"AITA for refusing to make dinner for my lawyer boyfriend?"

So I (25) have a boyfriend (24) and the two of us live together in a very nice flat. I make dinner for my boyfriend everyday. He is a lawyer and I'm doing a PhD so I guess I have more free time than he does hence the dinner making arrangement. (Also I do like cooking so it isn't that much of a chore)

So earlier this year he got a new job and at first I was thinking "good on you". The increased income was what allowed us to move into our current flat and he seemed really happy with the work he was doing. Tuns out he was mostly working with clients who were landlords to help them with "troublesome" tenants.

At first I would joke about him working for the bad guys but more and more often recently when he came home the stories he'd tell about what he was doing really did start to make him come across as the bad guy.

So at some point I thought I better confront him about this - ask him if he really does think what he is doing is right and why he wants to keep doing it. The first time I try to talk him about it he tells me that everything he does is legal and he is protecting people's rights and all that and I just drop it for a time.

Then last week (we were at the time both working from home for hopefully obvious reasons) while I was making dinner he comes into the kitchen to have a chat with me - which is nice of him because I generally like his company.

So I'm talking about the work that I've been doing that day (running simulations and making pretty graphs) and he talks about what he's been doing (helping landlords abuse their tenants) and I kind of snap ( hey, global events make us all a bit stressed right now) and tell him what he is doing is immoral and wrong and that he should find a different job.

This pisses him off and he starts calling me silly a lot of times silly girl, silly socialist, silly whatever else. This really pisses me off and at one point I say "If you call me silly one more time you can forget about dinner" and this big grin creeps over his face and he says "Don't be silly."

So I stop making dinner and leave it all to him (he isn't amazing at cooking) and over the not particularly great meal he tells me that I have to make dinner because he has a real job and I'm just a silly student and he pays for a larger portion of the rent. I'm still refusing to make the dinner (though I'm still doing breakfast because he is hopeless at eggs).

We haven't talked about work since and I think he resents the fact that I think his job is scummy and clearly he thinks I am in the wrong here. But am I really? I don't know about all of you but for me being called silly during an argument is one of the most insultingly condescending things you can say especially to your girlfriend and even if I didn't think he job is immoral I would still be really angry at him for that.

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

centuryblessings said:

ESH. Your BF is a condescending jerk who is working for "the bad guys." You suck for continuing to make him eggs and living comfortably off of the money he makes from being a bad guy. It's hypocritical of you to blow up on him for his job while you're enjoying the benefits of his job.

[deleted] said:

ESH. He sucks for dismissing and belittling you. Definitely a dick move. You suck for snapping at him for his job and telling him he should get a different job over and over again, even knowing he doesn't want to. From your story, you make little mention at what he does that makes him a bad guy, so you constantly bringing this up is a dick move.

Also hard to stand on that high horse when he is directly responsible for that "nice flat" you both live in. All in all, he is a dick for belittling you, but you need to get off his back about getting a new job, especially if you are reaping the benefits of it.

Purplehopflower said:

This is much larger than dinner. You both need to have a serious discussion about your relationship and if you have the same values anymore. You don’t respect him for the job he’s doing. He doesn’t respect you for being a student. No relationship can survive lack of respect.

pepperbeast said:

ESH. Why are you with this guy, exactly? Because it sounds like you are, at best, ethically incompatible.

She later shared this update/edit:

It seems pretty clear from your responses that I was in the wrong here so I'm going to have to try to make things right again.

To answer some questions some of you have we live in the UK and have been together for three years at this point. We were living together for long before he had this job or before he had any job. He does currently contribute more to the rent because it was his idea to upgrade to a new flat but I still contribute and I'm not just leeching off him.

We've been together for a long time and I really like him and I'm not just sticking with him for the money. Yes I think what he is doing is immoral and as I tried to explain I've tried to bring this up in light ways before we got to this point. I don't want things to go downhill because I really do love him.

To clear things up further: He is a solicitor who completed his LPC last year. This is the UK so I guess we have young lawyers sorry for any confusion this caused.

People keep saying that he is defending criminals, unless you believe that landlords are criminals he is not defending anyone. He consults with landlords on how to evict their tenants. The reason I snapped was when he was talking about his interactions with a landlord during the lockdown. Stop saying I don't understand how the law works or that even criminals deserve a defence, that's not a relevant.

I wouldn't have posted on AITA if I didn't think I might be TA. I'm probably going to try and talk to him about this after breakfast.