Man asks live-in girlfriend to 'find somewhere else' to practice singing, 'she's always auditioning.' AITA?
"AITA for asking my live-in girlfriend to find somewhere else to practice her singing?"
My (29M) girlfriend (26F) and I are living together. Her lease expired at the end of October, but I still have a few months left in mine, so before we can find a proper place for both of us, we agreed she’d move into my current apartment.
Here’s the thing: she’s a trained actress and singer who’s always auditioning for roles in musical theater, and my apartment is not big enough for her to practice her singing – and I’m talking about full on belting, it’s REALLY loud, like songs from "Wicked" – without distracting me completely or interfering when I’m on a call (I work from home).
I asked her if she could find somewhere else to practice, and said that when we look for our next place we’ll make sure it can accommodate both of our needs. She got mad, because I knew she had to practice her singing (it’s true, I did, but I didn’t think it would interfere so much until after she moved in), and said that if I’m the one uncomfortable, I’m the one who should find a co-working space somewhere. AITA here?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
capmanor1755 said:
NTA. If she's belting she's going to land you guys a noise complaint from the neighbors. She needs to book rehearsal space - it's not reasonable to move into your boyfriends apartment and assume you can turn it into your rehearsal studio.
It's not reasonable to move into your boyfriends apartment because your lease expired and then tell him to boot his WFH butt out. Not to cast shade but she isn't quite handling this like the gracious adult I'd want to be dating. More like a petulant teenager whose parents have supported her unquestioningly.
Apart-Scene-9059 said:
NAH: I don't really get people saying he's an ahole because all he did was ask. TBH the conversation should have been simple. He ask if she can practice somewhere else.
She explains it's difficult to find a place to practice but for him to find a place to work like a cafe or library may be easier to find. He find a a place to work. It's simple. While I'm not calling the gf an asshole she shouldn't have gotten mad and just had a conversation and figured out a solution. But all OP did was ask a question.
Acciocomments said:
NTA - I had classical singing lessons when I was younger and I did exams in this as you would with any other instrument so I had to practice. Classical singers can PROJECT and it is LOUD.
When my mum was listening to me practice she literally used to send me to the other side of the house as it physically hurt her ears if I was in the same room as her. Your girlfriend needs to find a rehearsal space - absolutely not fair on you, or the neighbors - I love musicals but hearings someone practicing for an audition and singing the same song over and over would drive me insane.
Masta-Blasta said:
NTA. Belting musical theater songs while your partner is working-particularly on work calls- is very inconsiderate. Is it possible to create a schedule so you can both accommodate each other? Maybe some days you go to a coffee shop or cowork space, and some days she goes somewhere?
Fast-Bag-36842 said:
NTA. Frankly, it doesn't matter if this is her job or not. When you share a living space with someone, you need to be considerate of them. If she wants to sing at home, she needs to invest in a sound booth.
Otherwise I'd seriously start looking for other living arrangements because clearly she's not going to be respectful of you in your current setup. If you can't figure out a solution before your lease ends, I'd hold off on moving in with her.
kikazztknmz said:
NTA. She knew you work from home and have to take calls I'm assuming? Even if it's her job to practice, she should have thought of that and made her own accommodations to begin with.
WanderingArtist_77 said:
NTA. This is why it's good to try living with someone before deciding on something more serious and permanent. Like marriage. Try communicating again. If she still feels the same way, it's possible you're not compatible.