'I left my wife after she kept making comments about me not being manly enough and not sure I did the right thing?' AITA + UPDATE
"I left my wife after she kept making comments about me not being manly enough and not sure I did the right thing?"
We’d been together since we were 18. She was my first everything where as she’d been with a few people before me. We have an 18 year old daughter together who is and amazing brilliant and kind person, I couldn’t have asked for a better kid.
The last few years my wife has been making the odd comment about my manliness etc and I’ve just brushed it off but she’s really stepped it up the last year and I ended up leaving her about three months ago over it.
I don’t want this to sound like a humble brag but I do think I’m quite “manly” while also just being a normal person. I’m tall, workout a few times a week, I can do any DIY around the house, I can fix cars, i used to be an amateur boxer and cage fighter and still do it as a hobby to keep fit. The things she said that aren’t manly about me are:
I like to bake.
I like to cook.
I don’t drink, I don’t care if other people do it’s just not for me.
I like Taylor Swift, Charlie XCX, Arianna Grande, Sabrina Carpenter etc. my main choice in music will always be rap but having a teenager daughter these sort of artists get played and I like some of their songs so I listen to them. I don’t see that as a bad thing.
I have a powerful car and a motorbike but my preferred method of transport is a VW Up. It’s a small car with a little engine but if it’s just me and my gym bag or work bag I don’t see the problem plus I’m not one of them who feels like a car someone drives means anything. My ex wife disagreed and said I give off a certain vibe in it.
I tend to walk away from arguments with strangers. She perceives any slight as personal insult. If you cut in front of her in traffic she’s leaning on the horn, don’t say thank you if you hold a door open, she’s screaming and shouting at you. I just prefer to let things slide.
An example is someone was being obnoxious to me on a night out for no reason. He was in my face calling me all sorts of names and even pushed me a couple of times. I just smiled at him and walked away saying I hope he gets home safely.
When we got home she said I embarrassed her in front of her friends by letting him talk to me like that. I said what’s the point of me knocking out a drunk kid who’s half my size. She said I’m a doormat for the world.
There’s a few other things mainly connected to stuff me and my daughter have in common around stupid social media videos. She said it’s like living with two teenage girls.
In September I left her. I said I can’t be spoken to like this anymore and be belittled. It’s not fair. Even then she had a dig and said a real man would change. She’s changed her tune since and said she’s willing to go to therapy both individual and couples and try and sort out her issues.
I don’t know if the cuts from things she’s said are too deep though? Since I’ve left I’ve felt more relaxed and happier. I don’t have to worry when I put a song on or want to bake a cake or cook something a bit different what would be said etc.
At the same time though, it’s scary as she’s all I’ve known and being alone and meeting new people scare the life out of me as I’ve never done that before. Everything is telling me I’m on the right path now but I have a niggling doubt in my head that all those words she spoke about me are true and I am an annoying person that will be alone forever.
Four days later, the OP returned with an update.
Hi all. I received a lot of love on my first post and had a few people ask for an update so here we are over three months later. First and foremost I didn’t get back with her and the divorce is now in motion.
Our daughter is very understanding says I seem lot happier and more relaxed. My ex wife kept asking me back until about a month ago she announced she’s seeing a 23 year old and when I felt relief rather than hurt or jealousy I fully realised I am over her.
Not really much else to report. I’m still baking and cooking and boxing and cage fighting lol. I’ve got tickets to go see Sabrina carpenter with my daughter and we also got tickets to go see Kendrick Lamar so I still like my rap and my teen girl pop lol.
I also want to say a big thank you to everyone who commented and messaged me after my last post. You were all so sweet and it was both humbling and gave me a massive big head lol. Thank you all ❤️
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s posts:
Do you know how many women would love to have a man who can fix things around the house, who work on their cars, keeps himself in shape AND loves to cook and bake??
All of that and she’s mad because you aren’t out there trying to fight every person who looks at you wrong?? She’s insane lol. She definitely needs therapy to help her get rid of her toxic idea of masculinity, and you deserve somebody who appreciates the man you are.
You, sir are a unicorn. Forever sought after, but rarely seen. You are the treasure at the end of the rainbow with all of your interests, talents, abilities, caring, and intelligence. If (and hopefully, when) you severe ties with her, take time to figure out what you want and deserve from a partner and a relationship. Take your time to find the real deal as you deserve someone equally well rounded.
"My husband isn't manly enough because he drives a little car to his cage fighting matches, and listens to hyperpop while he fixes that little car with his bare hands, bloodied from the aforementioned cage fighting. Also I hate it when he makes me cakes." Brother I think your ex wife might be insane.
Love how the wife dating a 23 year old gets a reaction of yes I made the right decision.
I predict the wife's life is about to implode.