'AITA for leaving my best friend’s wedding early after she lied to me about having a bridal party?'

"AITA for leaving my best friend’s wedding early after she lied to me about having a bridal party?"

I’m trying not to include a ton of details. We’ve been best friends since elementary school, have talked about buying land together and having our houses next door to each other, all that jazz. I’m in her will.

I had always imagined her being my maid of honor, and that I would be hers. I made a lot of offers to help with wedding prep or during the wedding, but she kept talking about how her friends were “good at being bridesmaids,” and they were going to help her plan it.

At one point a few months ago I just asked her straight up if she was doing a bridal party because I wasn’t really sure what was going on, and she told me they weren’t planning on doing a traditional bridal party and that they would probably just opt for pictures with some important people.

At the end of the same phone call, she said she had to go figure out the bridal party. She’s been cagey about the whole thing for months and kept changing the subject if I offered to help at all or would just start talking again about how many weddings her friends had been in. I had a feeling this would happen, but I didn’t realize how bad it would be.

I brought the catering for them, and she thanked me and told me to go check out the venue while she got ready. She didn’t introduce me to anyone, and I just sort of stood around while she talked with some other staff friends (she did the wedding at a sentimental place where she works in the summers).

I should have just introduced myself, but the vibes were so weird that I sort of just shut down. I helped out with a couple things and wandered off to look at the area. Eventually, I came back and sat on a bench waiting to see if it would be okay to hang out while she got ready.

I asked a couple staff buddies if they knew where she was and if she would be okay with me joining, and they seemed a little confused and were like uh I mean you can just go peek in and see and if she doesn’t want you there she can just tell you to go away lol. So we did, and she had us sit with her for a while and we talked while she was getting her makeup and hair done.

One of her friends mentioned some guy getting anxious, and she said he had just found out he was going to be a groomsman the day before. I was like oh that’s rough haha, then noticed the dresses hanging on the door and realized I had walked in on the bridal party.

My friend was avoiding eye contact and then someone paged for extra help in a different building and one of her friends suggested me and my partner go help, so we did.

After the wedding, everyone filed out to give their congratulations, and her husband pointedly turned around to talk to the photographer when I got to them. I waited. and he eventually turned back around and I gave him a handshake/hug/whatever, but my friend was talking to someone.

I waited and gave her a hug, and was kind of hoping she would at least ask me to do a picture, but she didn’t, so I walked off to the reception while she did pictures with family and bridesmaids. We hung out with a bunch of camp staff, and eventually sat and talked with her mom for a bit.

The wedding was pretty lowkey because she didn’t want to hire an event planner and because of the venue. They didn’t do any seating assignments, and the staff is mostly pretty young, so none of them really knew how to act.

They took up most of the space in the dining area, and friends and family ended up squeezing in between them or standing off to the sides. They all got food and drinks before the family because the family didn’t really know where everything was.

A couple of them grabbed chairs from the back to fit my partner and I between them at two different tables. One of them asked me how I knew the couple, and I said I was her friend from like 5th grade. She was like omg she invited people from way back, she should’ve invited the whole class! I know it was innocuous, but it hurt like a b.

I had specifically told my friend she should probably at least do seat assignments to avoid drama, but she said there were too many people to have chairs for everyone so she was just going to do a buffet. One of her work friends/bridesmaids gave a speech, they cut cake, and my partner and I walked out.

I wanted to just pull an Irish goodbye, but we started walking to the parking lot and saw the groomsmen and friends all hanging out there and turned around. I milled around for a while trying to decide if I was making a mistake, missed the first dance, walked back to the car again while they were continuing to dance, and realized I lost my keys.

I wandered around all over the place and eventually we realized that the keys were in the reception area, so we had to go over again to leave. I waited around to say goodbye and then headed out early.

AITA for skipping most of the reception? WIBTA if I bring this up with her a few weeks from now when everything has settled down? I want to be happy for her, but this was kind of devastating.

EDITS:

To clarify, I just meant I picked up and delivered the catering for them—if I had paid, I wouldn’t have any questions about where I stood. I had been offering to help the whole time they were planning, and it seemed like the catering was something she finally said f it and let me do.

For more clarification: She wrote the will and told me about it a few months ago while I was still wondering what was happening with the wedding. She’s better off than me, so it wasn’t a play to get me to do the same...

She just mentioned it off-hand while we were catching up and she was telling me about her financial planning and saving up for a house. I mentioned this because it’s something that has me even more confused.

We’ve talked about buying land together since we were kids, but almost seriously did during the beginning of 2020, and have been talking about it again now that she’s looking for a house. I’m giving up on identifying details because at this point if we stay friends I’m bringing it up anyway so I just want input lol.

I have a lot of theories about why I wouldn’t be picked, most of which just kind of suck but one of which really worries me. What’s bothering me isn’t not being ~picked~, it’s just the caginess and complete lack of an explanation.

At this point, the tl;dr is really just: WIBTA for bringing up my own feelings about bridesmaid choices, which I know sucks and is kinda taboo, when not discussing it probably means ending a 16-year friendship?

Also, if the hopefully obvious really sh%tty possible reason is true, I don’t want to end things and leave her without support—I really do care about her. We’ve both been in deep sh$t before.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

RaymondBeaumont said:

She is one of your best friends. You aren't one of hers. Stop wasting time on her.

Trailsya said:

NTA. That whole wedding was messy. I could have bought that she and that staff just didn't know what to do and that's why you got excluded. Like some dude only heard he was groomsman the day before.

However, she was obviously hiding things from you. Not even clear why, but it seemed to have been intentional. I would start looking for better friends. You're completely fine if you never talk to her again.

One thing: definitely don't do anything for this woman again. See her as an acquiantance at best or completely stop contact.

ididsomethinbad said:

Stop being a doormat. You're a friend when there are no other friends around. Don't buy land with her dont talk to her again at all. Be surrounded by people who want you around. It's 100% obvious she didn't want you there. Take that energy and give it back by dropping her completely.

AffectionatePoet4586 said:

NTA. I’m sorry that your longtime acquaintance hurt you, which she obviously did. She lied about the wedding, withheld information, and acted intentionally vague on details, all three of which indicate that you were consciously excluded.

I hope you didn’t spend too much on a wedding gift. Don’t expect an explanation, or anything else, from this meanspirited bride. Don’t do any favors for her, and if she’s in your will, take her out.

FindingFit6035 said:

NTA. Sorry, that doesn't sound like a best friend. Hiding things, avoiding eye contact because she probably felt guilty that she did lie; if someone is a best friend you don't do things like that. It honestly doesn't sound like it's worth bringing up and probably best to go LC, it's like she kind of check out of the friendship.

Abject_Director7626 said:

NTA- given she didn’t keep you in the loop more, and it doesn’t sound like you live far away from each other, so distance is not a factor. Sounds like to her, you are a very dependable acquaintance. I doubt very much you actually are in her will, I wonder if she told you that so you would put her in yours?