Man REFUSES to give up 40th birthday venue to sister who wants it for her wedding. AITA?
"AITA for refusing to give up the venue I booked for my 40th birthday party to my sister, even though she’s getting married first?"
I (39M) have a milestone birthday coming up—my 40th—and I’ve been planning a big celebration for over a year now. I’m not usually one to make a big deal out of birthdays, but this one feels special, and I wanted to go all out.
I found the perfect venue, a beautiful historic estate with gardens, and booked it for next summer. I’ve already put down a deposit, and everything is set.
Enter my younger sister, Jenna (32F). She just got engaged a few months ago and now wants to get married ASAP. The problem? She recently saw the venue I booked for my birthday party and fell in love with it. She now wants to use the exact same venue for her wedding, which would take place before my birthday party—just a couple of months earlier.
She and my mom have both asked me if I’d be willing to give up the venue and move my birthday plans so she can have it for her “dream wedding.” They argue that a wedding is more important than a birthday party, especially since I could technically celebrate anywhere, while she has her heart set on this specific venue.
When I politely declined, saying I’ve been planning this for over a year and I’m really excited about it, they both flipped out. Jenna accused me of being selfish and said I should understand that weddings take priority over birthday parties.
My mom joined in, saying I should be more supportive of Jenna’s “big day” since I’ve already “had my time” to shine in life and this day means more for her future.
I’m standing firm that I shouldn’t have to change my plans for something I’ve been working toward for so long. But now half of my family is calling me the bad guy for not giving up the venue and putting family first.
They keep saying that delaying my birthday party wouldn’t be a big deal and that it’s just a party, while a wedding is a once-in-a-lifetime event (although Jenna has been married before).
AITA for refusing to give up the venue I booked for my 40th birthday party so my sister can have her wedding there?
Let's see what readers had to say:
1952mike writes:
ESH. At first I thought she wanted you to GIVE her your reservation and get married on your birthday, but that's not the case.
She is allowed to book whatever venue she can get for her wedding. You don't own it. But yeah, it kinda stinks, especially if she only knew about the place because of your plans.
No, you don't have to change your plans. I understand that people are going to think you are copying her, instead of the reverse, but that's a freaking petty reason to cause this big of a stink.
penszaag writes:
Her wedding isn’t on the same date as your plans, so I don’t even understand why wanting you to ‘cancel’ your plans so she can ‘book it herself.’ I would think the venue would have a waiting list and the next person on the list gets first choice.
You didn’t do all your planning as a wedding planner but looks like they are trying to avoid a wedding planner to snatch up your plans. NTA. Shame on them asking and pecking away at you.
I suspect your sister didn’t recently see this venue unless she wanted to see the venue YOU booked. Sister is full of it. Happy Birthday. And be careful that day, sister might show up in a wedding dress, preacher, and groom.
topsheepher writes:
NTA and it sounds like she wouldn't even know about this venue if it wasn't for you reserving it for your birthday party. Your family on the other hand...
A 40th birthday party IS a once-in-a-lifetime event (no matter what other b-days you have, you will only have one 40th), but a 2nd wedding by definition is not.
You booked the venue before she even got engaged - she did not. You are not responsible for your entitled sister's wedding planning. If the issue is that she does not want your party at the same venue as her wedding, I would recommend finding a way to get the word out to your closest friends
(and family - assuming you even want them there at this point) about the location and date of your party and making sure they are aware of the situation. If she is able to book the same venue earlier, you know she is going to try to play the copycat card - get in front of that.
Also, make sure you have a password set with the venue in case she or your mom try to do anything to interfere with your having the venue booked.
gaertyu writes:
Why does your sister need your permission to use the venue months before you do? Why do you care if she does? I guess ESH because this whole thing is ridiculous and makes zero sense.