out for profit.
The woman she calls an "affair partner" stayed together with OP's brother for about 10 years. At some point post divorce, it's no longer an affair, it's a couple, and OP's brother was a step-father to her kids. Move on and treat them as such.
So OP is his brother's landlord, has been for 16 years. The brother's partner, children, and step-children were living in that house for more or less 10 years; it's the only home the kids have known. They lose their stepfather and within 2 months the villainous uncle wants them out of the house.
Yeah it's legal but it's an asshole move. It's wildly disrespectful towards your dead brother. What's the rush? Let them know you'll want to sell the house, but keep renting it to them for a few months. Give them time to grieve, re-organize their lives, and find a new place. It's basic decency. YTA.
CorgiIndividual4376 OP responded:
What kids do you think live in the house? It is the partner's kids. My brother's kids have not lived there in years.
Where are you getting that I said they have to leave by "end of the month?" I said (paraphrased), "I am selling the house, you can stay while it is on the market, but once it is sold, you have to leave the house." She told me, "No, I won't leave." That is when I went back to my lawyer and we started the formal eviction process.
We had this conversation two weeks ago, which was eight weeks after his death. I am going to have to do some work before putting it on the market. My guess is 4 months from now is the soonest we will be able to close on a sale. And I told her she could stay until the day before closing if need be.
The partners' kids that your brother was effectively a stepfather to, for about 10 years? (I'm guessing "a few years", between when your brother started renting the house from you and when he divorced, means 5-8; your post is really poorly written when it comes to those "details").
CorgiIndividual4376 OP responded:
What details? What "details" do you think are missing?
* How long your late brother has been with his partner. I'm gathering 10-ish years. What was his relationship with his partner and kids (seems like they would form a family unit by that point)
* How quickly you expect the house to get sold, and how soon you expect your late brother's family to have to move out. Why not try (at least) to sell the house to another landlord who intends to continue renting it?
* Why not give them some kind of safe timeframe (like until July 2025, so the kids don't end up moving in the middle of the school year)? Or did you actually talk about that with them but for some incomprehensible reason you're leaving this out of your post?
Your post contains a lot more details on an affair that took place many years ago, than about the eviction.
CorgiIndividual4376 OP responded:
His partner and kids almost never interact with our family, but my mother. My brother's ex was the daughter of my dad's frat brother. So, the divorce, cheating, etc. caused a lot of controversy in our family. So, how close they are, I don't know. She has lived in the house a little less than 12 years.
As I said in another comment, probably about 4 months before we close on the house.
Look, homeowner's insurance is about $6500/year and taxes are about $7000/year. The house is older so shit is going wrong all the time. So, while I could float this house for awhile because I live rather cheaply, this house is costing me at least $1000/month, every month I keep it. And she can't afford to pay. If I wanted to pounce, she would already be out of the house.