Man bans his mother from babysitting, 'my 6-year-old daughter cried for HOURS.' AITA?

"AITA for telling my mom she's not allowed to babysit after she cut my daughter's hair?"

My wife (32F) and I (34M) have a 6yo daughter Lily which has long, curly hair that she absolutely adores. Taking care of it is a bonding activity for her and the wife, they do hair masks, try out different braids, and Lily loves showing off her princess curls.

Last weekend, my mom who we will refer to as "Karen" from now on, offered to babysit Lily so my wife and I could have a date night. When we got back, I was shocked to see that Lily's beautiful hair had been cut into a short, chin-length bob.

My mom proudly said she fixed it, claiming it was too unruly and that Lily would look more mature this way. When I asked her why the f would a 6yo need to look more mature, all I got was a blank stare.

Lily was devastated. She kept saying she didn't want to look like a boy and cried for hours. My wife was furious and asked Karen why she thought this was okay. Karen defended herself, saying it's just hair and it will grow back.

I told her that she had no right to make that decision and that I no longer trusted her to watch Lily unsupervised. Karen was livid, accusing me of overreacting and punishing her over a haircut. She insists she was just trying to help and says Im being disrespectful by taking her grandparent rights away.

My sister thinks Im being harsh, saying Karen was probably overwhelmed and trying to manage Lily's hair. But I feel like boundaries were crossed. Lily is still heartbroken and I don't know how to fix the damage. AITA for telling my Karen she cant babysit anymore?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

MissionHoneydew2209 said:

She has NO grandparent rights. Hold fast to your decision. If your sister gets up your colon again offer to cut HER hair. Is she refuses tell he she's not being fair. I'm betting your sister was in on this with your mom.

Info: Is your wife a POC, and your mom is white? How did she 'overwhelmed' while you were at dinner? Don't force your daughter to have a relationship with a woman who traumatized her and took away her agency.

Comfortable-Focus123 said:

NTA - Your mom should know better. You NEVER cut a child's hair or make a change to their appearance without parental approval.

WhereasParticular867 said:

NTA. You are being harsh, because the situation calls for being harsh. You weren't out of town for a month. This isn't the 80s, we have cellphones. It was not your mother's call to make.

Having been in very similar situations before, I'll tell you how your mother justified it. First, she didn't like the kid's hairstyle. Then, she subtly hinted to the kid that it should change. "Don't you wish you could try a different style?" That sort of thing.

Then the kid gave a begrudging yes, because she knows that's what will make Grandma happy, and Grandma takes that as permission and justification. Children are natural people pleasers. Their life literally depends on people liking them. Manipulative people like your mother know this and use it to co-opt them.

The natural, normal consequence for making decisions for a child that aren't yours to make is to be denied the ability to be alone with the child. Your mom proved she can't be trusted to watch a kid, so it makes sense to not let her watch the kid.

Furthermore, it makes sense to keep that consequence in place until she genuinely sees that what she did was wrong and she apologizes for it. Because it sounds like she's spending her time justifying her actions and accusing you of being overbearing for not letting her control your child. This is classic power struggle BS, and if you concede you are feeding the monster.

GorditaPollo said:

NTA let’s be real- your mum used the occasion to power trip over your wife to take something special away from a 6 year old, entirely because she’s a nasty and mean spirited hag. It wouldn’t matter if there was real tension, she still took it out on a 6 year old. It was a case of "if I can’t be part of the fun there’s going to be no fun."

Silver-Quilter-6901 said:

Oh no. I would straight up go no contact with anyone who violated my child’s rights/autonomy that way. Ffs it was only a couple hours! She HAD to have already planned to do that.

Huge hugs to Lily I’m so sorry!!! You already know you’re NTA…you have everyone’s permission to go NC or at least LC. Let Karen go butcher your sister’s kids’ hair…and your sister’s.

Ok-Tangerine6151 said:

NTA. If the hair is "unruly" she could have tied it back and waited for you to both come home. Unless it was your child's choice to cut their hair, she essentially did something to your child without their consent.

Consent is such an important thing for everyone to understand, especially little girls. If there is no consent, it should not happen. You are doing your job, as her parent, to advocate for her choices and protect her from someone who does not have regard for them.