Pregnant wife leaves husband after years of putting his friends and family above her and their unborn child.' AITA?
"AITA for leaving my husband after years of putting his friends and family above me, and finding out he might not even want our baby?"
sweetiebeenie
Hi, Evan (not his real name) since I know you might see this. I know you’ll probably say I’m overreacting, but by the time you read this, it’s too late. I’ve already left and made arrangements with a lawyer.
Context: I (31F) married Evan (34M) five years ago. We’ve been together for about eight years. For the first couple of years, I honestly thought I’d hit the jackpot—he was attentive, thoughtful, and supportive, or so I thought. But as time went on, he slowly became more and more absent, putting his friends and family before me in every way possible.
Background: Evan has this group of friends he’s known since high school. They hang out constantly, and he’s made it clear that they come first, even when it interferes with our life together.
We’d have plans, and he’d cancel last minute because they “needed” him for some “urgent” video game session or to “help out.” I didn’t think much of it at first, but it got to the point where I realized I was always taking a back seat.
Then there’s his mom, who’s… difficult, to put it lightly. She’s never liked me, and Evan has never defended me or put up any boundaries. When she told me I wasn’t “good enough” for her son at our engagement party, he laughed it off. At our wedding, she “accidentally” got into a fight with me over a small detail about our ceremony and has constantly undermined me since then.
The Final Straw: I’m currently six months pregnant with our first child. Recently, Evan sat me down to tell me he’s “not sure he’s ready for the responsibility of a baby.”
When I told him it was a little late for second thoughts, he got defensive, saying he wasn’t convinced “this was the right time” and that I was “putting too much pressure” on him.
He mentioned he’d “talked it over” with his friends, and they all agreed he was “just being honest.” That’s when I realized that in his mind, their opinion mattered more than his family more than us.
The last straw came a week ago. I had a small health scare, and he didn’t even show up because he was “busy” with his friends. That night, I realized I couldn’t rely on him, and I didn’t want my child growing up in an environment where their father wasn’t present and prioritized everyone else over them.
So, I packed my bags and left. I’m staying with a friend for now, and I’ve made arrangements to file for divorce. I’m ready to build a life on my own for me and my baby, even if it hurts like hell.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Rad1Red
Good luck to you and your kid, OP. And Evan can get lost.
sweetiebeenie (OP)
Thank you so much! Your support means a lot right now, and trust me I'm ready to give my kid the life she deserve, with or without Evan. And yeah... he can get lost for sure!
Mobile_Sympathy_7619
Like what did he think your response would be? Sorry you’re realizing that this marriage and pregnancy are too much!?!
Radiant_Western_5589
More like “oh yes sorry how silly of me shall I throw this baby out with the bath water? Let me just throw myself down the stairs shall I? I’ll let the baby inside of me know you’re not ready and ask it to stagnate for the foreseeable future until you’re ready to grow and take responsibility for the actions you’ve taken to get to this point.” He’s a loser who can learn that he still has to pay child support even if he isn’t ready.
Shichimi88
NTA. Good luck. Not overreacting. Get him for all his child support.
Superb_Nicole
You deserve a partner, not a man-child who still prioritizes his friends over his family. Good for you for putting yourself and your baby first!
Necessary_Internet75
NTA, at 34 he prioritizes friends and is a Mama’s boy? Ridiculous. Get a really good lawyer and stop all communication with him except through the lawyer. Stay healthy for you and baby. You deserve more and your child deserves more than an overgrown frat boy. Good luck.
catlolafat
If it makes you happy. My cousin was like your husband. If his friends needed anything, he would ditch his significant other in a heartbeat. He had a great girlfriend that we all loved, but his friends told him to dump her since she called them out on their BS.
She dumped him because per her, she wanted an adult, not a child. What happened was all his friends got married and the group broke up because the biggest jerk of the group stood up for their girlfriend.
Now my cousin realized how toxic this friend group was. The ex met someone else and has been married for over 8 years. Til this day, he regrets listening to his old friends. It's been over 12 years.
Alert-Potato
You're putting too much pressure on him? How? By existing while pregnant? He's a moron and an AH. If you are in the US, right now while you are pregnant, he can not control anything including your location. Once baby comes, you could be location locked. So go where you wanna be (where your support system/family is if you have that) before you give birth.
Unique-Challenge-700
NTA The time to be thinking about if he was ready to be a dad should’ve been made well before unprotected intimacy happened. And after 8 years it isn’t just about him anymore. Sounds like he may have some narcissistic behaviors. Good riddance to Evan. Go enjoy your life and be the best mom you can be.
Away-Understanding34
Has he even realized you left? I hope you are going for child support and alimony. Make him pay. Maybe then he will grow up.