Woman leaves partner and father of her kids after 11 years over messages to her sister. AITA?
"AITA for leaving my partner of 11 years and father to our two kids over inappropriate messages I found between him and my sister?"
No-Energy7682
I (F30) found inappropriate messages between my partner (M38) and my younger sister (F22). There were a lot of relations and cheating related memes and actual messages they were writing to each other.
They even made fun of me with my sister sharing “my sister” memes of an ugly animal in the meme and the both of them laughing at the “my sister” memes… My sister says, “I just sent the memes because it was funny but I wasn’t making fun of you”.
When I asked my partner why he was posting memes about cheating when you have a wife and family at home he said that he just thought it was funny, the character in the meme looked funny.
When I confronted them about the messages I found they both said that they sent the messages and memes to each other because it’s their sense of humor and they never meant anything more than what was sent in the messages.
My partner has barely taken accountability for his actions and how it’s affecting me. He actually minimized his inappropriate interactions with my sister by saying things like, “it’s not like I was explicitly telling your sister that we should hook up or that we were in love behind your back or anything like that”.
He has also said “my crime was a misdemeanor but I’m being charged for a felony.” I told him that this is the final straw (he has done plenty of damage throughout the 11years - lots of previous issues with his drink consumption) and that I want to separate.
After telling him I want to separate, I’ve been treated poorly by him because he is upset that I want to end things over something that is not that big of a deal. He said that I should accept his apology and forgive him because he learned his lesson from the nightmare I’ve been putting him through for being so upset over this. He wants us to move on with our lives because it’s not like he actually cheated on me.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Rowanx3
NTA - how a partner speaks about you behind your back speaks volumes. Also indirectness is always used as a just incase, if you accuse them of what they would directly mean its so they can go ‘but i didn’t say that’ indirect speech is always just a shield. I would leave him too.
Kami_Sang
NTA - the final straw is exactly that - a straw. It may not be the heaviest load but when added to everything else, it is extremely damaging. Only you can know what is in your heart. Also, he doesn't sound remorseful at all. He's blaming you instead of being accountable. Your sister is not accountable either.
AlternativePrior9559
OP your backstory catalogues a history of maltreatment with this vile creep. Can you ask a friend to help you at least pack a couple of bags for you and the kids and get out and go and stay with your grandparents? You can sort out the rest of the stuff when you have some peace and clarity.
Try and let the knowledge that this is damaging your kids galvanise you. Sometimes in our lives a choice becomes a necessity. This is yours. Make it known to all what your sister and your ex are capable of.
They are 2 wrong doers together. He is triggering your depression. The fact that you keep going back to this is going to completely shatter your self esteem. Your kids need you. Just do it.
ParsimoniousSalad
NTA. You are allowed to leave your partner. He can get upset about it, but his actions triggered your feelings, so he has himself to blame. He still hasn't taken responsibility for disrespecting you to this extent.
ElectricalTaste4519
NTA. And well done for standing up for yourself! If he truly cared he’d have apologised and taken responsibility for upsetting you. Tell him to fricck off and fork off some more when he gets there. You deserve better.
Aitasuperfan
NTA You deserve to be treated with respect whether you are present for conversation or not. I would dump them both. You deserve better.
PuzzleheadedRoyal559
I think you’re looking for validation from others you’re doing the right thing. You don’t need it. You know YOU are and that’s all that matters. NTA.
oddity-on-holiday
NTA. You have self respect and you’re setting a good example for your kids. Your sister is also incredibly disloyal - I honestly wouldn’t keep her around either.
graphene-05
NTA! Save yourself and set an example to your kids. You deserve better, girl!