'AITA for now waiting for my sister to get engaged before proposing to my GF?'
"AITA for now waiting for my sister to get engaged before proposing to my GF?"
I proposed to my fiancée a few weeks ago and we are engaged. I didn't think anyone would have any reason to object. We're both 30 years old, we have been together for 2 years and have lived together for 1 year and we are employed. We aren't too young, our relationship isn't still new and we aren't reliant on family for money. But my parents did object to the timing.
My sister has a boyfriend. They have been together a long time. Their relationship started around the time I finished university, and that was in the year 2016. They aren't married. I don't know why he hasn't proposed. Him and her are in a similar situation to myself and my fiancée.
They are both 29 years old, they employed and not financially reliant on others. I don't know why he hasn't proposed yet however his reasons are none of my business. When I told my parents about my engagement they were upset. I didn't tell a soul I was going to propose.
I didn't think or realize I needed to. My parents said they talked to my sister's boyfriend about him proposing and he said he would "think about it." My parents told me he said he wants marriage and isn't against it. However, he still hasn't proposed to my sister yet.
My parents said they wished I waited because they believe a proposal to my sister is imminent. If that's true I don't know why that means I can't get engaged also. A few months ago my sister had told us that her boyfriend's brother got engaged.
By my parent's logic that means her boyfriend can't get engaged right now however when I pointed that out to my parents they said it was different. When my sister found out about my engagement she cried because she was so upset.
We have an older sister. She's 34 years old. No one acted like this when she got engaged. She was already married, had my nephew and was pregnant with my niece when my younger sister met her boyfriend.
Both my younger sister and I were single and much younger when she got engaged and we were both happy for her. My older sister (and my brother-in-law and niece and nephew) is the only person in my family who was happy about my engagement. Even my grandparents agreed with my parents.
It's not as though I can take back the ring and tell everyone the engagement is off. Not that I would anyways however it's too late for that. Since my family is acting this way my fiancée and I decided to forgo having a wedding.
I made sure my fiancée was fine with this decision and wasn't just agreeing for my sake. She only has her dad and he is like my older sister as opposed to the rest of my family.
We are just going to go to the registry office and fill out the necessary documents and that's all. We invited my sister and brother-in-law and her dad to witness this if they want and we will be going to the registry office on the morning of November 23, next month.
My parents and grandparents were angry about this. I don't know if it's because we're not having a wedding, because they are not invited or because I'm not going back on my engagement.
I want to know if this makes me TA. Same with me saying that even if my sister has a proposal coming it's not my problem and doesn't mean I can't propose. I know it may seem obvious but I've never gone against my parents before and them being upset makes me feel guilty sometimes.
Here's what top commenters had to say:
anonymousonlooker123 said:
NTA. You and I both know that your sister’s boyfriend will never propose. If you waited until he did, you’d never get married.
DrJScience said:
NTA. Their logic isn’t. Your life is your life. Your sister’s is hers. There’s no rule about engagement order. But don’t let this impact your wedding. Take a breath and think about how you want your wedding to be (regardless of your parent’s behavior) and do that. Don’t let them take any joy away from your happy occasion. Congratulations and I hope u have a wonderful wedding and a happy married life!!
JuliaX1984 said:
NTA I don't know where they pulled this arbitrary rule from or why, but it makes no sense. Congratulations!
MistressFuzzylegs said:
NTA, at all. Why should you put your life on hold like that?
SnooWords4839 said:
NTA - You don't need to wait for a sibling to be proposed to. Go live your life and be happy. Leave all that steal your joy behind.
misstiff1971 said:
Glad you are doing what is right for you and your fiance. Your parents behavior is ridiculous. Your younger sister needs to get over herself. Her boyfriend hasn't proposed - you don't need to put your life on hold for something like this. What is next - will your family forbid you from starting a family if you want?