'AITA for lying to my wife and saying that I'd forgive her if she ever cheated?'
"AITA for lying to my wife and saying that I'd forgive her if she ever cheated?"
When my wife and I first started dating, we had a talk about cheating. I straight up lied, and said: "If this ever happens, I need to know straight away, if you tell me, and it only happens once, I think I could forgive you"
Fast forward 5 years later and we are married. A couple nights ago, she came up to me and asked if I remember our talk, I said which one (we had a lot of talks like that). The then reminded me of the cheating talk, and confessed she slept with a co worker at a recent company party.
I was mortified. I packed my stuff and left, she begged me to stay. I couldn't, I needed to cool down.
We talked yesterday, and she again reminded of our talk early on, I laughed, and said that I never intended to forgive her, and I only said that at the time to make sure she confessed if it ever happened.
I'm still planning on divorcing her, nothing can change my mind about that, but my wife said what I did was manipulation. Was I the a%$#ole for lying about forgiving her?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
YTA for Starting the relationship with a lie.
NTA. Even if you weren’t lying at the time, a hypothetical situation with someone new is completely different than when faced with reality from your wife of 5 years. She’s delusional if she thought she could get away with it but well played on ensuring she was comfortable enough to confess.
throwaway3748291 OP responded:
I'll be honest, If the chance somehow happened, and I had a chance to lie about this again, I think I would. Like if this was a month ago, I'd have still lied and said that I think I could forgive her.
info: why would you lie about that? just seems like a stupid thing to say
throwaway3748291 OP responded:
Back then, my thought process was: If I she thinks I might forgive her, she's more likely to confess. I figured if she wasn't a cheater, this would never matter, and if she was a cheater, I'd know sooner rather and later and I wouldn't waste my time.
NTA, she’s a cheater and she’s worried about a lie? I’d leave too.
After 5 years and marriage, I don't think some stupid conversation you had when you were first dating, still applies. She is just trying to get out of being the a&*%ole.
NTA- sounds like she slept with the coworker just because you guys had that talk and she didn’t think you would actually leave.