'AITA for finally letting my children go as a Mother’s Day gift to myself?'
"AITA for finally letting my children go as a Mother’s Day gift to myself?"
No-Construction4228
My ex husband and his wife have been relentlessly pursuing me with smear campaigns for over a decade. They targeted my relationship that I had moved on with, and eventually were successful. They broke up my “second” family. They targeted my mother, and my mother went along with them because she’s always been that way anyway.
They also have relentlessly pursued what I would call ownership of our children. And after about 14 years I am just totally done. Literally there was a period of time where I couldn’t even post on social media without being doxxed, swatted, bullied- you name it. In all honesty they’ll probably be reading this post as well.
This weekend specifically, my adult kids were so awful to me, claiming to come visit for Mother’s Day yet… They showed up and said they’d be leaving in a few to go to dinner with their father and step mom, and maybe might come back after?
I had freed up a massive amount of time to be able to spend the evening with them, and their little brother did as well. They all expected me to dote on the 15 minutes they were allotting me, put on whatever they wanted on the tv, and basically didn’t even acknowledge me in my own house.
I was very upset and started crying. Immediately they began saying that’s why they don’t want to be around me. I yelled “I don’t want children that don’t ever want to be around me!”.
So the adult children left… And took my actual child with them? I called my daughter and demanded she bring my child back to me. Did she apologize? No. She goes “are you going to press charges?” I said no, and I loved her but it’s a felony to take someone’s child? They said they’d go to breakfast with me the following morning- and guess what. They didn’t.
Trying to get together for the breakfast was just as much of a disaster and my son was just as rude as the previous visit. On the phone, expecting to be taken out to breakfast. I grabbed the phone- and he got out of the car. I let him leave.
I texted the two of them that basically I’d be removing them as my POA and as beneficiaries of anything having to do with me, and finally was going to change my last name back and let them just be free of me.
My youngest and I went in and had breakfast peacefully. I love them, but I can’t be hurt like this anymore just for literally existing as someone previously married to their father.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
ERVetSurgeon
NTA. Just go NC with them and concentrate on your younger child. Start dating and don't tell any of them. You deserve a life.
nedrawevot
For real. This whole thing is awful. The two brainwashed your older children so just enjoy YOUR life with your kid. Make your own family and stay strong. Don't waste energy on people who dont deserve to be in your life. I agree with the comment and just go completely no contact.
MotherOfDoggos4
LOL what a load of BS. I've met some characters in my day, and learned to read between the lines. First, there's a lot of missing missing reasons. Odd to leave out the details if they support your case, especially when the outcomes don't make sense the way they're stated.
Her ex just "somehow" managed to break up her second relationship through no fault of her own? Her own mother sides with him? The kids side with him too? And again, no reasons given because boo hoo victim.
Adult kids hate being around her so much that they can barely give her time on mothers day, and again no explanation about why that might be. And as any adult child can attest, after leaving home you figure out the real dynamics out pretty quick.
AND they immediately get upset with her when she starts crying? That tells us she probably cries a lot, most likely as a weapon to try and guilt them. And how strange that her youngest voluntarily left with their siblings on mothers day...almost like they didn't want to be around her either!
Even more strange that she's being "bullied" online....one could almost see her posting those sad attempts to guilt her children, and can't take the pushback when her kids tell her to stop. Or perhaps it's boundary stomping, that's popular too on FB especially if an unmentioned grand baby is involved. Poor poor victim!
OP you made a good attempt to manipulate the narrative, but YTA. And you're an AH to yourself for coming to reddit instead of listening to your kids. If you want a relationship with them, you'll have to put your big girl panties on and accept that you're playing a big part in what's going wrong.
Until you acknowledge their issues with you, sincerely apologize, and work to change, you're going to be back here year after year sobbing about the bad relationships that you just have "no control" over. 🙄
Real-Buy-3976
No judgment, there's just too much information missing. What caused the divorce, was ex-husbands current wife around before the divorce? Or one of your cheating? Your kids are a bit old to be manipulated this easily I just feel there's something else you're not telling us.
Stay_sharp101
We do not know the circumstance of your divorce or why your children turned on you, including your own mother. But you have raged a battle for 14 years and are now doing what you should have done years ago, let them all go.
There is obviously a whole lot of anger toward you that is either deserved or not. It is rare for a mother to not stand with her daughter even when her daughter may have caused the break up. And you have not given any context other than every one has been mean to you for 14 years and you are innocent of everything.