'AITA for making my sister move out of our late mom's house so we can sell it and split the money?' UPDATED

"AITA for telling my sister to give me my half of our inheritance?"

^{^} That makes it sounds super simple, like I'm obviously right. It's not, it's a lot more confusing than that. I'm going to try be as concise as possible here and focus on the issue at hand.

My mother died at the start of the year, she left behind a few thousand dollars (which paid for the funeral) and a house. Our parents are divorced and didn't speak to each other so the inheritance is ours. My sister and I always had an agreement that if either of our parents died we would split everything right down the middle.

I'm living abroad and my sister moved into my mother's house. Prior to that she was living in our dad's house (while he rented an apartment) because she's not financially stable/independent. She's a single mother (terrible ex fiance who barely pays her child support) and is really struggling.

So recently the issue of splitting the inheritance came up. I personally would prefer to sell the house, split the money and move on. ( I don't really have many good memories from that place and have no desire whatsoever to live there). My sister on the other hand would rather keep the house. She misses our mother dearly and is very attached to it.

To this I said "that's fine, but we're going to have to come to some sort of agreement", as in; she will pay a mortgage to me for my half. To which she replied "I can't afford that so can I just pay you here and there?" Which I refused, my sister isn't reliable or responsible financially so it would just turn in to her living there and not paying me anything (essentially taking the entire inheritance).

She's 36 and I'm 27, she's been receiving social welfare payments from the government for her entire life. I feel for her because she has a daughter but I can't help but think her financial instability is her own doing. She barely works and never plans for the future.

To me it's like this; you can keep the house if you can afford to pay me half, if not, we should sell it. We'll both be able to put a deposit down on a place of our own, neither one of us will be stuck. That's the fairest way. When I told her this she called me "heartless", because she's a single mother and she's having a really hard time.

It feels like she wants to have her cake and eat it too, I can't help but feel cruel though, for potentially taking away the possibility of her living in our mother's house. AITA?

EDIT: My mother didn't leave a will but she always told us to split everything as evenly as possible.

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

Degofreak said:

NTA. This is fairly common. She has to sell if she can't come up with a home equity loan to cover your half of the house value. She would probably be better off financially if she did sell.

UnsightlyFuzz said:

NTA. I gather from re-reading your post that there was no will so no executor. I recommend you come back home long enough to hire a local attorney who can act on your behalf. It sounds like you are going to have to force the issue of selling the house. I agree that it would be the fairest way to settle this. Your sister is invested in her own victimhood so be prepared to be called "heartless" and worse.

Long-term irresponsibility does not just go away by itself. Paying you back "when she can afford it" is a non-starter. You know that will dwindle to nothing. Although she may be sentimentally attached to your mother's house, I imagine she could go back to relying on your dad's sponsorship. Or as you say, use the proceeds of the sale to get a new start. I'm sorry for your loss.

loocievanpelt said:

NTA. You solution is reasonable. Selling it would allow both of you but something you can afford. If you give up your inheritance on your mother's house, what will happen when your father dies? She's already lived in his home rent-free. Will she give it up to you?

And [deleted] said:

NTA. That makes the most sense to me, it’s not as though she should get more just because she’s made poor life choices. That being said, if your mom didn’t have a will it’s likely going to get very complicated and messy.

She later shared this update on the situation:

Thank you all for your suggestions/advice, I've been going through each comment with a fine comb, taking notes and trying to view this from every angle.

I spoke to spoke an attorney about it. He told me that where I'm from, without a will the inheritance will be split fifty fifty, no matter what. Neither of us is capable of appointing ourselves sole heir/heiress.

I do not intend to/or have ever even considered suing my sister. I spoke to some close friends and my grandmother about it, the unanimous opinion is that we should sell it. By law, if one heiress wants to sell and the other wants to keep, then the keeper buys the other one out. If she can't get a mortgage then you can force a sale. This is what I intend to do.

It's the best thing for both of us. It's the fairest way and if you look at it from a practical viewpoint; allowing her to keep it puts us both at risk. How is the house going to be maintained? How are the overheads going to be payed? It's entirely possible that we'll run our inheritance into the ground that way.

I'm going to take a good chunk off my half and put it in an account for my niece, which she'll be able to access when she's 25.

I'll use the rest for education and to build a better life for myself.