Maid of honor debates telling the bride that her wedding sounds like a 'nightmare.' AITA?
"WIBTA if I told my best friend her wedding sounds like a nightmare?"
So my (27/f) best friend "Claire" (27/f) is getting married in February. I'm the maid of honor, which is making me feel like I'd be a super ahole for saying anything. They're having a small wedding, about 50 people and they're having it at a family members property near a lake. Which is all great, no problems with that.
The nightmare part is the fact that this 50 person wedding is an ALL DAY event. They're having a rehearsal brunch at 10 am instead of a rehearsal dinner. And then their ceremony is at 12:30pm. And then they have "group activities" scheduled from 2pm-7pm (they've listed cornhole as an example) finally, at 7pm, we eat dinner and the reception is supposed to last till 10:30pm.
And finally, it's a completely dry wedding. And I had zero objection to the dry wedding until they sent me this agenda. I don't think I need alcohol to have fun. But to spend 12 hours in a nice dress and heels, running around with 50 people I either don't know or barely know...
(It's mainly family, I'm the only friend from our high school group invited, so I really only know her parents, I've met her fiancee twice), I think I'm going to need at least 2 glasses of wine.
I feel like an ahole, because it is her day and I love her, but I really think this sounds like a disaster. If I'm just sounding snooty and stuck up, please tell me. I don't want to be a jerk to my best friend. They told me this is just an idea for right now and hadn't been finalized, but they also didn't really ask what I thought, either.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this:
carmabound said:
NTA - It sounds like a disaster. Unless this is a lodge where everyone has a room and can change clothes, shower, and rest between events - this is a ridiculous plan.
glen230277 said:
NTA. It's your obligation to give your perspective on the day. MOH is more than just a fancy title, you are responsible for making the day a good one. Instead of saying 'It sounds like a nightmare' offer constructive suggestions that would make the day better.
Give some concrete examples of attendees who might find it tough (granny is old, she will need some breaks and space; what will the people who don't want to cornhole do while it's going (sorry, IDK what this is, but you get the idea); the kids might get restless being around here for so long, how do we...).
As you bring up potential challenges, be prepared for a negative reaction. Remember, you're making these suggestions so that her day is remembered as awesome, not as a burden. Patience and compassion will be required. Stash a hip flask or a joint somewhere...
Pesec1 said:
NTA. Given that the wedding is in February, now is exactly the right time to bring up concerns about schedule being over-ambitious.
Mr_Morrigan said:
NTA. But if thats what she wants I suggest not being the MOH. Thats not 12 hours for you. With all the prep and cleanup afterwards you are looking at 16 hours in a dress and heels in February. Depending on where this is its going to be freezing. I'd talk to them but use better words than "nightmare."
katg913 said:
If I was invited and found out about the schedule, I would either not attend or let them know I'd only be going to the ceremony. I think most invitees would respond similarly. Are they thinking of giving RSVP options or expecting everyone to be there for the full 12 hours? As the MOH and friend, I would hope the bride would be open to your feedback. NTA.
shadow-foxe said:
NTA- I'd point out to friend how tiring this is going to be for HER. Plus how is she getting ready if their is a brunch and then an early ceremony? When is someone having lunch?
She is better off having a rehearsal dinner or lunch the day before this. It should not all be on the same day because if anything does need to be changed, then she wont have time to get that done. (Since the point of the rehearsal is to see if everything is set up and ready!)
Open-Incident-3601 said:
NTA. Grab a notebook and block out from 8 am to midnight that day. Fill in getting ready, travel times, brunch, wedding, reception, clean up, anything you can add. Then highlight the gaps between meals and ask about what she needs you to do to make sure folks and kids especially have enough to eat that day and set up and clean up.
Show her on paper how obnoxious it will be on her schedule but frame as you wanting to go over what she is going to need from you to meet her goals and make sure her guests needs are met.