Woman exposes ex-husband's lies and double life in front of entire family. AITA? + Update
"Aita for making my ex husband look bad in front of his family"
Life_Development9082
I (49 F) had an ex husband named Jake (53). We have three kids (Kyle 18 F, Karter 21 M and Knox 25 M). When I was pregnant with Kyle he was cheating on me with his assistant Abigail.
She was an 18 year old freshman in college at the time. She got pregnant with Lizzie a year later. When I wouldn’t take him back, we got a divorce and he married her. He then had two more kids with her.
He paid child support but that was it and he only sees them once a month. However if one of the kids asked him for something he’ll agree to get it, but wouldn’t answer the kids phone calls until he figured I had gotten what they needed.
He wouldn’t show up to any of the kids' sports games or plays. But if his aunts and mom would go, then he would be them. His aunts and mom are big time lawyers and he needs their approval.
His family is somewhat shallow. If someone isn’t in a prestigious position, then they’ll look down upon them. And any form of gossip is seen as negative and they’ll yell at you for making the family look bad.
So, in front of them, Jake would brag about everything he does for the kids when in reality he does nothing. Howeve,r my kids see their family vacations and at first it hurt them, but they began to ignore it. He told them it was because I take them on two vacations every year and Lizzie only gets one.
He just tells his family it was because the kids didn’t want to go. However, during the Christmas party, Lizzie was talking to her great aunts about the upcoming trip to the Dominican Republic.
Kyle then asked what they were talking about. She explained how the family was taking a trip and that their dad said they had other plans. Kyle explained how she had no plans and neither did her brothers so they’ll love to come.
Here’s where the problem starts. My kids being that far away with their dad never sat right with me so I went with them on vacation. His wife wasn’t happy but me and his family are still close so it wasn’t weird.
So, my daughter and Karter go to a very prestigious college and my oldest is in medical school. So, his mom asked what’s happening with all the kids, my daughter then explains how she was chosen for an internship for a tech company and everyone congratulated her. His mom then asked about Lizzie.
My daughter told me that Lizzie has been bragging about a secret and everyone thinks that she got into her dream college so his mom was smiling ear to ear waiting to congratulate her. But Lizzie explains that she’s pregnant.
Everyone’s face fell to the floor including Jakes. Everyone began to question Jake and Abigail’s parenting. Jake then said that it was all on Lizzie because he parenting was a result of my children’s success.
I was tired of the lies and explained how he was never there unless his family was there in order to look good in front of them. They then asked if that was true and he tried to lie, saying of course not. Then Kyle chimed in saying that he hadn’t even invited them to this vacation, and that he lies about everything and he’s a bad dad.
Kyle stormed off and me and my sons ran after her. Later I got a text from Jake thanking me for ruining his family. I didn’t text him back. I do feel bad because it probably wasn’t the time or place.
Here were the top rated comments from readers after the OP's initial post:
Careless_League_9494
NTA. If he wasn't such a shitty person there would be nothing bad to say about him. It's always wild to me when people blame other people for the consequences of their actions, and refusing to lie for them.
Still_Actuator_8316
NTA. He dug his own pit and stepped in it.
TarzanKitty
I wonder is Lizzie is pregnant by her married boss? She is about the same age as her mother was if she is in college acceptance season.
bdayqueen
NTA - Sounds like Jake FAFO'd. I would have been laughing my ass off at him. But then I'm petty. :)
Bitter_Animator2514
NTA well done your children.
He FAFO and he did this to himself.
Careless_Welder_4048
I'm going to be honest, you have been too nice to that man for far too long. I would have gone to his family over him all the time to get what they needed. NTA.
Two days later, the OP returned with an update.
"Aita for making my ex husband look bad in front of his family (update)"
Life_Development9082
First thing I want to answer is why did I feel the need to go with my kids. I’m best friends with his sister and have been going on trips with them since I was in high school. And I’m always a mom so I’ll never deliberately put my kids in a situation where I can’t get to them.
So after the situation escalated, I got a call from his wife saying that she couldn’t find my husband and that he better not be in my room. I told her he wasn’t and she hung up. I then heard a knock on my door. I opened it up and Abigail barged into my room screaming that he was in there.
I let her look because I was confused as to what was happening. When she couldn’t find him she just sat on my floor silently crying. The situation was very awkward so I didn’t know what to do and kicking her out didn’t seem right so I just asked what was wrong.
She explained that over the past 17 years Jake has been verbally abusive and claiming that she and Lizzie ruined his happiness. When she was 18, Jake promised that he would leave me for her but every time she asked, he would lash out at her.
So, she got pregnant on purpose to trap him. But Jake tried to pay her off to get rid of it. But when I found out and filled for divorce, he thought it was best to just go be with her.
But everyday he would berate her and call her useless. And apparently he was cheating on her constantly. She stayed because she dropped out of college and hadn’t worked since she was at his office 18 years ago.
She apologized for barging in and just left. I texted Jake that he might want to check on his wife because she seems unpredictable right now. I didn’t get a text back so I assumed everything was ok. So I just went to bed for the night. But the next morning I woke up with a really long text from Jake so I’ll just summarize what it says.
He told me how sorry he was for stepping out on our marriage and that was the biggest mistake he ever made. He wished he was more involved with me and the kids and he hated seeing Lizzie and Abigail everyday.
He explained that’s why he took on more hours, so he could be away from them and that subsequently affected our kids. He said Abigail explained how she told me everything and that he was finally happy the truth was out so he could get away from them. He hoped that after all this time I could forgive him and we could repair our relationship.
I explained to him that we have no need for a relationship. I’m remarried, and the kids are grown, so he should focus on fixing their relationship. He didn’t text back. I explained to my kids that I’m going to leave early but they should enjoy the rest of their trip, Kyle didn’t want to stay but the boys were fine staying.
So me and Kyle are back home. I texted the boys and asked them how the trip was going and he explained that everything was a mess and Jake and Abigail weren’t talking to each other.
Here were the top rated comments from readers after the OP's update:
boredathome1962
NTA. You didn't make him look bad, he did that all by himself. He's an ex for a reason, remember that, and keep it EX.
stacity
"he hated seeing Lizzie and Abigail everyday?"
What about his other two children with Abigail? Do they also not exist in his world?
Glittering_Win_9677
Kind of like forgetting she is remarried until the very end, too. This may have happened but little details don't add up. For instance, how did all 3 of her kids get a week off from their prestigious college(s)?
Doesn't spring break usually happen in March? She's still close to his family but none of them knew he ignored his kids for 18 years unless they were around? I don't know about this one.
knittedjedi
'When she was 18 Jake promised that he would leave me for her but every time she asked when he would lash out at her. So she got pregnant on purpose to trap him. But Jake tried to pay her off to get rid of it."
Love the part when one of the villains starts to monologue.
peter095837
This ex just might be one of the most delusional and worthless piece of garbage I have read in a while. Cause YIKES, this man is one big pile of trash.