'AITA for kicking my boyfriend out of a wedding we were invited to?' 'I SCREAMED.' MINI UPDATE

"AITA for kicking my boyfriend out of a wedding we were invited to?"

Me (24F) and my bf (26M) were invited to a friends wedding. To start off, my boyfriend constantly has injuries on himself. His hands always have scratches, he always has some sort of cut or bruise somewhere on him, I don't think I have ever seen him without any sort of injury or blemish on his body.

The worst has always been his hands, he does carpentry, mechanical things, spends a lot of time in the woods, and is always working on or getting into some crap that puts scratches and cuts all over his hands.

When I told him there was a wedding I mentioned I did not want to be there with him if his hands were a mess. He tried to tell me that it isn't a big deal, that his hands don't look dirty and that cuts are different from dirt. I told him all the things he does that cut his hands are unnecessary and he doesn't need to do any of it.

He tried to tell me that he works on projects because they are his hobbies, and also a way for him to pay his parents back for living with them since they don't charge rent. I told him he has a high paying job, just pay rent like a normal person. He said it isn't about the money, he does things for people to show he appreciates them. And that he would do this for me because he appreciates me.

4 weeks pass, for the first time the skin on his hands are clear. He still has some scratches on his body from climbing trees birdwatching, but at least he wore gloves so his hands would be fine.

Night of the wedding comes, he wants to drive me but we have to take separate cars because of my work. I stand outside to wait for him, and the first thing I notice is that his hands have scratches on them again. I was pissed. I told him to leave. He tried telling me he had to fix his grandma's car because she can't afford a mechanic.

I screamed that he should just pay for a mechanic like a normal person. He left, and called me trying to say he's sorry. I told him I don't want to deal with this anymore: either he gives up all his things that HURT him, or I leave. He told me he won't give up his hobbies or to not try his best to help people.

Which, I don't get why he even sees it that way. He can help by just giving the money or something. He is always doing crap for his family and has done the same for me (built furniture, fixed my car, did some sort of structural repair on my mothers porch, etc etc etc) but it gets old.

I like that he does things, I just don't want to date someone that doesn't care about their appearance, and would rather do literally everything themselves rather than just pay. It isn't fair that he gets to do what he wants but if I ask for something simple it is too much for him. How much is it to ask someone to just take care of themselves and behave like a normal adult?

Here's what people had to say about this one:

FlimsyJeweler666 said:

You really expect me to believe that you’re mad at your boyfriend for being kind and having scratches on his hand? If so, please break up with him. He doesn’t deserve to be treated like crap because you’re having a hissy fit about scratches. YTA.

glassbellwitch said:

YTA and extremely insecure. No one is going to judge your kindhearted hardworking carpenter boyfriend for having scratches on his hands at a wedding. You care more about appearances than the goodness within. Hopefully your BF realizes this sooner rather than later, and can find a partner that actually values him.

Brocclio_is_life said:

YTA. He has hobbies and does things. SO many people don't. That is a blessing, not a curse. But that doesn't mean it has to be your thing! You are trying to change a person who has healthy outlets in life to fit your lifestyle. That is not kind.

B4L0RCLUB said:

You’re a massive a-hole. How could you even type that out, read it back and not realize how much of an a-hole you are? Wild. YTA, so much so that I’m debating whether or not this post is parody.

LexandriaE said:

YTA. Wow. He sounds like an absolute catch, a decent human being, who helps people and cares for them and knows how to actually do things (most people do not know how to handle stuff themselves). Break up with him so he can find someone who will actually love and appreciate him. You really don't deserve him.

Doin_the_math said:

YTA big time. He is behaving like a normal adult. Helping out family, enjoying hobbies, doing stuff. You, on the other hand, sound as shallow as a stream in the desert.

tinymi3 said:

YTA you cannot change people and you shouldn't want to. This man sounds charitable and caring and you're mad at his hands.

chasingkaty said:

100% YTA. As long as he’s not shown up with oil and grease on him it’s not a single problem. Most people would be mega proud of a partner who is so giving and caring towards others.

MINI UPDATE:

I have been thinking things over. I am wrong. I don't want to make excuses, but I was stressed from the wedding, and my bf has had some scary moments when he injured himself (broke his leg on an ATV, broke his tooth falling in the woods, has ripped off fingernails and toenails, treats himself with antibiotics for livestock, etc).

I've been with him for 7 years, I am constantly worried for his safety and health. It came out in the worst of ways. I think classism may also pay a part, my family are white collar and talk down any repairman or blue collar workers.

Seeing someone do it for fun is still alien to me, but I do appreciate what he does and how hard he works. I am lucky, be means the absolute best, just bumbling and wreckless. I am going to call now and apologize for everything.