'AITA for leaving home and telling my husband I won't come back unless his family leaves?' UPDATED

"AITA For Leaving My Home & Telling My Husband I Won't Return Unless His Family Leaves?"

So for context, my (26F) husband's (33M) grandmother (78F) had a cancer removal procedure on her face & it left half her face with no skin. She needs wound care, home health once a week. Bandage needs changed every other day though. I told him she could stay temporarily but not long term. We live in a one bedroom house with our 2 kids (almost 2M & 1F) as well as our 3 German Shepherd's.

She initially stayed 3 weeks. His cousin (20F) & I would help with woundcare when home health wasn't here. His grandmother expects me to make her 3 meals a day, whenever she wants. I work nights and nap when the littles nap during the day, she will often wake me up because she wants her bandage changed or food during these times. Last week she started yelling at my son while he was playing.

She also told me that my dogs are "poor dogs because I had them crated". It was for 15 minutes while I cleaned the floor and their paws since it was muddy outside. A week ago, she decided to go home. I told my husband I did not want her coming back. I feel its important I mention there are 4 capable adults living with her that can take care of her. Went out two days later and changed her bandage.

I spoke with my SIL (33F) about her coming to get the woundcare supplies, even offered to meet her somewhere. Well, she never got them. So fast forward to today, the bandage has not been changed in 5 days. His grandmother and niece (10F) showed up to our house unannounced at 6:30AM, waking all of us including the babies up.

I was livid. Not only did my husband not talk to her about staying home, but they just showed up early morning without asking. She lacks boundaries and that's a problem for me. I told my husband I do not want her here as I have too much on my plate. He works 12s (8-8) M-F so childcare is solely on me during that time due to the babies schedules. I also work, cook, clean, train, groom, & take care of three dogs.

We got in a huge argument and he thinks I'm unreasonable and that his Nana is just a poor old woman who needs help. I left the house with the kids & he says I'm being a jerk. So, AITA here?

TLDR, AITA for not wanting to take care of my husbands grandmother when she has 4 people in her home who could? My husband and I share a 1 bedroom house with our 2 under 2 and three German Shepherds. We both work.

*** Edit to add, the shepherds are fine. We have 5 acres & do actually train and excercise them. My husband does housework with me. If it needs done and he's home, he does it. He always takes care of nana's needs when he is home**

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

twinklingblueeyes said:

One bedroom place with two kids and 3 dogs? Wow.

[deleted] said:

NTA but your husband sure is. I will never understand for the life of me why these AITA husbands think helping an extended family member at the expense of his family is okay?!? It’s a one bedroom apartment FFS. He doesn’t see the issue because he’s not home for the majority of the week. That’s effing BS.

He’s not your employer, he does NOT get to order you into jobs you don’t want. Being a full time caretaker is a lot already let alone all the other factors. He should WANT you to be able to give your children your full attention. She has four other adults that can help her. Tell your husband it’s bye nana or bye wife. His choice.

flossybunny300 said:

NTA You shouldn't be dealing with the nana. Also you absolutely should not have 3 big breed dogs cooped up in a one bedroom home with two small children. It's unfair on the animals and the children.

OP responded:

I'd hardly say it's unfair. They have 5 acres of land. We walk every day, plus have tons of playtime on the acreage. I train with the youngest once a week. It's not ideal, but I acquired the third 4 months ago because the owners bred her twice before 2, then decided they were done with her and gave her back.

WelshBogart said:

Holy shit, NTA. 2 little ones + 3 German Shepherds is hard enough. You've done enough for the grandmother and someone else needs to step up right now - take those supplies over asap and make sure that the 4 adults in her house - and her medical team - know you are not available anymore to help.

OP responded:

Yes it is enough! I have taught SIL how to do woundcare and am able to give her more than enough supplies. It's just getting my husband to talk to his grandmother about home is where she belongs.

She later shared this update:

Nana and niece left. She told me she doesn't need to be here aggravating me when home health only comes once a week. I came home before dinner last night, took care of my children and played my game once they went to sleep. I was home with the guests all day, just didn't really talk much to them.

She asked I pack wound care supplies for w-3 changes and I obliged. Today is husband's 33rd birthday and I feel bad all of this is panning out now, but U made it clear he needs to speak with her still and I still am not okay with her coming back. I've already contacted the doctor to get a new home health agency so we can switch visits to her house