'AITA for kicking my husband's stepmother out of our wedding?' 'I alerted SECURITY.'

"AITA for kicking my husband's stepmother out of our wedding and telling her she was never his mother?"

My husband and I (both 26) got married a couple of weeks ago. During the wedding my husband's four older sisters (all 10+ years older than him) surprised him with a dance to honor their mom who died when my husband was very young.

He danced with each sister individually before all five of them danced together. It was such a beautiful moment and a standout for all the right reasons for my husband and his sisters. But during their dance their stepmother started kicking up a fuss.

It started with her trying to storm onto the dance floor and insisting on the dance being with her instead. Two of my SILs husbands were trying to stop her. I went over and tried to calm her down but she was furious.

She was talking about assaulting my SILs for stealing the moment from her. I had to ask SILs husbands if they would help me get her out because she was going to ruin it for them otherwise. She didn't like that and told me she's my husband's mother and if a mother-son dance was going to happen it only made sense for her to do it.

She called me a b for helping them plan this and just kept repeating that she was his mother and I had no right to remove her. I told her she was never his mother and her behavior right now just proved that. Then I alerted security at the venue that we didn't want her to come back in. Which they thankfully listened to.

It did cause a small disruption but my husband and SILs didn't notice it at the time. I did let him know. FIL didn't notice either. He was in another area watching his kids dance.

When I told my husband he was appreciative of me for stepping in and his two BILs who helped. His stepmother's fury has not faded though. She has caused such an upheaval and my husband and his dad are fighting about it now too. My husband told them I did nothing wrong and only spoke the truth.

His stepmother said she has raised him since he was 7 and she has done so much for him and that the strain from that going unappreciated almost broke them up once already. This was a year ago. FIL and his wife separated for 6 months before working things out. But it did come close to them filing for divorce.

My husband and SILs were not upset by that thought at all and would have welcomed an end to all contact with their stepmother. I have always known that they tolerate the stepmother for their dad. This includes my husband who was a child when she married his dad.

This does not appear to be blowing over and I hate that this has strained the relationship my husband has with his dad. So I want to ask AITA for my actions and did I go too far? Should I have kicked her out of the wedding and bit my tongue? Should I have kept her away and waited to see if she would calm down?

Here's what people had to say about this one:

Capital_Original_196 said:

NTA – She Wasn’t Honoring His Mom, She Was Competing With a Ghost. This wasn’t about wanting a mother-son moment; it was about her ego. She saw your husband and his sisters honoring their actual mother and couldn’t stand being sidelined.

A good stepparent would have supported them. Instead, she tried to hijack the moment, acted like a child, and got herself kicked out. That’s on her.

QueSiQuiereBolsa said:

NTA. She's a stroppy toddler and you don't have to put up with her.

EfficientSociety73 said:

NTA. She thinks she is his mother. She thinks he should think the same thing. She’s mad because no one else feels the way she does. And to say it’s anyone’s fault but hers/her husbands that their relationship was rocky just proves it.

If she felt unappreciated it’s because put the expectations for her happiness on kids. The only person responsible for making her happy is herself. She needs to accept her role in her stepkids lives for what it is and not try to replace their Mom.

7 is plenty only enough to remember a parent who has died. And sisters being older they will for sure. Stepmom is just jealous that they still love their Mom and she wasn’t able to step in and take over like she wanted and expected.

mocha_lattes_ said:

NTA you were able to keep it relatively quiet and not interrupt his moment with his siblings. That should be commended. Take those two BILs out for a thank you dinner. You guys did good.

Maybe this will be the catalyst his dad needs to finally leave her or lose his kids. It's fine if her feelings were hurt and she was upset. It's not ok to throw a fit and try to ruin the moment. She wouldn't have calmed down. She would have just ruined a special moment for him.

Wild_Billy_61 said:

NTA...for StepMIL to try and interrupt/ruin and make a scene over what your husband's sisters did for their brother, explains a lot as to why StepMIL was not considered for a dance in the first place. She's probably made being "unappreciated" an overbearing thing quite often since entering the family. You were right to do what you did. You protected an amazing moment from coming undone.

We recently attended the wedding of a friend of our daughter's. When in Jr High and most of High School, this girl didn't have a very good relationship with her step dad and step mother. It was strained.

But at the reception she danced with her father first, then surprised her step father. In another surprise she had her bouquet designed so it could split in 2 pieces and presented one to her mother and one to her step mother. Both step parents shed tears with the surprises.

SchwaebischeSeele said:

NTA, you stood up for your husband and his sisters having a very special moment. A moment any person with empathy would have understood, btw. Well done!