'AITA for laughing at my ex and his new wife when they suggested changing my son's school?' UPDATED

"AITA for laughing at ex and his new wife when they suggested to change my son's school?"

I have a 10-year-old son Tyler with my ex. I have primary custody and he gets him on weekends. We had co-parented well so far. I am from Asia. Where private schools are only good mode of education. I decided not to marry till my son is gone to college. I am a banker, so I earn well for both of us and the CS I get, I put it in his savings . I also pay for his private school which cost a lot. But I can afford it.

My ex got married to Lyla last year and she brought two kids. One is ten and in same grade as my son. Second is eight. My son already feels his father has taken away there 1:1 by time with the other children. As most activities are group activities.

And he gives zero time to son alone. Step mom also try to parent him and he hates it.

Kids are cordial but don't see each other as siblings. So this weekend, my ex and his wife invited me to dinner. I went, and after dinner, they told kids to go to room to have discussion with me.

They said they can't afford same private school for the other kids. And for equality of kids, they need to pull my son out of school. They told how beneficial it will be the elder step kid and my son to be in same school and class. I was pissed and laughed at them. I told them their financial issues aren't my problem and I am not changing my son's school. They doubled down. But I stood firm and took my son back.

Since then, they are claiming that I want their family to fail and saying my son doesn't talk to other kids much. I told them developing the relationship between kids is ex's job, not mine. I don't badmouth them or the other kids.

But I don't see it as my responsibility to grow their relation on his dad's side. Second, if father is going to put his new kids over his own, it's what is causing Tyler to be distant with other kids. They are calling me TA and his new wife said to me, she isn't going to deny her kids a father for Tyler's sake. I told her that she is no less than evil step monster.

The internet quickly weighed in with their thoughts.

kirinspeaks wrote:

NTA. Do you have a formal custody arrangement? If so, does it lay out the schooling for your son? If it does, then pull it out and tell your ex that you're enforcing the custody arrangement and he's welcome to try and tell a judge that depriving your son for the sake of ex's step-kids is a good idea.

If it doesn't, you need to contact a lawyer and get these details locked into a legal agreement (possibly will need to take ex to court for this, but it'd be worth it). If there's no formal custody arrangement, you need to contact a lawyer and get one in place ASAP.

OP responded:

Yes I have. He can't change my son's school unless I want it. I have most decision power over my son needs and care. As he didn't want all this responsibility on him.

OK_Childhood_9744 wrote:

NTA. If your son is doing well in his current school, there is zero reason to remove him from it, and doing so against his wishes would probably ruin any chance of a relationship between him and his steps. Dad and his new wife will simply have to find other ways to get their kids to bond.

OP responded:

My son already resent the other kids. They fight a lot. I told him to try to gel with other kids. But he says he hate that dad put them in every activity and play activities which he used to do with his father alone.

Objective_Attempt_14 wrote:

You should maybe mention this to his father, that his son wants some 1:1 time. Maybe step mom can have 1:1 time with her kids while he has some with his son. then they can meet for dinner, or dinner and a movie or some other joint activity.

OP responded:

He said he wants to include all kids and our son needs to understand it.

LazySushi wrote:

Has your son talked to his father one on one about this? Have you encouraged him to do so or tried facilitate that (as far as letting you ex know that your son wants to talk to him). My husband isn’t like your ex at all, but we’ve had incidents in the past where the kids tell their mother something they want changed here and no one mentions it to us until it boils over.

We would have been happy to make the changes they eventually asked for, but there was definitely a pattern of “complain to mom, don’t communicate with dad”. Considering their mother is much more volatile than my very calm and even keeled husband, we never understood why they didn’t talk to us about their issues. I hope your son and his father can communicate soon.

OP responded:

He said to son and me about it that our son needs to adjust for his new siblings and it is family time.

OP jumped on with a small update after receiving a good deal of feedback.

UPDATE: I forgot to add. Because kids won't have equal things. My son already have more branded things which I can afford and my parents buy him a lot of things. As I am only child and he is their only grandchild.

He is pampered a lot by my side and they have issue with that too. I won't deny my kids good things because they can't afford for her children. Regarding 1:1. Ex said our son needs to adjust for his new siblings and it is family time ;)

The comments kept coming.

Large-Record7642 wrote:

NTA. Let me get this straight. His dad recently married, brought in two new children into the family. Removed all one on one time. And now trying to get him into a different school. And they are wondering why he is pushing back and isn't happy? Poor kiddo has no choice in any of these things. Your ex isn't the brightest, huh.

Careless-Image-885 wrote:

NTA. Do not send your son to their house with any expensive or brand things. Those items may somehow get ruined or lost.

Read your comment about the custody agreement. Thank heavens you have that in place.

You may want to speak to the school officials and your child's doctors. Make sure they understand that Lyla is not to have any information concerning your son's health records. She cannot pick him up at school.

OP responded:

He already shared his sports equipment and gaming console sometimes. But the way things are going I doubt he will do. His father force him to share things too. So he keeps many things at my home now.

CptKUSSCryAllTheTime wrote:

NTA. How is she reasoning that you not putting your son in their school is wanting their family to fail? Where is the correlation?

OP responded:

Because kids won't have equal things. My son already have more branded things which I can afford and my parents buy him a lot of things. As I am only child and he is their only grandchild. He is pampered a lot by my side and they have issue with that too.