'AITA for letting my grandparents throw my dead dad in my mom's face?'
"AITA for letting my grandparents throw my dead dad in my mom's face?"
My dad died 6 years ago. I (17m) was 11. My mom started dating a year later and she met husband #2 within a few months. He was a single dad with a 4 year old son at the time and because he wanted his son to have a mom they moved fast and got married within a year and my mom was pregnant a few months later.
My mom has two bio kids with her husband now and she calls her stepson her son and he calls her mom. I don't know why but a few weeks ago my mom made this big deal out of giving each of the other kids something that had been my dad's.
It was nothing huge but I didn't like it and told mom she shouldn't give dad's stuff away like that and it should be just for his family. Mom told me they were his family in spirit and I said that was BS.
She told me me and my sister (19f) will get most of it and why would I hate my younger siblings getting something. I said they're not dad's kids and why would anyone think it was normal. She told me I was overreacting and she said they're stuff anyone could own.
I said it wasn't the point. Those were dad's things. I said dad didn't know them and did she ever think it would feel gross to give the kids who only exist or exist in our lives because he's gone some of his stuff.
She told me to never speak like that and I told her it's true. Two of them wouldn't be born and one would be a stranger still if dad hadn't died. My mom punished me for saying that.
My sister was so mad when she found out that she came home from college just to pack up her share of dad's stuff and she told mom not to speak to her. Mom told her she was being unreasonable and to try and understand what she was doing. My sister told her she was so weird and it showed what she thought of us when she did it without finding out if we'd be okay with it.
We both told our dad's parents about it. They were shocked and they assumed we'd picked mom up wrong. So they came and asked mom if it was true and she said yes. She said it was only small stuff but they're all her kids and dad is still one of her husbands and her husband was cool with it because they weren't sentimental things.
Grandma grew more upset because one of the things mom gave away was a stuffy grandma's mom bought dad before she died. Dad was only just born at the time. So it meant a lot to grandma.
She told mom she had always wanted it left in the family and that mom had always said me and my sister would get our choice of stuff and then them before anything else was disposed of or given away.
She said she had refused to let us do it until now and yet she'd suddenly give them away anyway. My mom said that they stayed in the family and my grandparents exploded.
They told her that my dad would be disgusted with what she did and they hoped she liked disrespecting her first husband and the kids she had with him because that's exactly what she did. Then they called mom a liar and said it was awfully convenient that she pulled a stunt like this.
My mom got upset and she told them to leave. She told them throwing dad in her face like that was uncalled for. When they were gone she turned to me and asked me how I could let them do that to her.
I told her they weren't wrong in my opinion and if I could ignore her like my sister is right now I would. My mom demanded an apology a few days ago for letting it happen. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:
NTA, while yes they can be considered your family if you want to see them as that but they are not your father's family. She has no right to give anything away without letting you or your sister know.
WastePsychology8323 (OP)
She didn't even let us pick out the stuff we wanted. She kept saying it wasn't time, we both had to be 18. She said the same to dad's parents and siblings.
NTA. Your dads things should only go to his family. Not her new one.
WastePsychology8323 (OP)
Mom disagrees and she's not changing her mind which sucks. I hate that she did this.
NTA. Can you sneak the stuff she gave the kids away to your sister or grandparents?
WastePsychology8323 (OP)
I wouldn't be able to. There's normally someone else home and I'd get caught in their bedrooms before I could get the stuff out.
NTA - They are her family, they are your family. They are not your father's family. The items should have went to you and your sister to chose what you wanted, and then to the grandparent's and any siblings he had, if anything was left over she could do what she pleased with them.
And additionally, she's an even bigger AH for deeming what she thinks is sentimental and isn't. Just because it's not sentimental to her doesn't mean it isn't to you guys, his parents, or his siblings.
NTA Ask grandparents to come over and help you get the rest of dad's things out of the house when mom is gone, including the stuffy. You may have to stay but your dad's belongings don't since they should be yours you should do what you want with them.
If she gives anything else away say, "Still giving away things that don't belong to you?" Don't let her off the hook. Of course her husband is okay with her giving her kids your dad's, now your, belongings because then he doesn't have to pay for them.
Soooo…I would demand them to give me something that belong to their mother since they got my dad’s stuff at a family dinner. NTA.
NTA. Your mom is crazy not to understand that none of those people are related to your dad. Telling his parents was the right thing to do. His belongings should have been offered to you and your sister and then his parents before being given away.
It makes no sense to say they were "throwing (dad) in her face". The conversation was about him and his possessions. This is a weird stunt for her to pull. I don't know why you would need to apologize for the actions of other adults. I certainly don't think you need to apologize for telling your grandparents the truth.