'AITA for taking back a gift after I learned the birthday person would not be the one using it?'
"AITA for taking back a gift after I learned the birthday person would not be the one using it?"
safarijane22
My daughter, Jenny, (13) has a best friend, Morgan (nearly 13). The two of them spend a lot of time together at our place. I do not know Morgan’s mother very well as Jenny doesn’t often go to their house.
This is mainly because Morgan’s house is a little chaotic. She has 4 siblings. Jenny is an only child and Morgan has said she likes the quiet. Morgan has done a lot of stuff with us.
I occasionally enter radio/online competitions and will win tickets to certain local events. When I won 4 tickets to a concert last year, Jenny and I brought Morgan along with one other friend. We all had a blast.
Recently, I won another pair of tickets to a concert that I planned to attend with Jenny. A few days after, I was told about a work trip that I have to take that falls that weekend. Jenny usually comes with me.
So, Jenny suggested we give the tickets to Morgan for her birthday. She could either go with another friend or her mom. I checked with Morgan’s mom before we mentioned this to Morgan and she said that was fine.
Last night, Morgan was at our house and she seemed upset. When I asked why, she said her mom was taking her brother to the concert because “her brother has never been to a concert before”.
I asked if Morgan’s brother even liked the band and Morgan said no, it was just the principle of the matter. Morgan and her other 3 siblings have been to concerts. He hasn’t and since they can’t afford stuff like this, he gets to go.
I found this unfair and honestly a waste of tickets. I called Morgan’s mom to double check this story and she confirmed it all, including her 11 year old son barely knowing anything about the band.
I said I’m sorry, but I don’t feel right giving these as a birthday gift anymore as these were for Morgan. I said we’d give them to Jenny and Morgan’s other friend who I know likes the band, and we’ll get Morgan something else for her birthday. Morgan is fine with this.
Morgan’s mom is outraged and says I’m trying to tell her how to parent. I don’t think I am because if a different friend gave Morgan the tickets and it was the same result, as shitty as I’d find her mom doing this, I wouldn’t say anything as that’s not my business.
As I am giving the tickets, I want them to go to Morgan. I’d also maybe feel different if the brother loved the band too but as he doesn’t, I don’t want to give them. So here I am left wondering if I’m being an bad guy here?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
pottersquash
NTA. Please tell you are just as curious as to what is really going on cause that's insane. Why is her mom dragging a kid to a concert if the kid doesn't even wanna go? If we were friends, I would volunteer my own money to Morgan's mom to take lil bro to a concert he may actually enjoy cause why?
Talk about an utter utter waste. Kids gonna hate it, Morgan is gonna be pissed, your gonna be angry. Does the Mom like the band??? But then why bring uninterested kid??? I do not get it.
Morgan's mom is going through something. I feel bad for her cause CLEARLY something else is afoot. This is the dumbest of all possible plans, why is she fighting for it??? I would love to know whats really going on, seriously.
I would feel better if Morgans mom just took the tickets herself and went on a date. I could understand that. Mother of 5 really wanting to go out? Ok. I understand. Still an AH move but at least I understand.
The OP responded here:
safarijane22
Mom doesn’t even like the band either. It’s a group directed at teens. Not saying adults can’t like it, but she’s said it’s not her thing and she’s only going as the 11 year old and Morgan are too young to go together.
I suspect Mom has a lot of guilt about not being able to afford these things and is trying to make it “fair” without realizing equality =/= equity. Yes, now all 5 kids will have gone to a concert, but the other 4 have seen bands they enjoy. This kid is going to a concert he won’t enjoy, just in the spirit of “first concert”.
pottersquash
Oh, shes so overwhelmed she isn't thinking straight!!! She is forcing a 11 year old uninterested boy to spend the night surrounded by teenage girls at (Im guess) a boy band concert!??!?
Be the "bad" person and take back a gift from a 13 year old. Somehow Karma will figure this one out and right this ship. Get that mom a night out/off too. She is overwhelmed.
angie1907
Being ‘overwhelmed’ doesn’t give this woman the right to be horrible to her child.
Living-Highlight7777
From the title, I was ready to vote you as the ah, but nope. Morgan's mom is the AH for sure. How are you gonna take your kid's birthday gift away from them and give it to one of your other kids??? NTA.
JeepersCreepers74
NTA. You hadn't given the tickets yet, so the only thing you "took back" was an offer. It's reasonable to expect that a gift to someone (even a child) won't be intercepted. What you did was restore order--the tickets go to someone who will enjoy them, and Morgan actually gets a birthday gift.
Thortok2000
NTA. The parent does not own their daughter's property just because they are a parent. If Morgan wanted to re gift the tickets, that's her choice to do so. To have them stolen from her by her parent is reprehensible.